New Look...

Tadaa... .. my new blog look... I had done this when I was super pissed of PHP and was taking a break from it... duhz.. .. what a long break manz.. now back to the project..

Learning ...

Arrgg.. .. aarrrrgggggg.... it's so hard to learn php on my own... i spent the whole afternoon, yesterday, just to get myself to be connected to the database.. then the whole night to do the database and forms... and now i'm stuck..

Went to airport again...

yup.. went to send some people off today.. It was such a coincidence that both Grace and Charmain are leaving to Europe tonight and that their flights are just 10 mins apart from one another.. Nothing really special... cuz they are just going for 1 month... duhz..
Saw **n... and she told me mel's condition... that she's in NUH now.. lotsa memories really flashed back manz... and.. dunno why.. mel always have the ability to affect my emotions.. maybe i really do care for her.. yet.. there seem to be nothing i can do.. nahz.. i will be okay.

Before it's too late...

Finally we had came to the last session of JFN... today's teaching was quite fast, so Wee Seng spent the rest of the time challenging us to think of how we can act wisely... He also shared his regrets which i think is my regret too... that we all had spent too much of our time outside in Christian activities that we did not spend time to talk to our parents..

Now, like what he had shared, i had difficulty communicating with my parents... my conversation w my dad nowadays is less than 10 sentences.. i dun seem to know what to talk to him le... so i always ask him how's his day.. which is the same everyday... Maybe i need to do something to salvage the r'ship.. well.. think i shall start brushing up my Chinese chess during this holiday.. such that even i got nothing to say to him, we can still spend time tog... As for my mum, i think she is easier because she talks a lot.. so just let her talk.. and mi 'listen' loz..

Stranger in the lift...

The person rushed into the lift out of nowhere.. then started asking me questions.. i shouldn't have answered him... i should be more alert.. I should have suspected something when he said he's visiting a fren at this hour of time (going midnight)... now dunno whether he know which unit i stay or not.. so scary.. unable to sleep.. hoped that he is not a stalker and that i am too sensitive...

I was too inconfident...

After 4 years of computer engineering, i'm still not confident of working for people... My first job offered to do a 3 months project in NUS was blown off because i was overwhelmed by the allowance given... it can round up to 10k for 3 months... the money is so big and the project sounded difficult.. hence i was really afraid that i can't do it, even with help... In the end.. i lost it.. I felt so disappointed thereafter and started to wonder if I can ever find a job or not.. what kind of work can i do..?

Telling gospel in Chinese...

Arg... how come i can't present the gospel well in Chinese when i'm a Chinese...? I was so disappointed of myself.. really feel that i can do it better.. It was such a rare chance that i could talk to my tuition's kid's mum today and our conversation actually opened up a chance for me to share the gospel... But Chinese sentences just didn't formed well in my brain to describe the good news...

nahz.. so i'd only manage to drive thru the point that all of us is sinful, and only God can forgive.. dunno she understand or not.. she always told me that Christianity is good and wanted her child to go to church but she cannot believe in Christ because if so, no one will worship their ancestors.. well.. i'd continue to pray for her..

Happy Mother's Day...

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Sis insisted me to take a picture of myself with the dish i'd done for mum for mother's day... well.. since i wasn't a cook by nature.. and this fish dish was really tedious.. so felt really good when all who ate complimented..

Yes.. All is really over now...

I was so nervous for my presentation this morning, that as i walked into the tutorial room, i chased out the two guys in the tutorial rm... think one of them was annoyed by my this behavior.. haiz...

nevertheless the presentation went alright.. i wasn't fully prepared.. and i think the examiners knew that too.. now just hope that i can pass lahz...

So, when everything is over.. i went to treat myself some fish and chips in the new cafe in NTU BSci block... it was quite good.. happy!

Brought my camera then.. thinking of taking pics with my supervisor.. but forgot after the presentation.. so mi and a** and yongjie went around the school to take pics.. hahaha.. though it's kinda stupid.. but duhz.. it's fun.. really fun...

Exams are over... for good...

Yipppeee...... Exams are over.... completely over... hope that i will not have take anymore exams in the near future.. I was so excited, or rather so 'gan choi' and stressed, that i can't sleep the last night.. i was awaked throughout the night... and then relied on vitamins, chicken essence and plenty of coffee to keep me awake... now that my exams are over, i wished to sleep.. but i can't cuz i haven't prepare for my FYP presentation yet which is tomorrow's morning... nahz.. but the stress can't keep me awake.. slept in the library while doing the slides.. zzz.. thanks to Yongjie.. for waking me up.. and discipline me to finish the slides.. before we headed down to the airport...

Yes.. airport... to send Minna off.. i am going to miss u Minna...

gotta quite high.. maybe due to insufficient rest plus overdose of caffeine in my body.. also because i was hanging out the usual groups of comfortable friends that i loved to be with.. so crapped a lot... how i wish life is so carefree everyday.. no stress but rest and play.. and hanging around w friends...

did i say no stresss...? oh no.. wake up gal..! gotta presentation tomolo morning ehz.. #$!&@.. =S

Last Examinations Paper...

Tomorrow I am going to take the last paper of my entire education life.. 恐怖的vision... (Computer Vision)... and that will mark the end of my 16 years of studying...

Ahh.. 好恐怖啊! sob.. i haven't finish studying yet.

Former-president Wee pass away...

Heard the news this evening... that our former-Prez Wee Kim Wee passed away this morning... the news made a special report on the bibliography of this dead person... and that was then I think he was quite a remarkable leader.. humble and sincere... He had a poverty-stricken childhood then started work at the age of 15 as a clerk, then, like Chris Chia, a journalist in Strait Times... then a diplomat before becoming our President in 1985. But what really caught me by surprise is that he was a God fearing leader... though i do not know if he believe in Jesus or not; but he did said this phrase in great humility.. "In the eyes of God, all man is the same.. if you take away the title of president from me, i am not different from the taxi driver..."

It was during the news report.. that i also realised that I know little of the leaders of Singapore.. though i lived in S'pore for more than 20 years... and i'd never prayed for them or thanks God for them... I was quite ashamed to have taken the peace and freedom in Singapore for granted without recognising that it was God who allows it... but who had recognised it?

Yes.. in the eyes of God, all man is the same because all man had sinned against God... and all man needs Jesus.

What had happened to me..?

I had tried to play fighting games... eat Mac Donald's .. and now I'm blasting my ears with music that i dun understand.. but how come i'm still so frustrated...unhappy..? Probably I didn't have enough sleep... probably it's my lousy economics paper that make day so lousy... probably it's FYP... probably i'm stressed... probably it's because i hate guessing... probably i hate making choices... probably i just hate the huiqing that dunno how to think correctly... hate the huiqing that uncontrollablly vent the frustration on close frens around me... or probably i am still a sinner...

Headache... probably what i need is a good night rest.. or a good cry... no.. probably what i need is that Christ can come back soon.

Working woman...

This evening i went to my tuition kid's house to.. of course give tuition lahz.. ya... despite in the midst of exam... After drilling her for 2 hours.. i sat down to talk to her.. giving her some feedbacks regarding her learning and some advice on how to prepare for her exams. Before long, her mum came back from her work; and sat with us then.. so i went on to ask her mum to get some multi-vitamins for her, since i understand that vitamin B helps to boost brainwork and vitamin C helps in coping stress and boosting immunity system. I wondered why her mum can just go out of context.. and start to speak ill of her daughter.. telling me that she is very stubborn.. and that she has poor memoery because she has sin...??? always talk non stop over the phone.. blah blah and blah...

The poor gal started to cried.. and i gotta a bit angry with the mum.. why she must she embarassed her child in front of an outsider like that... especially to someone that she respect..? i understand exactly how e gal feel.. because my mum is also like that.. my mum would go around telling my relatives and neigbours how lazy i was.. how late i always go home.. and then these relatives would all come up to me to either "suan" me or scold me..

I tried to comfort her.. and also assured her mum that her daughter is a lot better than others who are going thru their teen years too.. i was worse when in secondary sch. Then uncontrollably, .. her mum shouted across the table "stupid" at her.. and that's it.. i really cannot stand the mum liaoz.. "Oh auntie, you'd been back home for quite some time le... =) think you better go and wash up and take a rest ba.. think u r very tired too.." I tried to get the mum to leave us alone as gentle as i could... so that i can console her...

i know she hated her mum... i used to dislike my mum too but i dun hate her as much as she did becuz my mum, unlike hers, dun dare to hit me... she said she treat her as singing when she's talking... i understand that perfectly too because me and sis also did that.. But when i begin to understand the bible.. i began to see and understand that we are all sinful... that we all did not relate to God rightly, hence we cannot relate to one another rightly... we can't love... we can't be others-centered simply becuz we are lovers of ourselves...

I told her that and i told her to be understanding to her mum because she is a working mum. Not just to understand that she has a very tough life outside.. but to really understand that we all have a problem of us rejecting God... and not relating to God rightly. God made woman to help man.. not to have her taking up the role of man.. Working in the field is not the role of woman (or rather not the main role because she is to help).. and having ruling power is not the role of woman.. they are the roles of man. Rather, child bearing(Gen3) is the role of woman.. watching over the affairs of the household (Prov31) is the role of woman...

Both her mum and my mum have not know God.. they'd lived not according to what God had created woman to be.. therefore there's a broken vertical r'ship w God and hence a broken horizonal r'ship b/w them and their husbands.. and children. Working woman, is like using a spoon to eat noodle, it's frustrating, they faced more stress than working man, because they are working against their nature.. hope that you wouldn't get me wrong.. i am not saying that woman shall not work at all... if u read Prov31, u'll realised that she also make linen to sell.. this is what i mean of helping the man work in the field.. but that's not e main role.. and the whole Prov31 portrary the main role of woman as taking care of her household. So when all the energy and focus and desire is to earn lotsa money or prestige... it becomes frustrating for both the woman and the ppl ard her.

Understanding the gospel allows me to understand what being a human being is all about.. it motivated me to forgive.. and love.. love her much enough to share the gospel with her so that she can be saved. I ask the teen to forgive.. she shakes her head... I know that she wouldnt be able to forgive now.. but hopefully and prayfully i wish that she can know Christ... and be able to learn to forgive...

Robotics paper...

Today is the first paper of the final year's examination... a mixture of feelings.. though mostly anxiety.. =S

Ai Lin leads JYN today...

This is the first time i see Ailin leading a bible study... I was looking forward though... to see and therefore learn from her (a lady) of how to learn lead a study... mi haven't really seen a woman, except for ***, leading a study yet... but erm.. well think Wee Seng is still clearer in explanation and better in controlling the flow of the study.. nonetheless, despite some hiccups initially, the message was still faithfully taught through her... just hope that God would enable the people to understand the message and hence be challenged by it le...

Movie in the midst of exams...

gotta some free tickets from my aunt.. .. so mi and sis went watch movie with her and her daughter lorz.. This was quite a rare experience for me... this is the first time i went for a movie when i'm going to have my first paper on the day after tomorrow... and more rare is that i went to watch the movie with my cousin.. and auntie.. ( well i am not close to this auntie and cousin at all...) But well... this show was still quite a nice show.. nicole kidman looks good =)

think that i really cannot watch movie whilst knowing that i'm having a final paper soon... i just can't totally relax myself and allow myself to enjoy the movie.. the movie is interesting.. but i am just too occupied in my mind.. =S..
anyway i did have a good break lahz..

ahzz.. i saw this big poster on my way out after the show... the title really caught my attention manz.. especially when i had been thinking about the KOH these few days.. nahz.. but i think this movie will portray a different KOH rather than the second coming of Christ... nevertheless.. still think that this will be a good show.. from the director of gladiator eh... i love that show.. so this KOH show would not be that bad right... hint hint... =p

Baptised..?

Today is the first time i witness baptism in ARPC.. Chris Chia had explained baptism well during the service that my sister really understand the meaning of baptism.. As i sit through however.. my mind is thinking of when shall i be baptised...? i used to decide to get baptised when i reached 21 so that i can dun need my parent's permission.. but then this backed off... now.. another question also raise up which is where shall i get baptised - SJSM or ARPC...? then looking back at these questions in my head... i started to wonder if i understand baptism or not..? If i see water baptism as an outward expression to the people that i am a Christ-follower.. do i need to be baptised when everyday to me is an outward expression to the people that i'm a stranger to the world..that i am a Christ-follower? Maybe i shall go through baptism with my sis .. or dun get baptised at all......?

haiz... sorry ahz.. those are just all the messy thoughts in my brain during that short 30 mins... anyway the sermon later is good and clear, with a great analogy in the end to bang in the idea that we loved someone whom we do not see because that is real thing.. more real that the things we do by sight... well i guess i dun really summarise well.. but if you wanna listen to this sermon.. pls go ahead.. =)

last project...

well.. finally i'm done with the last project of the week before i settle down to study for my exams... =s have to and had completed 3 projects in this week... hence am a bit tired now..
good that this robotics lab is not that tough.. oh.. and this is the first time working a project with yongjie.. now that realised that he is quite a perfectionist in school work too.. =p

studied with A** ( she told me not to keep mentioning her name in my blog) later in NIE.. picked up a few stones on the way... for me to play while i was bored while studying... for her to draw onto later to express her artistic side... if she has... =p

arrrgg.. anyway... this is what i like about school... where we have the lotsa time to do stupid things... =p heez.. nahz..! think i gonna miss the time in school manz...

last BS of the semster = my last BS in NTU..??

Time really really fly... today is the last CG's bible study of this semster.. not much emotions then.. but now as i write... i started to long... begun to miss.. begun to wonder if i will still come back to NTU for BS or not... Always, I know, in my heart, I want.. and I think I will still come back... maybe that's why i didn't feel anything then during the last BS...

reasons of coming back..? To continue the learning and teaching of the Word with and to the people in NTU... even without CF or a status in NTU..

Now.. I am kinda firm... prayed that the job i find may not take up too much of my time and energy in the future...