It is 12.25 am... and I just gotta home from the farewell dinner for Andrew. After washing up and boiling a cup of green tea... here am I, entering my third post of the day. It is a reflection of what I had done... about my weakness... about my indecisiveness...
Everything was well and good in the library then since today is the opening ceremony of my blog... But around 5... I was preparing to go to the farewell dinner when I kinda remember that today is the ARPC Fri service and today ARPC is having "satay outreach" ... and my non-Christian colleague will be there... and Chris Chia will be preaching ... and Yifen will be going... and so many ands.... that caused me wanting to join them to the ARPC... and I actually went.
On the way there however, wasn't easy for me... I am struggling to decide to go for the "satay" which i know that i can learn a lot... or to the "seafood" where I can fellowship with the people there... esp Eunice and Andrew. I am confused.. Vera don't understand... but I'm really can't make up my mind though I am still following them to ARPC. Finally, just before I step into ARPC, I backed out and decided to go for the "seafood". Reason: I don't wanna feel guilty, dun wanna let Eunice and myself down... cuz I hav kinda confirm and plan to go for the "seafood"...
So, I left with a sorry.
On the way to Marina... I am thinking to myself... I see that my dilenma came about because I was distracted... I had planned to go for the dinner few days ago, but as new plan comes up, it arouse my concern.... This is not a sole case for this had happened many times... like choosing of my prescribed electives, I can't decide of what subjects to take until the very last day of add-drop period. Then I remember the times when I am distracted in my walk of faith... how many times had I identify myself as student, as church cell member, as minner, as even Cfer... busying with so many things and events, yet forgetting to see myself as a Christian... a Christ follower... doing things out of love, and not out of dues.
I am easily distracted... really! and God knows it... that's why Jesus promised a Counsellor... a Spirit in us... that will constantly and faithfully reminds us and points us to Jesus Christ. Many a times I look at myself... many a time I bewailed the ugly side of me... But each time, the Holy Spirit will point me back to Jesus reminding me that... Yes it's true! I am this this this and that that that but hey stop looking at myself... Look at Jesus... He had forgiven all of our sins in His grace. Get out of the "me" thinking, and think of things that are honorable, whatever that is pure and just, and whatever that is lovely and commendable. Furthermore, there is a church alongside to grow and mature together, hence striving for holiness is never a solo effort... So, God please help me in this... with the help of Your Spirit and Your people.
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