A part of my life... A penny of my thought...

Mid Year 2010

2010-07-26T21:34:00.002+08:00

Time is what I want most

But... what I use worst.

Three years gone by...

What have I gain or what have I lost?

I've gained an extra degree, which makes me more a geek.

What of use is another piece of paper that I'll get next week.

Maybe a little confidence.. a little joyance

"At least I have done a little better this time", said my conscience.

What else, oh what else?

What else did time make or take?

Time makes me a little wiser..

A little zealous for the Lord I sought after..

Teaching in the Brigade..

Hoping for the Words of God to pervade...

The life of the gals and mine in a whirl.

Yes.. my life was once lost and was hurled

into endless entertainment and endless work...

endless pavement where the serpent lurked.

Lost a grandma... fear of death.

Upset stomach.. grasp for breath.

Romance D'Amour... it's so difficult to play

Friends are gone... and never back.

Oh well.. oh well...

How much tears and how many smiles can I remember?

That's just a brief summary for me to reminisce.

Catching up with secondary school friendz...

2007-07-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

I met my secondary school galfriends at TB 2 weeks ago. It's a bit awakward.. but we did manage to have some small catching up inside the NTUC. Then, they invited me to a bbq gathering that they were organising. Well, I was really surprise to see that they were still keeping close contact with one another.. which i dun normally do with my frens.. Anyway, I am really glad that they invited me. So, today I went to meet them up after my facial spa session. geez.. i shouldnt do my facial on this day, as my face was reddish after the blackhead extraction. anyway, after much concealer, i went pasir ris to meet up with the gals. Well... it was still not as bad as i thought, i thought i will have a hard time clinch in after so long.. appartently they were still the same kind, next-door-gals i knew when we were in sec sch. I had a bit of food, chat up w ling2, and A, and JM.. then we did some bridge card game. I was a bit regretted for not taking any pix, this is the only pix i took -- Tif's cute doggie! woof!

What to do now..?

2007-07-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

What to do now..? what to do now..? I am coming to an end of my second year here in NTU.. here in RRC.. My boss came over to talk to me early this morning. He begun by requesting me to write a progress report. An exaggerating one, he emphasized. And for a moment, my mind blanked out. I got nothing to write I thought to myself. ... And before I could think of anything, he popped another difficult question -- "What is your career plan?", he asked. It was a rather heart-to-heart talk in the morning. I told him that I did think about it.. but have never come to an decision. I felt really stupid for not taking up any postgrad study... and I really know that I just can't continue as a Project Officer forever without advancing or moving on. But if I wanna move, which i really want to, but where to move on to ? I told him that studying is one option, working at a different sector is also another choice. I dun get what he meant, but he did offer me another yr of contract and said tt it is alright for me to stay. Yet, for my good he also suggest me to move on by studying a part time.So what shall i do? what shall i do now? or rather, what can i do now?

geez... and i still have this stupid progress report to write. Feeling really lousy now. ='(

Furama Crisis..

2007-07-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

I have to wake up real early to attend a conference held by mae.. and that conference was held in Furama hotel. I really don't know my way manz, and I was late for the meeting up with other rrc ppl.. so geez.. I have to find my way there by myself. Alright, so I recalled Prof S and Joey mentioned it to be near the ministry of manpower.. and that Chinatown mrt is near to the hotel.. so.. I boarded a bus that took me to Chinatown.. to Furama. I thought that i was so smart to ask the bus uncle.. and the friendly bus driver had called me to alight when I reached the stop. However, it was when I reached the Furama hotel that I realised that there were 2 Furama. One is Furama Centre, the other is Furama RiverFront..

So appartently, I was at the wrong furama.. aaaaahhhhhhh.. and the counter-uncle told me to walk all the way down the street and I can find Furama Riverrfront. And so I did. With high heels.. and scorching morning sun, I perspired and stinked.. =S =(... It took me like 30 minutes to walk from one furama to another... .. there goes my beautiful morning. .. nahz.. nevertheless I reached the Furama riverfront 15 mins before the tea break. Oh.. and I saw YangL.. the nus gal that I met at my NZ conference. She is presenting at this conference too. Cool, she is so impressive. And suddenly i felt totally incompetent... eps after the whole incident... geez

Farewell lunch from Sreekanth

2007-07-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

Sreekanth is going back to India this month.. that is why he is giving boss and us a treat at this nice cosy indian restuarant at Penisular Plaza. It really one nice indian eating place without any indians' oil smell.. and the food were not that spicy. It is buffet styled which mean I can just try a bit of the food that i'd never seen before.. just too bad that they didn't serve my favorite spinach thingy dish =S... nahz.. but nevermind lahz.. cuz i thought i had learnt more Indian food thru this meal... =) I was glad that Prof S brought his daughter here too.. =) at least there is one more girl around to talk to me.. =P

Old Friends...

2007-07-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

Guess who I met tonight, Fri the thirteen..? alright i guess that this was a bit hard.. because I myself didnt expect myself to see them too.. Anyway, while i was playing pool with some of colleagues after work, I met Decai and Beng.. my college's classmates ... but it was rather sad because we didnt catch up much.. because they were with their friends and I was with mine.. so yup.. we only say hi.. then short conversation.. then bye.. =( .. Beng, as usual.. didnt talk to me at all.. geez. I started to wonder if i had done anything wrong to him or is he purely a shy guy. Anyway.. I tried to sms them after that to apologise for not be able to catch up w them.. but geez.. I realised tt i dun have their no. anymore.. =S .... shit.. i must be very bad at keeping contacts with my old friends manz..

Transformers...

2007-07-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

The Transformers.. more than meet the eye..
The Transformers.. robots in disguise..

Alright.. i am not a transformer fanatics, but hey.. how can i miss such a great show (esp when i am suppose to be a geek) ? Anyway, I went to catch the show on friday with a couple of friends and I thought it was really a good show.. its CG is pretty fantastic, sound effects were cool too.. and whole movie was action-packed and fun to watched.. umm.. quite cheesy at some part though... But nahz.. it is still a good show. Just that it was rather long.. or is it becuz i had a bad bladder sys..? cuz towards the end of thirty minutes, I started looking at my watch and eyeing the toilet sign near the entrance... I was seated right at the end of the row.. and the sound effect of the movie is so loud that it vibrate the whole theatre.. and that the theatre was so cold.. I FELT like peeing.. arrg.. Anyway.. i stayed through the whole movie dry.. but I kinda missed out why on earth that the Megatron would suddenly die..? =S.. so did the boy pushed in the cube into Optimus Prime? i think i missed that part manz.. while thinking of going to loo..

Dengue..

2007-06-13T11:29:00.000+08:00

A friend.. or rather .. a close colleague of mine, boon, was down with dengue fever.. I was really surprised because he is really tough looking.. big size guy.. well, guess we shall never look down on small little insect like mosquito.. Anyway, some of us went down to NUH to pay a visit to him.. This is the first time I went to a hospital w colleagues.. anyway.. it is really dreadful to see how sickness can attack a person, and how one can be so vunerable before disease. :(

Chilling out @ East Coast

2007-05-26T17:24:00.000+08:00

While I was still distressing with the 'what to do next?' question... many of my friends had shown their concerns. I am really really grateful and thankful for them. Well, then ysl suggested a chill out at east coast.. i had no objection.. cause i really dun wanna think anymore.. i had been thinking and thinking a lot recently..
Nahz.. nevertheless, it was a very nice place to loosen up a bit.

ARPC's Mother's Day event 2007

2007-05-09T10:36:00.000+08:00

Well, i had brought my dad and mum to the Mother's day event this year again, however this year my sister didn't come along. I thought i would be sucked in making my dad and mum comfortable on my own, but well.. in the end, it turned out well.

My dad and mum had really enjoyed themselves, though the others who sat around the table didn't really talk much, and there was this stuck up looking auntie.. who kept staring at me causing my mum to keep telling me to behave myself. Nahz... anyway, I guessed it was the good foods and good gifts, with a little nice songs, help a lot in making the whole event enjoyable. This time they organise it at a good restaurant - Qian Xi (Farrer Park) Restaurant - in the Civil Service Club.. so well, my dad was rather pleased, so this time round, he did sat there and listen to the sharing without uttering some chants under his breath.

The message was.. to me.. not good at all. Nah, but the people who came to share the message had encouraged me a lot. At least they reminded me that God is still at work. To my mum, she was overwhelmed and felt really glad that these ex-drug addicts can turn a new leaf. My dad too was touched by their sharing. In the end, the message that they gotta back was that the love of a mother is really great... and nothing much of God and Jesus. I tried to talked to my dad more, since he was quite opened today. The discussion ended soon with relativism. geez...

Nevertheless, that was a good outing.. i see it as a way where the walls are broken down little by little.

Concert @ the Esplandar

2007-04-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

This night I went out on a date with my fellow colleague, F_Goh. A nice shy guy. But i think he really know what I like too. He gotta a pair of tickets to a concert in Esplandar. Though I don't know who the singer is, the going to Esplandar is just too appealing to me. So, I said yes immediately when he asked me four days ago. Geez, I am really weak in resisting things that i like.

Nevertheless, the date went well, i thought. The singer turned to be Deb Fung, an Australian gospel singer. She is of the same genre as Corrinne May. Geez, I love Corrinne May's songs, so i think i will also like her songs. And it is true enough, her songs were very nice too. As her songs, like Corrinne May's, do carry some gospelic messages, that is why, there were several moments in the concert that I have to fight back my tears. I am rather an emotion person, especially when it comes to the light that seem so dim in the current darkness, yet so true.

This is one of the songs that drive me to tears (no matter how i'd fought.. geez just hope that F_goh didnt see it) during the concert:

Home (Written and sang by Deb Fung)
Oh the fight to belong
I'd walk the wire and pretend to be strong
Deny that still small voice in me
Reminding me I'm already set free

To find that peace in my soul
When pain and pressure seem the ones in control
Though Justice falls in the streets
And lies and oppression are the forces we meet

Oh how I long to be home
Like all creation aches and groans waiting
Renewed forever to be
Sharing in the beauty of my Father's eternity
Oh how I long to be home
When shadows fless and I am never alone
If I could just find the strength to believe
The promise of the place you've set for me

Oh the fight to be true
When this world places the spotlight on you
What is the price of a dream
The weight of choices remaining unseen?

Fear not my love, I will come
A day's appointed, yet known by no one
I'll raze the past to the ground
And gather you home where you'll be safe and sound

Oh how I long to be home
Like all creation aches and groans waiting
Renewed forever to be
Sharing in the beauty of my Father's eternity
Oh just to be in that place
Where I can reach out and touch your face
To see the strength of your light
As it pierces the darkness turning faith to sight
If I could just find the strength to believe
The promise of the place you've set for me
The place you've set for me
The place you've set for me

Met up with sixian..

2007-02-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

In the buzzingly Clementi Central, we were looking for our favourite Chinese rice stall from the past. It was drizzling slightly. But it felt so warm to catch up with a long time ago good friend. We didnt find the Chicken rice, so we settled down in Mac and talked. We talked about everything and anything.. from the past to now.. of what we had missed out with one another for one year.

She had just finished her study. And in Perth, she grew a lot.. in minds and thoughts. She said she shared about me while in Perth, of how I had encouraged her. I smiled at her but sighed deeply within. The heart was heavy, for it knew something that she doesnt. But her words had encouraged this contrited heart. "At least, he is still with her", i breathed.

Then we talked about work. Working in the world is tough, I told her, because you are in the world but not of the world. When the rest sleep in the dark, we need to stay awake and be watchful.. This is tiring... and soon, in the end.. we may be like everybody else.. taking nap or even fall into deep sleep when the night comes. Working is different from schooling.. there is more.

But well.. we dun need Work to help us to sleep in the nights. Many things can make us asleep in nights.. many things. You can name many since sleeping at night is a common thing. Yet there is one thing that keep us awake in the night - and some of us had guessed correctly - the light. Some of us thought that we can just burn a midnight's oil and then go without sleeping over many nights.. without realising that we need to keep the oil burning. And there are some stupid and selfish oil distributors dun go around to check if anyone is lacked of oil or not. Sigh!

Geez.. what am i talking now..? does anyone understand what i meant?
Anyway.. it is quite distressing, because Darryl is now out of oil. He denounced.

Xmas Cake Theory...

2007-02-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

Geez... I think I am having more dates this valentine. And according to the xmas cake theory, I am accepting these dates because "this" is xmas' eve. LOL... well.. nevertheless, it is good fun catching up with those long-time-no-see guy friends.. ops not forgetting the gal friends too. =)

In the end...

2007-02-09T14:05:00.000+08:00

Time is such a valuable thing
Yet clock ticks it away.. it's so unreal
Trying to hold on.. but didn't even know..
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time.

I tried.. so hard.. so much..
It doesn't even matter anymore.

Cuz things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore.
Not that you knew me back then..
But it all comes back to me... in the end.

Back in Singapore..

2007-01-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

I am now sitting in front of my computer in lab.. looking thru the photos that i had taken in nz and aust.. and i am feeling nostalgic!

Aarrgg.. I dun wanna to be back and faced my work.. my boss.. myself and my future. I just wanna go from one place to another.. from dawn to dusk.. looking and experiencing different things and no need to think of anything..

Can I...?

I guess I ain't brave enuf...

Xmas Greetings from Sydney

2006-12-25T13:54:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas.. :) I am at Sydney now. Just went to the St Andrew's Cathedral in Sydney for Christmas Service. And now I am roaming around in the streets of Sydney. This city is big and beautiful too. But i think i still prefer the nz's wellington.. well.. dunno why. :P. anyway.. will update more.

Back to the north island..

2006-12-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

I am back to the north island now.. had been down to Christchurch 3 days ago, but was busy that I could not sit down and write my blog.. Now, I am in Rotorua.. just managed to hack their computer.. so am using free internet now, when i am suppose to pay $5 per hour... =p
Well.. the journey so far had been fun.. but tiring and cold. In Christchurch, i had met an irish gal, but we didnt tour tog cuz i had my tour booked already. I went to Lake Tekapo and Mt cook on Sunday, it was beautiful. Then for the first time in my life, I took a helicopter up to the snow site at one of the mountain near Mt Cook. It was so so so cool.

Then the next day, I checked out real early to catch the coach to Kaikoura. Done whale watching.. it is fabulous too. The whale watch crew will actually use sonar to find the locations of the whale, and speed to the location once they had detected a whale near the surface. The whole boat ride is like a roller coaster.. exciting. =)

I was back in the north island yesterday, and toured around Taupo this morning alone. Met the Korean guy that I saw yesterday and we took some pic together at Huka Fall. He was very unfortunate though, he was sharing his story with me yesterday about how he was being cheated by a gal that he knew in Auckland..

Well.. thereafter.. I came to Rotorua. The weather is not good today. It rained thru out the whole day, and the temp here is damn cold.. 13 deg.. manz I am so regretted of not bring my gloves. Tomorrow, I will be going to the spa and farm and moari concert.. hope that the weather will be good.. and hope that i can do all the above stuff ba.

So far in New Zealand..

2006-12-16T17:38:00.000+08:00

Well.. so far so good. I am at Wellington's Downtown Backpackers Hostel right now. Only have less than 10 mins to type this blog.. gosh!

anyway, my trip so far was good. The conference went well, and the motel's boss had taken good care of the people staying in his motel.. all the people are very friendly.. Known a lot ppl at the conf.. taken lotsa pictures too..

After the conf, I went down Wellington on my own.. so from now onwards, I had to travel on my own.. stay in hostel.. and plan my own trip.. exciting!

Today at wellington, I know a denmak gal, and we went touring tog. We had went to the Te Papa Museum where we met up w another Israel lone gal traveller.. then we three of us went to Mt Victoria tog.. and then I left earlier to take the red cable car up to the Botanic Garden.. Well, I have to say Wellington is beautiful.. really really beautiful, but very very very windy and cold at the same time.

Tomorrow I will be heading to the south island. Going to Christchurch. Well i guess my this trip will not be too action-packed... it will be more of city stuff and sceneries i guess.. :) Well.. looking forward to christchurch.. w a bit of fear!

yeah..!

2006-10-01T18:07:00.000+08:00

horray!! The paper is being accepted by the conference... I will be going to New Zealand in december !!.. umm.. preharps I shall also plan to tour there right.. But till then.. there is a lot of work to be done - the correction on the paper, tons of admin work, preparation of the upcoming training course.. Gosh! i dun even know if i would have time to plan for the trip manz.. How i wish that there will be someone to go with me.. hahah.. and do the planning.. =P

dramatic..

2006-09-23T17:46:00.000+08:00

gosh.. what a dramatic weekend! It ought to be a normal peaceful saturday, where a bunch of ARPC gals and boys met up for ktv and simple dinner. Well... the ktv session went well, though it was with unfamiliar group, i still hog onto the mic most of the time. nahz.. but this is not what i wanna share. What happened is that, i had also invited C****t**e, one of my dg gal, to join us for the ktv. And she had had a terrible incident on thurs, which led on to Fri and also today. She found out that her landlord is a pervert! yuck.. even though he is eighty odd yrs old. The maid told her about the perversive acts of the 'gong gong' on thurs and today, the 'gong gong' is sacking her and sending her back to her hometown. So the poor maid called after our ktv asking for help.
Thereafter, we skipped our dinner and went straight to the police station and file a report against the 'gong gong' so that the police could do something to protect the maid.. well. Thank God that pat was around. To the cops, this was too small a case for them to bother.. but pat was so vocal that the police can't help but to help us.. After the police report.. the ktv gang went along to C's rented place to help packed her stuff. Sis had offered her to stay at our place.. so yup.. i rushed home cleared up my 'barang barang' and prepare for her coming instead. geez.. what a long tiring day after this whole lot.

New born gal.. Samatha Ruth ;)

2006-09-16T17:48:00.000+08:00

Welcome to earth.. Samatha..!

Well.. she is Janice and Carlen's first baby gal.. and my dear janice gave birth to her yesterday. I went to visit her today and was glad to see that everything was fine and well. And, can see that this young dad and mum were well prepared for her arrival. Well.. I had stayed there for quite long to take pictures.. and take many pictures.. well and also to learn a bit of how to take care of baby when the doctor is teaching the young parent. Although Janice said that child-bearing process was not that difficult, because she couldn't feel anything after the anaesthesia, I still think it really require great courage and love to want to give birth.. and to raise up a kid. Nah.. nevertheless.. I am very happy and feel amazing to see new birth.. esp newborn of someone i knows.

KL Adventure...

2006-09-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

Just went and came back from a short KL trip.. It's was どうもおもしろ!! .. very interesting. Alright, you may call me 'mountain tortoise' but that was really my very first time to travel ~~alone~~ with my sis in this manner.. so i was really excited and hence this is going to be a farely long post.. ermm bear w it manz..

So, we reached KL at 4 am on the 23 Aug, and had to walk along the lamppost-lit streets to look for our hotel, and get familarise with the place. I had to admit tt it was a bit scary, but at the same time i was relieved that i had my sis w me. =) and thankfully there was quite a number of 7-11 around, so we had been asking around before we found our hotel. The attender, however, told us that the earliest time we can book in was 9 am. =S.. so we decided to roam around the street again, to kill time while waiting for dawn. Umm.. to be precise, was to wait for the first bus.

We planned to go to Batu Cave on our first morning. So yup, at around 6, we hopped on a KL public bus no. 15. The bus was not as bad as i had thought. It was air-conditioned and clean surprisingly. It took about 45 mins to bring us to the cave. And wow.. nice beautiful hill and ya huge golden statue too.. There was a 273-steps long stairway tt lead to the cave entrance, so we climbed it, and went into the cave and yup took some pic. The climbing down the stairs was a more scary experience. Anyway, we got down and headed back town at around 10am.

Then we went into a museum, by chance, before we went back and checked in to our hotel. After checking in, we took a long walk to somewhere near Lot 10 shopping centre, trying to find the food tt my sis insisted. In the end, we found e place after an hour of walk, just to see that it was not opening for business. nahz.. then we walked back and took a LTR to KLCC to queue up for a visit up to the Petronas Tower. But it was fruitless too. They only give out 1400 tickets every morning. Disappointedly, we lunched at their foodcourt b4 we headed back hotel. I was down w fever in the evening then, so we decided to postpone the firefly trip to e next day, and LRT-ed down to mid-valley mall instead, and had dined at an indian restuarant.

The second day is more packed, because what we planned to do on the 1st day were all postponed to e 2nd day. We woke up late, so we were rushing to wash up and prepare for checking out... had a quick breakfast and LRT-ed down to KLCC to queue up for the tickets to get up Petronas Tower. Well.. we were very very lucky! we had gotta the last 2 tiks to go up the skybridge!! Cool.. but have to wait till 245pm. So, meanwhile, we LRT-ed up to Wangsa Manju to visit my ex-colleague, and he treated us lunch and drove us to his sch to take a look. Then, we gotta back to KLCC, and yup went up the Petronas. Sis was really disappointed, cuz she thought tt the bridge is going to move up and down. Well, it was just an ordinary bridge on the 41st level and we can only stay there for 10 mins, nevertheless, i was still glad to have gone up.

Lastly, we went to the KL central and bought 2 train tickets to go home that night at 10pm. yippee.. i was going to take a train. But meanwhile, we still have the firefly resort to visit. So got on a bus and travelled 2&1/2 hrs to reach a deserted bus interchange in selangor. Scary. We asked a lady and she said we need to take a cab, and led us to a bunch of taxi uncles. More scary. We went forward, and ask the uncles.. gosh, they dun understand Eng at all. But they managed to pick up key words like 'firefly', so one uncle offered us a ride there w a cab fare of RM20. We agreed.

Thanks God that we were able to reach the resort safely.. That place was really 'wu-lu' manz but the resort was not bad. =) We quickly got the boat tickets to see the fireflies, and the earliest was 745 pm. It was a 30 mins boat ride that brought us across the lake to the trees where the fireflies were. There were a group of Japanese tourists with us, and they were all exclaming ' きれい'.. ' すごい' Well.. my sis and i were really amused, and were also exclaming in our hearts 'きれい' (beautiful) and 'すごい' (incredible). The fireflies really looked like christmas lights that blinked inside the trees in the total darkness; occasionally one or two will fly towards us, and plus the boat ride, the whole experience was すごい.

But, this firefly trip caused us to miss our train back to S'pore. We even almost miss the bus back to KL. that's really scary then. But we were fortunated to be able to take a different bus to Klang, and there we followed a stranger to the Klang train station and rushed back to KL central. We missed the train. So we decided to sit there at the station till morning so tt we can get some bus back to s'pore. From midnight till 7 am, that night was really hard to spend manz. We were really tired but couldnt really sleep, because there were some guys hanging ard the station like us too. In the end, we went to a 24 hours prata shop and played hangman throughout the night.

Gosh.. we really missed home after that. So, as soon as morning break, we went to purchase the earliest ticket home. In summary, this had been an interesting, exciting but tiring trip. Thankfully, that everything went well.

Forbidden City Musical @ Esplanade

2006-08-18T20:15:00.000+08:00

This is the first time i watched a performance in Esplanade.. well.. it is expensive but i think it is worth it.. because the musical was the forbidden city : the protrait of the empress. It was so cool. They used simple props on stage.. but with the lightings and arrangements, the whole stage depicted each scene well.. in fact very well and dynamics. You dun feel that they are changing the scene.. (unlike some other musicals that i had seen, they would switch off the light when changing scenes.) The whole performance was fabulous too.. Costumes were very nice, songs were good and catchy, and Kit Chan sang well. Well.. but i think that the foreign talents sang better..:P.. hee.. they were more powerful and they sounded more 'round' compare to the asians. Nevertheless, it was very nice and fun experience to watch a musical in such a nice threate.. esp with di*n*(didi) and her friend 'yy'. As 'didi' is a good choir singer herself, she had given me quite a number of insights to musical performance.. and hee.. thanks to 'yy'.. we had a cool chill out treat from him at the oriental hotel after the performance.. Geez.. the nightscape of Singapore is beautiful... well hope that there is more such musical outing in near future..

Some Updates

2006-08-01T11:59:00.000+08:00

Alright.. I know that this is late... i just gotta so many things to do at work these ~~few days~~ few weeks that I can’t really sleep tight each night.. let alone writing blog and editing the photos. So over this post. I will just give a brief overview of some part of my life these ~~few days~~ few weeks. Gosh!.. i sounded like i am writing a report. =S

Anyway.. yup.. Work is never ending. I thought everything was going to end on the 28 of July since that day was the final presentation for my project. So i had been rushing my presentation and reportS ~~, as if i was in hell,~~ a few days before the dateline and what do i have in the end was more work to be done. Sigh! Nevertheless, it was a relief to me that the project is coming to an end.. sooon.. and this shall act as a motivation for me to continue in work.. nahz.. I shall not be too grumpy about work.. rather, i shall be thankful ahz.. at least i had a job that earn me some allowances, flexible working hours, do the things that i like.. more importantly, able to keep in contact of all my uni frens.. =)

Yup.. see i gotta attend their convocations and take photos with them, simply because I was working in sch.. =)

But nahz.. i didnt go to all the convo.. i had only attened **n's, tyc's, and pauline's.. =p.. i was quite busy w my work though. This week was also my project's datedue week. The 'des-ta' guy will be coming down for a final review of my work. So i need to prepare a presentation, touch up and print out my final report, and test report and user manual, and prepare a soft copy of all the documents and my codes, and do up the demonstration.. arrrhhh.. so was real stressssed-up during the last few days.

But well.. everything had went well..thank God. I still can't believed i had managed to do so many things in a few days, given to my lazy character. So, yup the photo-taking that day was like a reward to me loz..lol.

Another reward-ish outing to me was the KTV outing on the 29 Jul. umm.. read more about it in the post down there ba.. I dun like to lenghten this post =p.. lol
So that's it.. =) =) heeez..

yippee.. ktv..

2006-07-29T11:49:00.000+08:00

It had been a very very long time since i stepped into a ktv lounge.. The partyworld in orchard still look the same, just the company i went with this time is so different manz. This is the first time i went ktv with more guys than gals.. ha.. so no problem singing duets but nahz,i didnt sing much duet.. duh. Anyway, the organiser is unexpectedly, our dear *n*. It's unexpecting, because she dun sing. Nevertheless, she organised this for our prc friends (which explains why there were more guys than gals), so that we can catch up with them before their school starts.

We had been reaching out to them since the last few years, and it is never easy due to the lack of manpower and 'man'power. Going out with them as a big group is always easy and fun.. but the getting down to know them individual and be part of their life is the tough part, it req'd great discernment esp for us gals.. that's y we go in pair or herd.. crap! what am i talking..? =S =S

Anyway, what i wanna say is that we were quite glad that we had a brother with us to talk to the other ten odd guys during the lunch-cum-ktv outing. Well.. i dunno k**** that well, so dunno what's his plan when he is going to be here for one yr... but at least for me, I really hope that i wouldnt have another wasteful yr here.. not that i'd wasted my this year in ntu.. just that, i felt a bit regreted of spending more time talking to BASIC and busying w my work, rather than being with my chinese friends.. hope that this yr will be a better year.

S1 Gathering...

2006-07-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Hooi’s initiative, S1 got to meet up for dinner tonight. It had been a long time since this JC class of mine get together. Though some of us were in the same uni, the chances of meeting up for meals was just too slim manz... Nai.. nevertheless, it is always good to meet up with old friends.. catching up with one another.. talking and laughing at the past together, and suaning each another.. =p

Well about half of the class turned up.. most of the gals are teachers now.. umm.. maybe using ‘most’ is too much.. only emily, janet and waiyi became a teacher, the rest of the gals were in other different jobs... Guys were still the same, i think.. i felt that there were not much changes in them... umm.. they are still schooling ... still sit at a different table as the gals... hahaha.. and their way of talking are still the same..

Then after dinner I got to talk to some of them more over drinks.. just to realize that the guys do changed.. They had changed to be more materialistic since the topic we had revolve around how to be a millionaire by the age of forty.. duhz.. well.. I was trying my best not to be influenced by the topic.. 怎么说.. i had go thru the phase of fighting the g-monster.. dun wanna go thru it again..

But oh well .. from what my senior working adults friends had said, it was a norm for the fresh grad coming in the workforce w the intention of getting rich by a certain age.. but as years goes by.. the drive for making big bucks will subsided.. umm.. i wondered how true was that.

...ぅさ...

2006-07-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

も.. sore eye.. と... myojo mee... と fever.. とひとりで... と interview てきがかり
も.... I miss my sister...

aaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg............

2006-07-15T22:11:00.000+08:00

...... ... ... wwwwwaaaahhh

... Children church...?

2006-07-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

After the camp, I got to know more children church's helpers.. and so.. I had been invited to go down and take a look.. umm... but i had been delaying the going down to cc until today..

Today was the first time i dragged myself up, and headed church before 9.. haiz.. but i am still late.. =S.. nevertheless.. i was there in time to help out a bit lahz.. hee... well.. my after thoughts attending cc.. umm.. the toddlers are very nice to cuddle.. =P.. very nice to be with.. cuz they are really soft.. and being w them.. i not need to think so much.. and geez.. can continue to act cute.. hahaha =p... nahz.. but i still prefer study bible with people.. =S.. arrgg... *scratch hair* ... should one do what one like.. or to do wherever help needed? haiz.. stop thinking ba.. =p

We were going to the zoo...

2006-07-08T19:20:00.000+08:00

On my.. can u believe that..? I went to the Singapore Zoological garden that faithful saturaday. Haahaha.. yahz it was such a long time ago since I stepped into this northern garden of singapore. And guess what..? I rode an elephant for the first time.. yipppee.. *excited*.. but well it just a short little ride lahz.. ummm then beside that, oh and also beside the company.. there is nothing much to the zoo.. the animals were living in such a luxury that they looked really lazy.. nevertheless we took quite a number of pic ahz...

Of a Bygone Era...

2006-06-24T02:46:00.000+08:00

This was the first themed party i had with the ARPCians. It was so nostalgical to be in such party, where some bunch of ppl get together and have fun, food and fellowship with one another. I started to miss the good old days and friends like tree, grace, char, gf and others who would make the effort to make party for ppl to get tog.

Well, anyway i was glad to had gone for this party, and with my sis some more. It was fun, i thought, cuz all ppl were really opened to one another, at least people are not talking among themselves and left the strangers alone. I dunno about sis (cuz we hanged out w diff ppl), but i, being a stranger there, had really enjoyed myself..

Hope that this friendship will start to grow, from there, to love and concern for one another in church ba...

p.s. Btw, it was retro-themed.. doesnt look like it huh..?

Everyone = mission-centre christian ..

2006-06-10T02:40:00.000+08:00

oh gosh.. time really flies.. One year had actually passed and this was my second time going for a church camp with ARPC. A few things had changed, i guessed.. like I am now a member of ARPC when i wasnt last year, I paid 300 dollars this year, while i only paid 200 last year and i had known more people before going to the camp compared to last year when my sis and i knew no one before the camp..

However, the camp was still as いちばん (yichiban） as last year. Like what Chris Chia had mentioned last camp and this year again, it was a glimpse of heaven, a taste of honey where God's people gathered together to listen to God's word, praising God together and enjoyed the fellowship as brothers and sisters in Christ.. If u do read my blog abt last year's camp, u would realised that i had just said the same thing.. well.. hear this again cuz i am going to say the same old thing again: Christianity is indeed about relationships : r'ship b/w God and man, man and woman & man and nature. This time however, the camp focused on our relationship with God in view of his saving plan and our relationship with God's world which is still full of ppl who suppressed the truth of the God who create earth and heaven.

We had have 2 guest speakers.. John Chapman and Ian Smith. This was the first time i ever hear from Ian Smith, and I found him really firm in his speaking and I had learnt much from him. He had taken some passages from Acts to explain the centripetal and centrifugal movements of the early church wrt the Pentacost gospel events. Meanwhile our dear old Chappo brought us to see how the Trinity are involved in the salvation of the world.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. (Acts 1:8)

And as usual, Chris ended the camp with 2 talks; i thought that the first talk had really cut deep in my heart, for he had taken us to understand our globalising society (or rather world). We shall be different from this world - when the world is united to progress individually, materially and godlessly, we are to united to grow deeply in Christ and in love; when the world is divided by the difference in color, status, education and gender, we are to be blind to these differences and embrace a borderless church (My own summary).

What a shame i had felt when i sat there and listened to Chris - What a shame that we had to be rebuked this manner to realise that we have not been loving the world enough to be blind to the differences. We, or at least I, always prefer to hang out with the people similar to ourselves, in term of race, religion, socio-status, looks and gender (maybe some like hanging out w opp gender, but i prefer gals =P).. Hence now.. after the camp, i was sorry and thankful at the same time.. sorry for the subtle discrimination i had shown for the past years, that's why am very grateful that God do forgive.. So what is left to do now, is to go forth with love. Many names had popped out of my head during the camp, and many things i wanted to do.. so, really hope that i could love enough to move myself to do it ah... aarrggg..

Long time no update...

2006-06-09T20:19:00.000+08:00

Well.. it had been a long while since i blogged and i could find a reason for that long break (sorry for that).. could be busy i guessed ... but nahz.. nevertheless.. knowing that there are still people reading my blog, I shall at least keep my friends updated of my life now..

Well.. I had just came back from a church camp yesterday, and i will write an account for that later.. as for now, probably i will just record down here some stuffs that had happened to me past few months that i would want to remember... so bear with me manz if u are not interested reading what had happended to me a few weeks ago.. so all the following new posts are posted up today.. i just blogged them according to their dates so that i could remember them when years to come.

Mother's Day (cum Daddy's birthday) Dinner...

2006-05-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

Umm.. so the most recent great thing, beside the church camp, was the Mother's day dinner.. well.. that day was my dad's birthday too; so me and my sister used this as an excuse, or rather reason, to invite both my dad and mum to the Mother's Day dinner organised by ARPC Chinese ministry (of course we did tell them that this is a Christian event, and there will be a person preaching).

It was such a rare occasion that my dad and mum actually agreed to go out together.. (well they have some problem w one another) and a miracle for them to sit through and listened to a sermon about Jesus Christ. Though dad and mum didnt respose to the message, I see it as a beginning.. at least now dad didnt flared up and this would imply to me that there will be more chance for me to talk to him about Christianity.

Toothache...

2006-04-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

Then well... one dramatic incident that had happened to me was that i lost a tooth on the 18 April. My left jaw was swollen over the weekend before that and it was so pain that I could not think well... so without much consideration, I’d gotten a dentist to pluck out a wisdom tooth from my left jaw. I went to work the next day and gotten a fever after that. Then for the rest of the week, I could not sleep and eat because the scene of the dentist pulling out my tooth just kept floating in my head, and the pain really bugged me.

The most stupid part, however, was that the tooth that I’d extracted is not the tooth that is having problem; it is the one that is biting onto the one that have problem. What’s more, I continued to do stupid thing with my teeth - I went for another dentist in AH, and signed up for a surgery to get all the rest of my wisdom teeth out... Well, the surgery will be in June but I think I will probably postpone it. So, if u wishes, and can remember this, probably u can pray for me…

Baptism...

2006-04-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

The next day that i wished to remember forever, is the day when i was baptised. It was on the 9th of April. And i was baptised with my sister, sarah, and many other believers. I am really glad that i am able to be baptised, and more, with my sister, who had just believed in Christ last year. Then, and now still, I was convicted that God saves, and will continue to save people into His kingdom, and I really hope that my parents may one day received Christ as their Lord too.

MM Conference 06

2006-04-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the ministry matters conference. It was great to get together to listen to God's word in this manner. This is the second time I'd attended this conference, and I guessed the number was smaller this year but there were a handful of non-ARPCian like the BTPCians, ORPCians and some other CFers too, it was great know these B.A.S.I.C from different churches.

It was also an encouraging thing to see a number of youths there to learn more about christian ministry. We also gotten to know Helen (David's wife) there, when she led a workshop with the gals. She was such a soft-spoken and humble lady that after speaking to her, we were greatly influence by her gentleness. However after trying to speak softer and slower ourselves, we burst out laughing and surrendered. We just can't be soft-spoken manz, what a shame!

But well, this conference had served a great reminder and encouragement to me, especially when i had just made a decision of not to take up Masters last night. The decision making process had been tormenting me for months.. since Jan. I had been deciding if i shall take up a masters degree or not, looking at my boss's offer and the convenience that i am working in NTU.

I declined the offer evenually.. and to say that I am firm and feel no regret, it will be lying. However, God's word do bring me back to focus.. that i shall not build my confidenece upon my education rather my confidence shall be on Christ.. my identity shall be of Christ..

Wedding Day of TYC and Vera...

2006-03-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

This day is the wedding day of a dearest brother-in-Christ (it is also my dearest sis's birthday), and I was the chinese emcee of the wedding; and thankfully, I gotta back my voice on the wedding day itself.

Yup.. I had a terrible sore throat a week before then, and had lost my voice on monday of that week. So I had gone for 2 doctors, and gotten 2 gargles (one was from my boss) and had been eating soupy stuffs and drinking all sorts of herbal tea just to get the voice back.. Manz.. thanks God for having my voice back such that i could sing and host for the wedding of tyc and vera.

Oh well..to talk more, I really appreciate this dear brother-in-christ, as it was this brother who dragged me to the CF-FOC so that I could be more involved in CF (i only go for music min in year one). Since then, I started to attend CF bible studies in yr 2. Then in yr 2 sem 2, he was the one who dragged (again) me to one of the CF's prayer meeting where there I was being introduced to and learnt and encouraged more from some new staff workers. I still remembered that the messages were taken from 1 Thessalonians.. teaching us what a real church is from the bible, and what is real Christian living is like. Not forgetting the time in SMU too.. i was influenced by him to attended a workshop in SMU, where i learnt how to read the bible in context.

Thereafter, I began to understand the christian faith more, and grew much (w the help of HS). I wondered if he knew it or not, there were a number of people who I am grateful for whenever I think about my faith and understanding now, and he is definitely one of them.

I guessed he had grew much too. From the way, his wedding was held, I was grateful that God had indeed worked in his and vera's life.. bringing them to grow well in the knowledge of our Lord and savior. And of course, not just the 2 of them, there are a number of us, when looking back, had grew much too. Though, there were still some disappointments, i guessed i still can trust God in working in the life of people.

i think i am crazy...

2006-03-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

gotten cranky.. and pissed over some friendship issue. I think i had over re-acted and definitely over-emotioned.. Arrrggg.. and definitely handled it in a bad bad manner.. *sob* will try to forgive and be forgiven by the other party too.

Dear anonymous...

2006-03-16T17:37:00.000+08:00

Dear anonymous, thanks u for making a comment in my blog.. i just wanna clarify my post a bit and also to share w u my belief... so sorry that it's going to be long..

First, i am not WHINING about holding joss-stick in my blog.. rather i am just sharing what's in my mind then, which was quite normal since i was at a wake, while i was there w tree.

i'm guessing that u are not a christian.. so u may not understand the struggle of us wanting to express our respect to the dead, whilst at the same time, knowing that worshiping the dead is wrong. I am posting that entry is NOT to express my disgust of joss stick or idols.. rather it's to express my concern and question that of being a christian who know that God is the only ever living being, who judges the living and the death when He comes again, how do i go about handling such issue..?

The 2 suggestions that u had given are definitely the best ones.. we should show our love and respect to the person while s/he is alive but not when s/he is dead.. we, compelled by God's love, should also find every opportunity to share Christ with the person in hope that God may have mercy and save the person from His judgment. We can't convert ppl.. only God does.

I am not worrying abt holding joss stick though since i know that God had forgiven us because of what Jesus did and not of what we do.. I am just worrying how the others will view Christianity and God thru our actions and words.. that's y i'm concern of whether holding joss stick would give ppl an impression that it is alright to worship the dead.. that's y.. to tell u frankly.. even right now.. i am hoping that this post would not cause u to have more misunderstanding or hatred with regard to God and christians.

Hope that u may at least understand that christians dun go around smashing idols or condemning people, we are of no postition to do that because we are not right, good and holy people. We are just sinners who recognised that we can't do everything right, can't love, even our close ones, with all our might, we came to see that we are self-centered, always want to do things our way... we are just a fallen being who recognised that no one, not even Christians, is perfectly good.. except God.

We are of no different from the non-christians.. except that we chose to trust in and live under a man who was here 2006 yrs ago.. who said that he is the Son of God, and he forgive all who believe in him and judge those who disregard him.. He mentioned, recorded in the bible, that all of us were dead ALREADY wo believing him.. and only him can give us life, so that we can know how to relate to people the way God intended us to relate.. (dead ppl can't relate to anyone) . So the core teaching of Christianity is not to do right things, it is not looking right, on for God, holy, spirtual or good.. no, the core is to love and relate w ppl patiently and lovingly.. which i personally find it real hard.

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing. (1Cor13: 1-3)

You may chose to believe tt u are not perfect now, the world is in a mess because ppl cannot love ppl.. but when He comes back again everything will be brought to perfection.

OR
u may choose to believe that u are perfectly good now.. able to relate well w all ppl.. patient and loving and dun need anyone to matter the way u live..

Your choice.

(I am so sorry, if i sound disputative.. and long... like i'd said, i am not perfect and i'm learning too.. If so, may u forgive me, and hope that u may want to find out more about this Jesus Christ.. As for my grandma.. just in case u want to know.. yup she had discharged from the hospital le.. we have been visiting her every now and then. Really thanks u for ur concern.. i really hope that u may leave ur name down so that we can know one another. )

Sad news dun come alone...

2006-03-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

Read up tree's blog again last morning.. and realised that her grandma passed away. Sad.. very sad.. especially when i recalled how tree had tried to evangelized to her granny one year ago.. especially when i had saw this pleasant old lady during tree's farewell party 4 months ago.. especially when this hainanese granny reminded of my own grandma who is in the hospital now...

Gone to the wake later in the evening.. tree was strong, though she was grief-stricken. I wondered how would i be if i were her.. and also.. during the wake.. I am battling, in my minds, with the issue of going through the ritual.. shall i go thru the ritual without holding the joysticks, just being filial and respect.. or should i not participate it at all..? .. i couldnt come to a conclusion.. so probably will discuss this w my sis when the time comes ba.. =S

Hospital Visit...

2006-03-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

I always hate going to hospital.. always. Hospital always put into me this melancholy moods and feelings which i really dislike.. I actually have to think hard of how to response and what to say when i am meeting the person in the hospital. Today was not an exception.

Granny was admitted to hospital again.. this time because of her weak heart, her kidneys are failing, and she couldnt control but to shit and pee wherever she goes. (Poor cousin mei, that she has to do all the cleaning up).. Doctor said that her heart may just stop anytime without any symptom.. That's so scary.. What is more, last night, cousin Ling is admitted to hospital too.. because she is giving birth to her child soon. So ya.. one happy occasion, the latter's not.

I visited cousin first (and of course gotta the above granny's condition from her), as i thought i could record or take some pics of the baby and show it to granny later, so that umm.. i gotta something to talk to granny later. Well, but that didn't help much i guess.. in the end i still struggle while talking to granny with my deteriorated hainanese (sad.. as i used to speak good hainanese =S )... and also struggle hard to find things to talk about with her. Nahz.. anyway.. after visiting them, the consequences and impacts of sin in this world just daunted me again.. u see new life born into a decaying world.. yet there is nothing i can do.. Well .. i really hope to tell them the gospel.. but lack of courage.. so i prayed, and depend on God's sovereignty and good timing... I will try to get the hainanese gospel, from one helpful couple in ARPC (=P forgotten their names), soon.. but really prayed that i may have the guts to play it for granny manz.. =S =S

Disappointment.. it brings about....

2006-03-06T12:54:00.000+08:00

I went to the ARPC membership class with my sis yesterday. It was a half-a-day event which started at 9 and ended at 4. I was totally glad that i had gone for this class. It'd given me a chance to retreat and re-focus on God and his good will. Chris Chia had spent the whole day with us, reminding us again on who is Christ, what is he here for and who were/are us before the Lord... etc. I had learnt and reminded of many things.

One of the many things that P.Chris had said that truly stirred my heart and thoughts is really the part when he was explaining Christ as the suffering Messiah. When Jesus told his disciples that the Son of Man must suffer and must be killed, Peter brought him aside to rebuke Him. Then P.Chris said (paraphrased by me), "The Jews expected a political Messiah.. not a meek, suffering one, hence it brought great disappointment to the Jews, when Jesus kept saying that he must be killed."... Then he cont'd.. (also paraphrased by me) " you see, great disappointment brings about..? What do u think great disappointment brings about..?" He asked it many times, with his hands gesturing a wide gap in height, and I thought it was 'rebuking' in my head. "What do u think comes after disappointment..?" he asked again.. but this time he answered his own question, "it's rejection lah"

Oh.. at that moment, i thought how true was it. Then, as a typical Chris Chia, he went on explaining this from Jesus' context and with many many real-life examples.. But in my mind, many many such examples from my memories was flowing thru me... i was totally ashamed of myself then, of how i had been so indifferent towards, rather how i had rejected, my mum , my aunt and some of my friends just because of my disappointment in them. I felt a tingle of sadness for those who i had known too, who was rejected and rejected others due to disappointment. Then.. i see again.. how utterly sinful we are.. how great is God's mercy, and how much more we need to depend on God to love others..

Of course, the things that i had learnt yesterday is not just this.. there are other mind-provoking issues too.. so yup.. in overall, i am glad, despite having to wake up early, that i had gone for the membership class.

Romans 8...

2006-02-11T16:53:00.000+08:00

This is a piece of summary on Romans 8, which i had written one year ago after i had studied it with Lincole's NIE group. Now looking back, I was really encouraged by how the Spirit had been working in me then.. helping me to understand the Word of God, and enabling me to have faith in Him. If it's not for the faith that had built up during the schooldays, I wouldnt be able to be reminded of and still trust in the existence of the KOH when i had started working and had seen the changes of my life and also that of my so many Christians brothers and sisters. In a while ago, i was still doubting if i am a Christian or not.. fearing that i am not the elected one.. i had seem to live a life that focus a lot on works and deeds.. and performances... i looked at myself.. i see me working hard, i looked ard i see ppl performing well. The humility of Christ seems forgotten.

Thanks God for the Spirit that dwells in me. It reminded me a lot.. rebuked me a lot.. caused me cried out and depended on the truth all the more. It had assured me that i am still a child of God, as there is no more condemnation. The basis of my salvation is not faith, all the more not works, the basis of salvation.. the basis of no condemnation is Christ, who had pay the price of sin once and for all. Amen. Now, in the 'not yet' domain, we struggled, just as how we are revealed to how Christ suffered, so that we can shared, what is revealed to us, the glory, the inheritance. May I be able to persereve and considered myself dead so that i can be alive in Christ... and be able to serve those in Christ too.

And now, this is the summary i had written one year ago..

After today's study of Romans, I am really convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

For there is no condemnation for those in Christ, because the Spirit had set us free, and that God had done what the law, weakened by flesh could not do. Because of what Jesus had done on the cross... the rightous requirement of the law can be fulfilled in us.. so that we can now 'obey the law'.. and be declared righteous, which we can't before Christ.

"For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous" ~ Romans 2:13

I am listening to Sarah Oh's song - Romans 8 as i am writing this now. A same understanding lingered.. Like this song had started, if we were to live our life, how are we to live now...? Upon being saved from God's wrath and assured an inheritance same as Christ, how are we to live now? Are we to live as one not saved or one that is saved? Are we to set the mind on flesh or to be led by the Spirit? Would we choose riches, the praises and acceptance of human beings, any possibility that our loneliness will end or will we choose Jesus... choose to allow God's Word to dwell us, choose to live a godly life?

"For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live" Romans 8:13

However, it's a sad sometimes, to see ourselves, Christians, trying to put to death the sinful deeds by ourselves, rather than BY the Spirit, trying to please God in the flesh... ends up crying every night, wondering are we right with God... fearing that we are not doing God's will... How long will it takes us to learn to depend on God..and be able to trust Him as our Father..? How long does it take us to understand the ability to become God's sons and the abilities to continue living as God's sons come from God Himself?

"14For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"

By the Spirit, we would be the heirs of God and co-heirs of Jesus and this will mean that we suffer with Him.. in order that we may glorified w Him. But the suffering now is nothing as compared to the glory we then will all share.

To all.. suffering is not something very special... we, be it christian or non christian, we all suffered. We were like children borned and grew up in a prison, therefore we see that we are living in a normal world.. a world that suffering is always there.. and this is the only world we know.

But this is not the world that was first created, but one under judgment, the whole creation is subjected to suffer because the world is not in Eden now, and it's bond to decay. Therefore the whole creation is groaning loud... it's screaming to tell that it's NOT right.. it's NOT normal. It is groaning in the pains of childbirths.. well this tells us two things - one, childbirth is very painful... two, there is a new life awaiting.

Likewise, we christians will suffer, be it personal struggle with sins or physical sufferings with the world. But our response to suffering is not to ignore it, thinking suffering is not there until a natural disaster occur to wake us up. Neither to deal it in our way, by drawing up rules and regulations, or becoming a monk and nun or committing sucide.

The way to deal with suffering is to groan, like the world in birthpain and persevere... not of one without hope, but one with hope, because our hope is not one without basis but one that is based on the death and the resurrection of an historical being, Jesus of Nazareth. Moreover we have the Spirit to help us in our weakness, help us from being drawn away from God, help us to depend on God, and helps us to know that our God is a sovereign God and that whatever He had promised will come to pass.

With such great God on our side, who can be against us..? What more do we need?
Therefore, I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, the present nor the future, not height nor depth, not any power in all creation
not trial nor threat, not the worst case situation nor life nor death can take away the ones God had chosen, can separate us from the love of God which is demostrated by the death of Jesus. Amen.

On this coming monday, it could be my fifth and last time studying Romans 8 in NTU... in a school setting. As i had said earlier, i had learnt a lot in NTU.. and had made many good friends that could encouraged me in this walk of faith.. at the same time, many things had happened in school that discouraged me and confused me.. I guessed.. i really need to grow up now.. and learn to be led by the Spirit.. As for my basis, Christ is still it.

Jurong Bird Park...

2006-01-01T23:29:00.000+08:00

Interesting.. i spent the rest of my new year's day in Jurong Bird Park. Thanks to *n*, and hamster and cat and of course my sis. Woken up by hamster in the afternoon, and he asked me the weirdest thingy that i ever heard when i'm just awaken - "wanna go bird park?" ..

And well, u know what is my answer.. Anyway.. though in the end we could only spend one hour there in the park (bcuz by the time, i wake up and prepare.. it was 4pm, excluding the travelling.. =S... ), it was still a fun trip. I had finally seen the waterfall.. yahz.. the supposely highest man-made waterfall in SEA..

Then.. it rained.. but well.. amazingly, that doesnt dampened the mood. When we finished the one hour walk in the park, we headed to the hilltop restuarant to eat.. then walked up the tower to take a hilltop view of the jurong island... Oh well.. fun and fruitful i would say to summarise this day, though a bit regret that it rained and that we didnt catch the sunset from the hilltop... anyway.. yup! that's still a good way to begin the first day of 2006.

ARPC New Year Eve..

2005-12-31T01:00:00.000+08:00

Today, i could probably say, is my very first time celebrating new year's eve. My very first time celebrating new year's eve with so many people. My very first time celebrating new year's eve in a restuarant, so near the S'pore River that we could see the fireworks right before our eyes, so big and beautiful. My very first time celebrating new year's eve with a preacher reminding us of Christ.. reminding us to wait patiently for His return in this world that is decaying... My very first time celebrating new year's eve giving thanks to God that my sister had became a Christian, and is growing in her understanding of this Lord tt i' loved. My very first time celebrating new year's eve as an ARPCian (if i could called myself to be one).. my very first time celebrating new year's eve with my mum.. though she understand not the message shared, but really hope that this could be a starting point for us to share the gospel w her... This is really the first time i'm celebrating new year 's eve w people that are closed to my heart- my sis, mum, *n* (though i was quite ashamed to say tt, esp when i wasnt tactful to sense the thing gg thr her mind then), tyc, my DG, hamster and cat.., and christians.. hopefully, this is not going to be the last, but the beginning.

PRC Orientation Camp 2005

2005-12-30T15:18:00.000+08:00

This would be the second time i had attended a prc freshmen camp. This time, i was just a day-tripper.. or rather a night-tripper, for i only join them in their night activities. So i do not have a group of my own, but well, my dear sister, *n*, was kind enough to have me joined her group so that i can help her out in the cheer leading competition... duhz.. and so, there i went..

The group, this year, was fun and managable. I have to said this group was different from the group i had last night as this year's ppl were more enthusiastic, and more modernised.. (if i had used the right word) Anyway.. i did had fun with them. I had joined them at Chinatown while they were having their dinner there.. i was quite shocked that they were not shocked to see a stranger join them out of no where.. but they were really friendly to me.. =).. The second night i joined them for their finale, as promised, but.. erm.. never fulfil my agreement to help out in the cheer, cuz i was really not familar w their cheer manz.. anyway.. it was really funny to see *n* rant and cheered.. that was one side of her that one would seldom,.. or never see..

Anyway.. as what i had felt last year.. this event was fun, and can say tt f'ship was built.. but i still feel that it is just the beginning.. the surface.. and more work is needed to be done with these people that we have came in contact with. Hopefully, in God's good timing, these people could come to hear and trust in the gospel of Jesus Christ.. hopefully though us.. i really hope that i can be less lazy.. and more lovingly.. so that i could be motivated to cont'd the f'ship w these ppl.. May God help us.. and me.

Yippee..!

2005-12-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

The presentation was over.. I could finally take a break from the days of OT.. and phew! everything went well, i think, my boss was really good in talking and arguing manz.. really wondered why he can be so good and confident..? anyway.. at last.. i can breathe a bit for now.. before i embarked on the project again next year.. がんばいてす..!

Just when we got closer, you had to leave..

2005-12-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

My partner had just left, and now I am alone on the project. Feel a bit incompetent.. and a bit sad that he is leaving. geez..

I long for the day..

2005-12-13T15:50:00.000+08:00

D D/F# G
I long for the day when faith sees its goal,
Bm G A D
When the things now unseen will be seen.
D D/F# Bm G7
The day when my Saviour comes for His bride,
Em G/A Bm
Whom His blood has washed spotlessly clean.
G G/A D
Whom His blood has washed spotlessly clean.

I long for the day when hope is fulfilled,
On which all of the saints will be raised.

The day all the nations kneel to the Lamb,
Giving Him all their honour and praise.
Giving Him all their honour and praise.

I long for the day when love will abound,
When the family of God will unite.
Our pain and our tears will have disappeared,
Freed at last from the trials of this life.
Freed at last from the trials of this life.

I had hurted..

2005-12-11T04:19:00.000+08:00

Went to a party last night.. a 'Christmas' party so called. Everything was just not right. I was too out of control.. i think. .. that i actually called up someone... initially to apologize of what i had said earlier... but i ended up scolding the person.
I am deeply sorry.. you know who you are.. but please dun reply. i should not have said what i had said. It was all rubbish. I was just too crazy then.. You said that you will be ok. I trust that, and I know that you are alright.. but i am not ok now, you know that.. nevertheless, everything will be ok soon, we all know that...

I had thinking a lot lately...

2005-12-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

Too long never blogged.. i guessed i was really busy. Busy thinking i think... but never ever thought it through. I cannot said that i had learnt during this period of thinking.. what i can say is that nothing had changed.. and this terrified me a bit. Nothing had changed uh? Probably not. I think i had became more unlovingly.. towards the people around me.

The many thinkings confused me sometime.. I could not bring myself to see or differentiate what is real and what is unreal anymore.. I feel that i am trapped in my own thinking.. i wanted to be happy too.. but i just can't be positive in the thoughts.. happiness or holiness? can i have both? why can some people seem so happy and carefree.. when i lamented over my actions and deeds each day?

Is Christ coming back? The year 2005 is ending soon.. many things had happened, good and bad.. and many things will. What had happened to me? Bad i think.. I could no longer encourage.. no longer love.. no longer share my knowing of Christ..? What i had left was just a fainted faith in something unseen yet true.. and each day i have to remind myself of the faith i had in Christ.. When is Christ coming back..? i am so afraid that i may lose this faith before he comes back, but again.. my faith is determined by God who had chosen to save me..

Under Construction...

2005-11-04T10:08:00.000+08:00

The process is never pleasant.. but the product will be... and perservance is its pith...
This person's life and thoughts are under construction.. =p
Please try again later.

Last Week..

2005-10-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

the week that had passed was depressing..

.... hope that the coming week will be better..

It gonna to be better manz....

I am a computer engineer..?

2005-09-30T03:31:00.000+08:00

"So this is what you have been doing for the whole day ah..? Whey.. computer engin your logic ah? So when can u finish this? .. what tml? so what shall i do now..?"

"....... ok ok.. i will try to be faster"

I am a computer engineer or rather i am known as a computer engineer.. Am i supposed to be able to program fast..? so am i suppose to know why my colleagues' program doesn't work? my logic should be flawless..? am i supposed to be damned smart? why can't I come out with a perfect logic for the GUI? Why am i so slow? I had spent 2 long days working on a simple gui yet it's still gotta bugs... I hate this.... I hate that i am not bright.. i hate that i can't accomplished the things i wanted to do. why am i not thinking faster..? why don't i have more self confidence..? Like what Guofeng had mentioned in his blog too, these research ppl in school
are damned smart.. fast and hardworking.. it just makes me felt inadequated...

I wanted to progress... to become smarter and faster. With this running in my mind while the service is going on, the msg banged a bit hard onto me... especially when Pastor chris cited the example of globalisation; it dawned upon me of how foolish i am to be lured into the business of self-progression... why do i have so much expectations on myself.. this is so foolish?

It was so kind of peixin and jianlong to stay back to talk to me after the service, though they had allowed me to release my frustration but my expectations were still there.. their expectations were still there.. monday will still be coming...

arrggg... stop thinking this way, gal!!!!

About death...

2005-09-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

I always thought that I'll not be afraid to die. For I know in certainty that dying will be better than living since then we will sin no more, and more importantly, we will be with Christ our LORD. ( However, the flip side of the coin is true too, as to live is for Christ... we live to encourage one another in Christ by staying alive, and to do the gospel work upon knowing mercy and knowing that time is short.)

To live is for Christ, to die is gain. That's why i thought that dying is not that frightening. But today.. my mind runs too wild a bit while on train to work. I thought that I am going to die.. and that thought actually causes me to tremble. The thought of me blowing up into many pieces of meat is just too horrible that I don't want to die. I tried then to rationalise that I am just afraid of the pain, or that i dun wished to die uglily.. but still, as the imagination continued, it uncovered my fear to suffer, especially physically. Now I really wonder what would I do if some terrorists come by with a knife and ask me denounce my faith? What if they threaten to saw off my head, or even rape me? Will I still be able to stand firm?

I dare not think further.. so i prayed dreadfully that the peace and harmony on this island may continue before I begin my day of work.

Time is short...

2005-09-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

(reflection from the study of Revelation 12)

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
"Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short."

~Rev12:10-12

Satan was defeated. He was crushed by the Lamb; and so we who believed the Lamb had, or rather, have victory. Ashamed I am, to live a life as if Satan was not defeated. Yes, there are still disasters and diseases going around, wars and strife too.. and true, people are still hurting one another deliberately or not.. and yes, I do still sin..and thus being 'accused'.. but is this going to continue forever?... Sometimes, i just feel that i or the world can't do anything...Will this world continue in this bad state? No.. The time is short. The time where the world is messed up by Satan, one way or another, is short. Satan knows it.. he knows that his time is short, so he is working hard to create havoc, deceiving people and drawing people away from God. Satan is doing his work.. because he knew his time is short. How about us , the ones who know that the time is short too? -_-

Happy Birthday.. Yifen!

2005-09-23T13:27:00.000+08:00

No life...

2005-09-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

If you have been reading my blog for a long time, you might had concluded that this blog wasn't that interesting to read but the reason you continued was because I am your friend or probably you think that I am cute and wanted to know me better... =p But the more you know about me, the more you will see that i am a boring soul.. My life just circled around my work, my family, my Christian walk and activities - I go to work every weekday from 9 to 6 then Mon night goes to bible study, tues goes to DG, Wed home, Thurs CGLG, Friday Church, Sat shopping with my sis, Sunday tuition. I don't have an exciting night life cuz I dun club. I don't have a boyfriend and I don't have other exciting activities nor do I go for any spa, kick boxing, nail polishing, movie every month or short overseas trips etc... My pastimes? read blogs, watch anime, sleep, guitar. Boring?

I'm not sure about you, but when I told this to Sandra this afternoon, while she met me up for a following up session for her Bel'Air thingy, she concluded "Wah, you gotta no life, gal." I think she just can't believed that I spent almost all my nights doing bible study. She continued, "dun you wanna a boyfriend? dun you wanna to do some stuffs that you like...? blah blah blah... " Then she offered her Bel'Air thingy again, saying that it could free up more time for me to do the things i like.

I didnt argue with her much, in fact I felt indifferent to her response. Because I do admit that I have no exciting life.. since i see myself having an eternal life; and this eternal life is so overwhelming that I dun feel regret of not having a more exciting life. However, I guessed it is still not good for me to keep hearing ppl around me commenting that I gotta no life. =S.. i do feel a bit shaken now.. and probably a bit leftout, especially, when more than 2 ppl inscribed the same comment to me. Well... may my sinful nature be put off while I remember things on heaven now.

Bible Study Retreat...

2005-09-14T14:36:00.000+08:00

I took a leave yesterday to go to the retreat organized by yongjie and ray for the 'friend-friend bible study group". What can I said, it was such a great retreat, especially at this time when i was battling the greedy monster... It provided me a time out to refresh my mind so that it can be set on the things in heaven. Yongjie and ray went through "God's Big picture" during the retreat, it reminded me of the things that God had been doing since the beginning of man's history, and the things He is going to do in man's future, and how we are in the plan of His, and how we are involved in the plan God has for mankind. This reminded me greatly, and then how ashamed I was to realize that I wasn't actively thinking of the things God had revealed, whereas I was looking into satisfying my own needs on my own... Oh God, how i hope i could be reminded of the things in heaven often manz.. =s

Greed unleashed...

2005-09-12T10:03:00.000+08:00

This started when I agreed to go with Sandra to her company to play the 'Cashflow' game 2 weeks ago. And for the past two weeks, there was a constant battle in my mind.. tormenting me.

One side of me cried out, " you need money! and the job is not paying you enough... If you want to have control of your time.. if you want early retirement.. this is not enough. You see the people around.. they can earn 5-digit salary a month.. and you can too. With a stable passive income, you can soon stop working and work on the things that you wished to do... "

And the other side said... "Are you sure that this is right in the eye of God? Do you truly trust that God provides? You knew it well that money is not everything and the purpose of you living and working is not to earn money.. you know it well that you do not need to worry about money, since money or anything else is given by God for you to be a good steward of.. then why are you thinking of 'earning enough'? And do you know that (in fact i think you had realised it too) that once you have more, you will spend more, and become more proud of yourself and less dependent on God…"

I can't then come to a conclusion..

I never expected that i will struggle that hard in the issue of money. Probably, this struggle came about since i'd just started to earn money now. Suddenly, I am spending my own money, and suddenly i am independent, in a way. Or probably, I am always suppressing the greed... and somehow, Sandra woke up the 'sleeping' sinful nature of me. But the solution she provided was so far the same as what given by my parents... "Earn as much as you can!!"

Then, she offered a network marketing business to me. It's easy money and I had to admit that I was tempted... But I was reluctant to join her, because I dun have the capital.. and I was always skeptical towards the network marketing. But the aftermath effect of waking up the greedy monster still lingers… and even right now, I am still unsure where is the place of money in godly living or what should I do or how should think when battling this greedy monster.. ?.. Duhz! Can I choose the easy way to think.. just hope that Christ comes back and do nothing?.. maybe I should get someone to talk to soon..

Koran and Bible...

2005-09-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

It was kind of unexpected, but cool, that I could had a nice chat with a Malay colleague of mine today.. This was something that I hope that it could happen more often, so that the r'ship that i had with the people in the lab will not just be constrained to work and other superficial stuffs. Nonetheless, the conversation also led to a discussion of our religion. And well again.. =(.. i was dumbfounded. Felt a bit useless that i didn't 'God-talk' well.

He mentioned that the root of Christainity, Islam and Jewish religion is the same, just that Christianity's Scriptures were diluted because of the 'dual authorship' whereas the Islamic writings are more convincing as it is word for word. Moreover, he could not accept that God is one yet three, so I told him that the trinity of God was being revealed in the bible rather than taught... but guess that doesn't help him much since he already see that the bible is not creditable. Anyway, I thought that the conversation was good though, for it had made me wanna know my stuff more.

Predictions cannot be proven...!

2005-08-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

Finally my colleagues started talking about Christianity le.. but upon knowing that I am a Christian, the discussion didn't last very long. Hastily, the conversation ended with "when it comes to religion, it is very hard to talked (or come to a compromise)".

We started off this topic because one of my colleague was approached by a Christian, who apparently evangelised to him. However, from what my friend commented, the christian had seemed to show him many predictions from the bible that had happened, and told him some more predictions that will to happen. My friend's response, in the end, was as described in the title.. that predictions cannot be proven; I didnt mention a thing throughout.. (guilty) because I kinda agreed (correct me if i am wrong), to his response because i do agree that the bible is not predicting the events happening on earth - like when was Israel coming back as nation, when there will be a chip in our hand, when everyone will have a number craved onto the head.. or when is the end of the day.. Rather i see that whatever the bible say or reveal or predict is about the person of Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ only - of who is he, what he'd done, and what will he do. And that the bible is very clear, that the Christ will comes back and when he comes back this old world and its ways will come to an end. Amen!Well as for now.. just hope that there may be some other chances where we can talk more..

Dinner at Shih Guan's place...

2005-08-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

It had been a very long since the last time I'd been to Shih Guan's place. I always remembered the great time where a great number of us gathered together as CGLG.. having retreat at his place.. learning bible together and planning for the new semster.. Well though, the situation had kinda changed now, it's so delighting to see us, different fellow BASIC still coming together.. still catching up with one another.. still encouraging each other to persereve our walk with Christ.. I really do hope that this will continue, even after a few years down the road..

".. among the lampstands was someone like the Son of Man.."

2005-08-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

(reflection2 from the first study of Revelation)

Probably is the changes in life that makes me feeling lost.. when i look around, i see things in a more negative way. I see much struggling inside myself.. and i see much troubles in the world.. so i wished that Christ can come back soon. But i had seemed to forget that i am not struggling alone.. and i am not struggling with my own strength.. and that the world is not groaning in pain alone.

Therefore I was greatly encouraged by the last study. It talked about the revelation of Jesus Christ.. it talked about the certainty that Christ is coming back, and most importantly, is that even before he came back, which is now, he is among the churches.. he is among us who revere his name.

"I saw seven golden lampstands, and among the lampstands was someone 'like a son of man', dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest." ~Rev1:12-13
"The mystery of the seven stars that you saw in my right hand and of the seven golden lampstands is this: The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, and the seven lampstands are the seven churches." ~Rev1:20

Though we see sin everyday and though we see pain and injustice everyday, we are proned by His spirit to trust in Him more.. to trust that He is in control of everything.. and he will bring these to an end. What a great privilege we had to have such a comfort!

When is Christ coming back?

2005-08-23T23:17:00.000+08:00

(.. a reflection from the 1st study of Revelation)
Nobody knows except God the Father Himself. But His coming back is a certainty.

This is a question that I had been asking almost everyday, either to God or to the friends around me. This question had expressed my weakness (i'm feeling weak everyday) - the inability to anything for myself and for this world. I need Christ to come back and end everything here.

Come to think of that, don't you want an end to this nonsense we had everyday too? When we opened up the newspaper everyday, we see depressing headlines like 'Outbreak of bird flu virus '... 'Bomb blasting kills 16'.. 'Ten killed, 20 trapped in collapsed building in flood-hit city' and etc. People all around the world are killing, cheating, and hurting one another; People around the world is suffering and the poor suffered much still. There is no relationship with one another and everybody is fighting to be the top one... to make a name for themselves, in the expense of others.

And I think when we bring this down to a more micro level, we will be guilty of exploiting other people for our name's sake too. Some of us wanted to earn a name in our workplace that we put all our energy into working hard that we'd forsaken our family. There is no relationship with one another. Some of us lied to make our life better than some other people. There is no relationship with one another. Sometimes we quarrel.. even with our loved ones.. because we want things to be done our ways. Sometimes we just don't bother to say 'thanks' from the bottom of our hearts to the people who loved us or helped us - like our lecturers or our parents - we just think we deserved to be loved.

The point of saying all these is not to condemn us. It is not to ask you to strive more to be a better or loving person. The point I wanted to say, is quite a pessimistic one, is that we have no ability to change the state we are in. In mirco-level we can try to be a better person, but deep in our hearts we know that we can never be better.. somedays we just get angry, somedays we just can't help to hurt our loved ones. In the macro level, we can form good organisations to help the poor and needy, but the poors and needy are always around. The world is still not a better place. There is still injustice around. There is no r'ship w one another. Even i can be a good person outside, I know deep down there is still some people that i will not want to sacrifice my time for. I can't love everyone well, not even to the people who had loved me.

We are like broken tools trying to mend the broken world, without mending ourselves. We need Christ to come back and put an end to everything. When he returns, he will do something to the broken tools and world. For those who had trusted in him, the broken tools will be transform, not mended, to a totally new one; whilst those who didnt trust him will be thrown into the fire. There will be a new world, where is no more death or mourning or crying or pain. Everyone who could see the new world will not be able to do evil anymore.. there will be r'ship w one another and they will give thanks and honor to the Lord forever and ever. Amen.

Thank God that His return is certain; and so would you trust Him who is, and who was, and who is to come?

CFs gathering...

2005-08-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

Today was so fun and good. It is like a break from a routine. I gotta meet many people that I'd loved yet have not met for a long time. Yup, after visiting my grandma with my dad and sis, I went to the Botanical Garden. Janice, our dear sister is taking her wedding photo there, and some of us were invited to be 'extras' in the photo shooting. It was such a fun time.. getting to know new friends and posing different pose and walking around the Botanical Garden. Well I'd to confess in a way that this is my first time walking in the garden, I never know that it is so beautiful.

Thereafter the short phototaking session, I rushed all the way down to Bukit Batok.. to Wir wir's house for the music min gathering.. i must say that i missed the time we had spent together at hall one practising and singing... ... aahh... really really miss it .... Well.. things aren't the same anymore now.. nahz.. anyway, wai was there too, though he was not a music minner, he was there to conduct a workshop for us, and well.. duhz, the topic is on the famous BGR thingy.. anyway, i like and think i had learnt much from Wai's workshop.

grandma admitted to hospital...depressed..

2005-08-18T19:33:00.000+08:00

My family received a call last midnight as we were all about to sleep. It was from my cousin. She told my dad that grandma was admitted to NUH, and was quite critical. My dad got worried, so were sis and me. I was thinking rushing down, with dad, to the hospital whilst sis offered me to pray together for grandma. We prayed, whilst dad went down alone. After prayer, another call came, and aunt exaggerated that grandma was dying soon.. so we rushed down to the hospital after that, one reason is also to be there to give support to my uncle's family.

I sms-ed friends to pray for grandma, because deep in me, I was hoping that she could hear the gospel before she leave. I hoped this at the last time when she was hospitalised too, and I had kinda promised myself to spend more time with her, and by all means, tell her about Jesus Christ. I was disappointed of myself... that I can't get myself motivated to do so. Then many thoughts came though.. I began to see that I was very passive, and I hated it because I wanted things to be done very much, but why I can't make things happen. This is true for my work right now... and it is also true for ministry matters too, in fact, I see that the whole life was too laid back.. so nothing was done.. then stressed up.. then despaired.

A few weeks ago, when I knew that I was coming back to school to work, I wanted very much to continue leading bible study with some gals. Not only me, some of my friends encouraged that too. But what happened now, too laid back -> nothing done -> stressed up -> despaired. AARRGGG... I hated it... for my tuition kid was the same case too.. and so was han min and sixian and her friend...

I do not know what is my priority of my life now. Is it God? Is it work? Is it myself? Arrgg.. I do not know.. life is moving very fast now especially when i started working.. i dun seem to have time to think or plan what to do.. each day is like a routine.. and each morning i uttered the same prayer - May the Lord come quickly.

Aarrrggg... sad.

40th National Day!

2005-08-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

Happy 40th Birthday Singapore.
I had took some pictures of the firework from the highest level of my flat.. wanted to show it but.. erm.. too lazy to get it done... well try it put it up soon.. so stay tune.

And yup! This year I watched the parade at home after having the last bible study on Malachi at Dan and Alison's place..
Upon learning from the book of Obadiah and Malachi, I truly thank God that He had mercy on the nation of Singapore; cuz i had learnt from Obadiah especially, that if the Lord would bring down a nation, no one could raise it up again. What's more is that the Lord had allowed his gospel to be heard on this island, and that we can worship Him without any prosecution from the authority of this land. May Lord continue to cause His Word to bear fruits here. Amen!

Friendship service...

2005-08-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

This was such a nice surprise to me, when Han min agreed to come for the friendship service when i asked him for the first time last week. But geez, I woke up late this morning despite knowing that I'm bringing a friend for service. Nonetheless, after rushing down to SBC, and apologising to him, we went for the service, just in time for the last 2 songs of the singing session. I thought that the whole service was pretty good from the start till end. And, Han min also thought so. His feedback was that he had a 'culture shock' for the first 5 mins, because he realised that nobody raise their hands whilst singing. I thought that comment was quite amusing though. Anyway, he mentioned that he had learnt a lot from the service, and wished to join the coming JYN to understand more of his christian faith. But well, still need to pray for him ba, because JYN will be on every Sun, which i think he will be too busy to come. Nevertheless, I really hope that he could come and learn so that he could impart the things he learnt here to SJSM's ppl, whom I'm really concern too..

Sentosa Trip..

2005-08-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

Well well.. when Grace first 'jio'ed me for this Sentosa trip a few weeks back, i thought it would be a great time of fellowship-ing with one another before all of us embarking into our busy school term. Little do i know that the Sentosa trip is organized not for the above reason. It is to welcome Steven though; and I only know that not very long ago.

Anyway.. i still went for it just to get myself caught in a 'lightbulised' situation. For i woke up late this afternoon, so i'd gone down to Sentosa in such a late timing that the rest were making their way home while leaving the 2 couples and me there in that island... 2 couples? yes 2.. Grace and Steven, Charmain and Yiyi. If you asked me, being a lightbulb for one couple is bad enough, now two.. =S and worse still, they had not learnt in church that married (in this context, dating) couples should welcome single people like me into their activity so as to encourage one another in a godly manner... They are just too engrossed in keeping themselves accompanied..

So what did I do to avoid the awkwardness of 'lightbulism'? Well i tried to pull the gals to my side to talk initially, and tell them that I felt like a lightbulb now and ask them to help me not to feel this way.. but nahz.. this method proved fruitless to me. So in the end, we went 3 separated ways. The couples wanna be alone, so I ended up touring the island alone. But hey, surprisingly, doing the tourist job alone was quite a hearty enjoyment. I could go around the island at whatever pace i want and to whatever places extemporaneously; when i stopped to take pictures i do not need to worry of delaying another person and etc. Except that there is no one to talk to, the whole touring thingy was superd, i had gone to almost all the tourist sites that i always wanted but never been, like the Orchid Garden, Giantic Merlion etc. Nevertheless, i had kinda enjoyed the trip ba!

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just a small note to myself that last year this date is the day I started blogging.. yippeee .. duhz...geez!

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Started Work Today...

2005-08-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

I am stepping into a totally new chapter of my life today, although i am still in the world. I am known, not longer as a student but as a working adult now.. I will not be able to ask my dad for money, rather i have to start contributing to the family le.. i will not have a flexible amount of time to do the things i like.. I cannot sleep late and wake up late anymore.. and i cannot skip lectures like nobody's business le.. and for transportation, i have to pay more than when i am a student. What is worse is that, i guess that this 'chapter' will continue for another ten, or even more years whilst living..

Alright.. enough of this, so, how's my first day of work today? Well.. it's terribly boring. My 'partner' tried to run the application so as to let me take a look of the simulation that they had been doing. The application, however, compiled with many many errors. So... the whole day was wasted trying to debug the application, no.. to be precise, it should be that - for the whole day, i just sit beside him and look at him keying some stuffs.... though once in a while, he will try to ask me some really technical questions, which i dunno how to answer, to make me look stupid. And i think i really looked stupid when he asked me to write a simple Opengl program to test, and i wrote one without the main() function.. Arrgg... what is happening to me...? Sad!

...=S

2005-08-03T17:21:00.000+08:00

I was complained by my part time work's supervisor of my bad attitude... what shall i do? am i really in wrong? i dun remember having any dispute with her... in fact i was real quiet during my one week there.. i thought that she was friendly to her subordinates, so was i being too friendly to her that i had neglected the offical formality? Or is it because i speak English to her and she is not used to it.. thinking that i am proud?.. or is it i speak too fast to her ? What's wrong with me? I dun like being accused like that... what is the godly thing to do? my agent said that she will explain to her the misunderstanding... do i still need to buy her gifts and meet her up face to face to apologise..?... apologise.. then i would need to know what to apologise for... =s..

This scared me a lot.. so how shall i conduct myself in work? what is godly behaviour in workplace? be myself..how to be myself..? if i wanted to be myself, it would be the chirpy.. childish little gal.. with no professionalism. Be a "victorious" christian?... someone with great self-confidence, who go around with a big smile everyday and 'hallelujah' every hour?.. Be a quiet soul that does her work without any comments and complaints..? I'm lost.. and i dun like the feeling of being lost... =s .. and tml is the first day of work.... =S

sad.... i wished that life can be easier.. r'ship with people can be simpler.. I wished that Christ can come back soon to restore all things back to the simple good state.....

Back to school...

2005-08-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

yup yup.. i was back to school cuz i gotta a job in NTU. I will be working as a project officer in the School of Mechanical and Areospace Engineering, and i will be doing the programming to stimulate the robot.. =) It is so fun to be back in school.. to be able to meet friends and continue to do bible studies with the people that i had been doing BS since last year .. to be back in a familar environment.. to be able to eat the goody "mee sua" where i cant find it else where except in NTU.

Anyway, I'm starting work on Thurs... =P.. cuz i need some time to deal with my part time issue.. I was back school today to hand up my application forms and to go thru some admin procedure. And well, since i was back in school.. i was caught by some ppl to have lunch with... =)Met up with Poh Lin and Yong jie for lunch.. had some good talk.. then headed to SCR for they need to do some work using their computers.. so i bummed around .. then talked again... =p

Later.. we met up with the CE CG for dinner.. I'm so glad to see the boys meeting up as a CG with the keen interest of continuing studying the bible with us, despite the fact tt we are not longer under CF... pray that God may continue to keep us in Him.. helping us to understand His word as we gathered to study His word in this manner.

After the quick dinner with the CG, me, Ray, Yongjie together with Shaun and Pohlin went for a meeting with the pioneering president and secretary of CF. Well... to summarise my thoughts.. i just hate talking to saleperson... =S they just went all around with their beautiful and impactful words... i was quite lost then.. and i dun like this feeling.. in fact hate this feeling to be unsure.. Hence, this wonderful day that i had was ended with this upsetting feeling... =z

The past 2 weeks...

2005-07-29T01:09:00.000+08:00

I had not been blogging for the past 2 weeks.. partially because i was busy last week and that i had a very bad week a fortnight ago..

Well i can't remember much of the things that had happened a fortnight ago.. what i could remember now was still my stubborness and sinfulness.. how me and sis trying to talked sense to mum at the MacDonald which ended up in quite an ugly situation... how i was in such ruefulness after that... and how a wretched person i am..

i needed to work.. i dun wanna to depend on her anymore.. so i went to get a part time job.. Hence, for the past one week, i had been working as an order processing officer at Amway.. it's quite an interesting job for it kept you busy. The amount of orders to process is unceasing, the number is so great that i needed to work overtime to finish processing the day's orders... and hence by the time i reached home, i was just too tired to go online..

The highlight of this 2 weeks, i guess, was that i went for Theresa's birthday party on the 23rd of Jul.. that was a very fun party for we got to wear our uniforms to attend that party. I couldn't find any of my school uniform =S so tree gotta me to wear her ACJC's uniform.. It's so cool, i think, to be able to wear some other's uniform.. Anyway.. i think Ray still gotta the best treat, he gotta wear tree's MGS uniform and hence gotta the fun of cross dressing as a gal...
and for the first time.. i drew comic strips as a birthday card to her.. i was so proud of myself to be able to produce such a creative stuff..

The next highlight.. was that i was asked to go for an interview yesterday in NTU... i was so nervous that i couldnt sleep for the whole Wed's night. I was thinking and researching online of what my job scope was like and was trying to run through the interview in my mind.. in the end, it was not an interview at all.. the in-charge was showing me around the lab and telling me what was expected of me.. in another word.. i gotta a job in NTU.. yippee.. i will be going back to school =P

Project Timothy Bible Conference...

2005-07-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

I just came back from PTBC which is a 3 days 2 nights stay-in conference that teaches people to handle the Word of God faithfully. This kind of bible conference is held every year and different speakers would be invited to speak and teach about some issue from the bible. Like last year, the topic is on Holy Spirit, whilst this year is on the issue of predestination.

I personally had learnt much from the conference ( but well, i will not try to write out a summary now cuz mi a bit lazy now.. =p.. maybe some other time ba.. ) and had made some new friends from other churches too. For me, the workshops on how to read the book of Revelations and Hebrews was very useful, though it was quite brief and short, i think i had learnt a lot from Ray Galean and Peter O'Brien... even from their sermons, they had encouraged me a great deal, to perserve in the faith I had in Christ Jesus and to really trust in God's sovereignty..

Sister's Convocation...

2005-07-14T05:01:00.000+08:00

This was kinda duhz lorz... that she finished her exams earlier than me, but her convocation was a few days after mine. Anyway, too bad for her lahz because we had forgotten to charge the camera after using it for my convo on monday... and so, she had to take pics on her frenz' camera..

Played chinese chess with dad while waiting for the ceremony to start, since we were one hour early and then we sat there and waited for another 1 hr so for sis to get onto the stage and then another 1 hour before the whole ceremony ended...

So yup.. sis's convo is one highlight of today.. another thing was that i'd met irene at serene's centre today, I'm so glad to have met her for she was one dear friend of mine in badminton team during JC time, and i was so encouraged to hear that she is still holding fast to the faith in Christ.. We chatted a lot, mainly to update one another of our life so far.. it was then that i realised and was thankful that i had learnt and grew much in Christ in these 4 yrs too.. I prayed that she would continued to grow in her faith so that the next time we meet we can still encourage one another in this manner.

Convocation...

2005-07-11T04:54:00.000+08:00

yup yup.. this day was my convocation, and well this was my first time attending convo and also the first time that i'm wearing the academic gown.. the first time that my dad attended a ceremony of mine and guessed this was also be one last event tt would conclude one chapter of my life.. so felt a bit nervous then.

The ceremony was pretty boring.. I waited and clapped my hands for like 1 hour before i could proceed to the stage. While waiting, I was talking to 2 fellow CE guys, beside me, whom i had never seen before.. so well, it was really hard to find topic to talk to them, hence there were many awkward silence..

Thereafter the ceremony, i went around, with ray as the cameraman (my camera was w my sis and she was nowhere to be found), to take pics with my different lecture mates... Found my sis, and therefore my camera, later... so gotta yifen to help as the camerawoman..=P.. nahz.. but in the end, dun think i had taken much pic.. I could remembered last year i was the camerawoman for Diana's convo and we had practically walked around the whole school to take pic and that was what i mean a lot..

Cake smashing...

2005-07-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

I was back to some cake smashing action, since char.k is not around and I was in some kind of mischievous mode then, at ray's birthday.. the cake smashing was quite well done i think, at least it looked as if i hated him a lot.. hahaha.. anyway.. brother, you know that i dun.

Anyway, this party was really fun.. we had yongjie preaching about praying - i was quite shocked to see him delievering a short talk when i arrived but well it encouraged me in the end. The food was great.. and the number of people was just nice to be comfortable. Then we played my game of guessing the pattern... and as finale we had a magic show done by ray's friend which was as good as the professional... very entertaining i must say.

We went over to Grace's house to continue catching up with one another manz.. she gave us some souvenirs.. and chocolates before showing us her Europe trip's photos which was so much that we took more than 1 hr to view them.. i gotta a bit restless in the end, nevertheless i was happy for her, as we broswe thru the photo, that she had such a wonderful there..

Looking for job..

2005-07-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

I woke up a bit earlier today to look for job after bumming for such a long time. Well, actually it was my sister who dragged me out of the bed.. She was very enthusiastic in finding jobs for herself, and helping me to find a job too. I do felt a bit 惭愧 though, at the same time thankful of her for what she had done.. Not that i had found a job in the end, but that i was motivated a bit to look for a job on my own.. and yar also for the ability to walk around.. feeling like a human, after staying too long at home in front of a computer... bleh..

Anyway, went to walk around on my own after job hunting, before going to church today. I was quite shocked to see two great of mine coming for service.. they were pinsin and mel.. woahz.. it had been ages since i last saw them face to face.. was quite happy though.

Obadiah...

2005-07-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

Finally, we are starting our bible study on the book of Obadiah after a month break.. I am excited. Really excited.. probably because of the wonderful introduction of this book and Malachi during the last adult meeting, I am anticipating to learn more... to know more, and to grow more into the r'ship with this faithful and unchanging God. Really pray that I can understand and understand it well.

Which church to go?

2005-07-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my tuition gal sms to ask me of my opinion of city harvest church because she will be visiting it today. Well i didnt told her much, so as not to confuse her; instead i just briefly told her that CHC is a good place for fun and loud musics but she will learn nothing about Jesus Christ.. and that i told her that she may go there to take a look and we shall discuss it today during our tuition session.

I was so glad to hear from her today that she had finally decided to believe in Christ. Thanks God for His mercy towards her. Then we spent like 1 hr or so talking about it before our lesson. We started off with how's her time in CHC and who brought her there etc, since she went there this morning, she said "woah their music is really loud.. but the speaker was good" "my friend brought both of us there.. but she is a lesbian" "i feel like going for their this talk by A.R Bernard"... i was quite dumbfolded with her reply.. then i wondered how to advise her on church choosing, without being judgmental towards CHC..

... I started by telling her a bit of the church scenes around us.. explain very briefly on the different denominations we have and also the charismatic nature of CHC. I pointed out to her that Christianity is not a religion where we do and don't to earn salvation and Christianity is not about us.. of how we can live a successful life. Christianity is all about CHRIST, God's king to save, judge and rule.. it's about the r'ship of the Creator and his creation. About we human, the creations kept telling our Creator that we dun need Him; that we want our own ways.. tt we rebel against Him. Instead of calling God God, we invented something that we want to be god. So God being a righteous God have to punish us for our wrongs, that's y we were dead, no gd r'ship w Him, no gd r'ship w ppl around us... we'r like dead ppl! It is only through Christ and Christ alone that we can have reconciled r'ship w God and be able to know Him. And it is upon knowing the Creator that we can understand the creation. That's why i told her that the key to note when choosing a church is that the church teaches Jesus Christ, our Lord and God faithfully and truthfully.

One can easily spot a church that did not teach Christ truthfully, for example if a church said that 'Christ did not really died' we can know for sure that the church is not teaching the right stuff. But how about churches that invented a Jesus that love to be clapped for and see worship as singing songs...? .. how about those that only tell you half truth? for example 'you must study the word of God because it will teach you of how to live ur daily life and bring you great success in ur marriage, ur business and investments.' but never talk about the suffering as christian. How..??=S The latter is so subtle, and hence so difficult for her, even us, to be reckoned with, what's more she's a new believer.

umm.. i started to wonder if i should just give her some advice and allow her to look around on her own.. or should i just recommend her and bring her to a church.. Anyway, i think i had done both le.. i had invited her to the friendship service in ARPC whilst trying to find out more about TNYF... at the same time worriedly i told her to go look around first lahz.. =S yar.. i know that it's quite irony but what to do.. can only pray to God laz...

Part Time Job...

2005-06-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

Well.. I had looked forward to this day where i can work and earn a bit of pocket money.. Thanks Pauline for such a 'lobang' where i can simply sit in an air-conditioned supermart and count stuff... It wasn't really a tough task to do but it gotta a bit boring as time went by, fortunately, it was just for a few hours and i'd earned $40. These were the first dollars that i'd earned this holiday (i havent receive payment for the php proj yet)...*big sigh* Hope that i can really get a permanent job soon so that i can be financially independent a bit baz... but still i'm a bit 力不从心 ehz..

Meet the client...

2005-06-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

Today, i went over to tye wei's place to meet the client of the project that we had been working for. Yar.. and his name is Bobby. Well, i kinda thought that that will be last day of the project cuz it felt so much like a project presentation to a lab supervisor when Ray presented the workflow of the project. What's so different is that the client, unlike the professor in school, dun seem knowledgable.. so it's less stressful i guess..

But well... towards the end of it, the meeting turned into an argument.. some bickering so that each side can reach an agreement. The client wanted lotsa stuffs in their website.. but... refuse to pay us extra for it.. so yar.. it's a bit unfair to us lahz.. so TW.. kinda restricted the client to make as little changes as possible..

well.. was trying my best to look serious then, and try to learn as much as i could.. but guess maybe the only thing that i'd learnt from today's meeting is the skill of negotiation baz..

Sixian called...

2005-06-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

It was such a surprise that i recieve a call from her this evening.. she called from Australia.. and well that's the first time I had an oversea call like that.. Anyway, it was so great to hear from her again.. she is really a sister that is close to my heart.. Arrhh.. miss the good old days!

What a wilful brat i am...

2005-06-26T02:29:00.000+08:00

I had regretted of what i had done today... calling people up to ask them out to accompany me out of the blue... I was in the wrong already in the first place .. and by doing so.. urg.. what a fool i am... Sorry to those i had imposed on.. sorry.

Marketplace fellowship for graduate CFers...

2005-06-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

I was invited, together with the rest of the freshly graduated CFers, by Shih Guan to attend this so called marketplace fellowship...

Well.. I really think that it is good that we, once partners in gospel ministry in school, can still be continuing in the partnership of the gospel after the guaduation.. That warms my heart a bit.. to know that we may still continue to build up one another in this manner.

The number is small.. and the people combination is really fresh to me.. This is the first time i had bs (not cglg) with the accounting ppl like shih guan, phillips, sarah and francis.. oh.. eunice was there too.. so glad to see her around.. to learn God's word from the book of James tog...

well.. it's probably because of the camp.. that now I'm thankful and really appreciate the privilege that i have to study or listen to God's Word with fellow BASIC (Brothers And Sisters In Christ)... thanks God for that..

JFN Chill Out @ Settler's Cafe...

2005-06-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

Yup yup... as the title speaks for itself, we had a wonderful evening at the Settler's Cafe .. feasting and playing games with one another.. (we played Jenga and Pictionary tog in groups...) However.. i felt that the tables are too long for me to have the chance to talk to the ppl in the far end.. like Alison.. and Dan.. and Christine.. i didnt even talk to Melissa for the whole evening..

Well... hope that we may have more chances to hang out with one another ba... and of course have a proper group photo then..

My new niece...

2005-06-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

Today i went, with my sis, to the party of my newborn niece's one month celebration...

Tadaa.. and that's the new gal.. her name is Ruby, which is a computer language -also know as 'the next Perl (her sis's name)' Ya.. btw my cousin is a computer geek!

I was however amazed by his friendship with his friends.. it was so deep that he could allow her kindergarden aged Perl to stay overnight at his best friend's house.. Well that's amazed me because i never stay over at any of my parents' frens' house before... anyway.. that's not the point.. the point is i shall start making effort to love my friends.. to build deep f'ship.. so that in 10 yrs down the road we will still be having fun tog..

How's your mum..?

2005-06-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

This is the first "greeeting" i gotta from Wee Seng when i went for the Fri's service today... "How's my mum..? err.. she is ok lahz.. aarrrggg *hand pulling hair*.. she callled u too?... gosh! think she had called a lot of ppl... " "nahz.. nvm lahz... it's ok lahz.. just that now the whole church is wondering who is huiqing and huiya le..." arrggg.. *shame... hand cover face*"

Guess what had my mum done..? she called up the whole list of numbers in front of the bulletin, from Chris Chia to John Wong..., to find out where were us.. cuz our bus was super late.. we only arrived church at 930 and our phone was flat.. and we didnt ask anyone for a phone to call back and.. we went to eat something.. ok... serve us right..!

A taste of heaven...

2005-06-15T01:46:00.000+08:00

I'd just came back from ARPC church camp at Putrajaya, KL. The 5 days camp was incredibly wonderful.. a great church camp i ever be...! It was really like what Chris Chia had said in the beginning of the camp... this is like a glimpse to heaven.. a taste of honey where God's people gathered together to listen to God's Word, praising God together and enjoyed the fellowship as brothers and sisters in Christ... and well the good foods and lodging in the five-stars Marriot hotel is just some extra perks.

The level of interactions is superd manz.. we can simply sit down at any table during meals and get to know one another.. There seems to have no barrier - everyone is relating with one another in love though we just gotta to know one another. I'm sure that the motivation is from the good understanding of God's word.

Christianity is indeed about relationships - r'ship b/w God and man, man and woman, & man and nature. God created us, human being to be a relational being, and He teaches us, thru His word of how to relate to one another as we are to be. God's word, esp being taught in this camp, made us wise in our everyday living when we relate to ppl.

This camp begun w Philips Jensen giving us a bird-eye view of what's wrong w the humanity and that how foolish is man thinking tt God doesnt exist.. thinking that they can suppress the truth.. thinking that they can live in anyway they like.. little do they know that they are under God's wrath when we live e way that we are not created to be. How foolish are we to live without God, whilst we tried to build some gods on our own to satisfy our need for God... whilst we tried to relate to ppl w our own ways.

[Rom 1:18-23] The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

Joshua Ng is the one who brought us thru the book of Proverbs, teaching us to live in wisdom in our marriage, our work, in our dealing w money.. in all aspect of our lives practically.. Proverbs is a book of a father imparting knowledge to his son so that the son can be wise.

[Proverbs 1:1-7]The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
for attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight;
for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair;
for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young
let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance
for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Chris Chia then rounded up the talks in encouraging us to continue to be wise. Life is about 2 choices - to live in wisdom or to live in foolishness. Wisdom is both a gift and task from God.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding

I learnt a lot.. truly a lot. Now just have to pray that I will be able to live wisely each day whilst facing the hostile world.. especially in relating to ppl. Though fall i may... but trust will be on God forever till the days end.

Stressed...!

2005-06-09T02:20:00.000+08:00

i will be going for the church camp on sat... but i haven't finish the php project... stressed..!! i dun wanna to be seen as being irresponsible again.. i really wanna get my work done.. but why am i so slow..? i hated it..

wondered if grandma is ok.. mi went to see her last night.. felt wasted in a way that i couldnt share christ w her.. i was alone w her.. but my hainanese really cannot make it.. .. and i really dunno how to start.. sad.. hope that nothing will happen to her during the time i go for the camp..

sigh.

A long day...

2005-06-07T03:39:00.000+08:00

Slept late... real late. But wake up early this morning... i was pulled out of bed by my sis to watch dvd w her! Well.. can't blamed her... she is making every effort to talk to me.. to communicate w me.. because for the past few days.. i have not talk to her... i was always home late.. if not.. i was too caught up and stressed up w the php that i give attention to no one.. except to my computer... she meant well.. but i cont'd to be half asleep on the sofa outside...

Then went to meet up w ray and yongjie.. at tye wei's place to talk about n do the proj... i think i work better in team.. it's not that stressful i think..

Sis called to tell me that grandma is hospitalised.. i went on to meet up shao wei for dinner though very much i wanna visit her.. when i receive a call from my mum telling me that grandma is hospitalized.. and that dad and her are visiting her.. i immediately rushed to the hospital..

NUH.. is never a place w good memories.. it always causes me to have mixed feeling.. and sadness.. I always dunno how to react when ppl are hospitalised.. thought of mel.. and cindy.. grandmum.. uncle.. sigh..

I wished and prayed that grandma can be well... that there will not be any clots due to the fall.. that she wouldn't die.. but well.. who dun die.. it's just that i dun wanna her to die without hearing the gospel.. without any hope.. Death is not the end of everything.. bible clearly stated that Christ will come a second time to judge the living and dead.. that those who believe in him shall live in good r'ship w the creator....

But.. how well can i communicate the gospel to her...? i can't even speak hainanese well.. Will i be as brave as tree to ask a hainanese stranger to talk to her..? i dunno.. i wasnt even a good testimony in the family.. will it be enough if i just pray?

Today is a busy day...

2005-06-02T03:21:00.000+08:00

Finally.. the php project had started.. yes we (mi, ray & yongjie) gotta the php tuition proj liaoz, and what awaiting us ahead is the hellish period of programming.. anyway.. we went down to meet the tye wei.. the person-in-charge early in the morning.. where he explained the spec to us..

then ray do his subj registration there.. i do not have to do it anymore.. but well, upon looking at him.. i can still remember the anxious times that i had whilst registering for the last 4 yrs... umm..

Then we went to eat before meeting tree to shop for their gadgets.. long time no see tree.. so much things to say.. so many things in common.. well at least both of us are inactively looking for job..

Finally the thing that i'm looking forward to.. the dinner w xiuli.. miss her so much.. and since it was her bday yesterday, so we met up, tog w ann.. pizza at spizza is good.. but the customer service there.. sigh.. but the tea treat at Essential Brew is fabulous manz.. the ambience is real good and the service is excellent.. we had a wonderful time playing truth or dare.. catching up w one another and drinking tea.. before i went back to school w ann and cont'd our talk till wee hours...

To kill time...

2005-05-30T02:48:00.000+08:00

Play games when I wasn't feeling right... Discovered this game from fasco-cs... unlike its crimson and viridian game which I spent so much time and brain juice to solve them.. this is so funny.. hahaha more fun to play with though it was quite stupid..

我有在成长吗?

2005-05-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

铁磨铁磨出刃来; 朋友相感也如此
痛悲羞骄者勿服忧伤之灵谁晓知?
愚昧呀! 明哲似远懈怠的人难行義
忏悔着恳切哀恕泪淋持待主再归...

Anger...

2005-05-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

I can't control it... so i run away from it, preventing myself from exploding... i do not understand why she kept finding fault with him.. why she just can't love him..? why she kept talk abt money? why she can't see her own fault...?

I dun hate her.. i'm just angry... of myself too.. i dunno what to do...

New Look...

2005-05-24T02:54:00.000+08:00

Tadaa... .. my new blog look... I had done this when I was super pissed of PHP and was taking a break from it... duhz.. .. what a long break manz.. now back to the project..

Learning ...

2005-05-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

Arrgg.. .. aarrrrgggggg.... it's so hard to learn php on my own... i spent the whole afternoon, yesterday, just to get myself to be connected to the database.. then the whole night to do the database and forms... and now i'm stuck..

Went to airport again...

2005-05-19T02:23:00.000+08:00

yup.. went to send some people off today.. It was such a coincidence that both Grace and Charmain are leaving to Europe tonight and that their flights are just 10 mins apart from one another.. Nothing really special... cuz they are just going for 1 month... duhz..
Saw **n... and she told me mel's condition... that she's in NUH now.. lotsa memories really flashed back manz... and.. dunno why.. mel always have the ability to affect my emotions.. maybe i really do care for her.. yet.. there seem to be nothing i can do.. nahz.. i will be okay.