Sick... my nose is running...

This is the first flu virus attack this year... feeling miserable now...

What so good about Good Friday..?

Today is my sister's 21st birthday.. and also Good Friday.. and we held a party at parc vista... invited all her close friends to have free fun and food... but most importantly, the free gift of living water - the salvation.

Before the party, I am very excited.. really excited...
After the party, I am very glad.. really glad...

I'm excited because there are 30 odd non-Christians to hear the message... and I'm glad that these ppl actually listen attentively to Wee Seng as he gave the message.. there is no much movement and no disruptions at all.. I'm glad that Wee Seng's had delievered the message so well and faithful that some of the people there had actually started thinking.. in fact Wenfeng had even started asking questions. I'm glad because I know that God is at work in the back scene... he is merciful to save..

i'm so impressed by wee seng.. he can really catch the people's attention... and his message is short.. but impactful.. not dry.. with a bit of humor.. Most importantly, i feel that the message is faithful to the gospel. Hence, i decide to do a short write out of his message.

So what's good about Good Friday? this is the title...

- some of us here may know what is Good Friday about.. it about a death of a person known as Jesus Christ. If some had watched the 'Passion of Christ', you will know that the death of this Jesus is not something good.
- Jesus was being crucified. You may not know.. but the process of crucification is an extreme of pain and shame - a criminal to be crucified will be flogged first.. scorned by the soldiers, then they had to carried the cross and parade the town, stuck naked, to be humiliated by all ppl.
- On reaching the execution ground, the criminal will be nailed to the cross.. at the wrists and the ankles... where the joints are. This is immense pain and agony, because being nailed in this way, every breath that the person take, the whole body will be in intense pain... and this will continue until the person's lung collapse and he was suffocated to death.
- The death of Jesus, an innocent man, is of such pain and shame... surely this is not good.. that why is good friday good?
- Good friday is good because of the reason Jesus died. (1) Jesus died for our sins (2) Jesus died so that we can relate to God.

(1) Jesus died for our sins.
- I had no doubt that all of you here are very lovely ppl... if i ask you to write down 20 names of the ppl u loved, u will have no problem... " how can i be a sinner?"
- Sinner is not one that is always capable of doing bad, and not be able to do good at all.. Rather sinner is one that cannot do good all the time..
- yes.. u loved.. but u hated too... some u may even wish that u had the guts to kill.. Bible states that we all sinned, and that God's wrath is upon us.
- in the eye of God, there is no diff btw small sins and big sins.. just like in facing the tsunami, there is no diff btw a good swimer and bad swimer... All died.
- Hence, Jesus's death on the cross is to pay the price of our sins - death.

(2) Jesus died so that we can relate to God
- imagine a child who is well versed in all areas of his studies, good in all kinds of sport, and is a boy well-liked by all ppl. But when he came home... he talks nothing to his mum and dad at all... he treated them invisible.. disregard their existence... What kind of child is he?
- well we are like him... we had disregarded the existence of the God that had created us... that had provided us the land and plants and animails and water... we had treated him invisible... This is not the right r'ship w God!
- Jesus died so that we can have a right r'ship w God.. so that we may know his love... and be thankful for him...

I wanna to be wiser...

i went to my Milton's (my cousin) house to stay last night so that i can test my project over his IPv6 network... and well... =) I managed to get it working before midnight... so we spent the rest of the night talking..

It was through the chit-chatting that i realised that i do not know a lot of things... compared to him.. i am like one flower that was well taken care of in an incubator.. never had faced any difficulties in life.. weak and 'girl'... whine a lot in a little stress... cried a lot upon a slight fall...

Worse.. i do not know what i want... i wish i know.. but i really can't decide... i do not know what kind of job i would like to have.. i do not know what am i capable of... i just know that i do not know a lot of things... and i wish i can be wiser.. in knowledge and of life.. and God.

My mind can't think the way he think.. my mind can't think the way Charmain's thinks.. my mind can't think the way Yong jie's think.. my mind can't think the way ann's think.. so how my mind thinks...? right now.. i'm really not very sure.. what i'm thinking now is FYP... robotics lab.. com vision lab... and the Book of Mark... and.. ........ ..

sigh.. i wish i can be wiser... i wish i can think more ... and am more confident in doing things that the mind think...

Around the Round table...

went to my uncle's funeral this evening... it was quite funny to sit around and talk to the different elderlys there... Thanks God that Milton was there.. he could God-talk better than me...
I can speak of anything but God to them..

It is funny to see the different thinking of the older generation ppl:
- mum said that she is a free thinker.. when she actually prayed and believed in the whatsoever buddha...
- dad is a worshipper of money..
- auntie said that she became open-minded after touring around the world... when actually she still can't accept Christians..
- another auntie (whom i dunno) believe strongly that the fate is in our hands..
- the above auntie's husband was impressed with what he had and has... kept telling us his glorious past and his wonderful son-in-law because he wanted us to be impressed too...
- Milton was there to point out the problem in their thinking subtly... He also pointed out that the Chinese during the early dynasty actually worship one God... and that Chinese was from the line of Japheth (Noah's son)... i dunno whether is that true or not.. i just listen lorz..

Though, the gospel is only being subtly mentioned... and though the whole conversation is quite post-modernised... I still really hope that it will challenge some of their thoughts... and that God may have mercy on them..

.. how i wish i can know how to speak of Christ without so much considerations...

Devastating news do not come alone...

Yesterday... i received news that my friend committed sucide... (look at yesterday's entry)
today.. another of my friend is admitted to hospital due to depression..
And my uncle passed away... when i had intended to visit him tomorrow...

I am devastated...

Death is not the end of everything....

well, there are times when we are in such a bad state that we wished that we can die... i wished I can be dead during the last few weeks, when i was stressing over my report and quiz, because i see that the living is not for Christ... it's for myself.. my own grades! but that's just a thought... a sin...

I gained comfort from the Word of God then... to be reminded that my sins are forgiven though Christ, and most importantly, we have the hope... that the pain and suffering now will not compare to the glory then we will all share. It motivated me to go on... struggling with sins... living for Christ...

I had struggled through the sea of stress while preparing for the report though I was very shacked due to the lack of sleep.. finally, I did my quiz this morning and handed up the report in the afternoon. I shall be happy.. and indeed i was relieved for a while.. Yes.. only for a while until later i met Ann..

Ann told me a devastating news... a friend of ours had just committed suicide..

i do not know that friend well... even i do.. i dunno how to respond... in my mind.. i was praying that God could have mercy for this "Christian"... then I do not know what to do and say...

Ann asked me if she will be saved... i told her that it's all depend on God.. However, both of us knew that if one truly understand the gospel... one will not murder him/herself.. it is sin.. the same sin as i had.. you may have... but ours are in thoughts, hers in action.. there is no difference.. God hates sin.. but we can do nothing about it on our own.. so the only solution is to believe in the solution God provided - Jesus.. cling tightly to the message of the cross in this fallen world.

we will be imperfect.. we will never be perfect in this fallen world.. we can't please God on our own.. we can't think that we can glorify God through the things we do. But people... even Christians (worse!)... demanded us to "perform"... to be able to score good grades.. to be able to evangelise... to be able to live a victorious now as a Christian.. Bullshit! if we can live victorious now without sins.. what is the hope for..? Christians are taking away the hope away from Christians...

i do not know the cause of her sucide... but i know that it could be due to depression. Depression always happened when the person thinks too negative about him/herself... so negative that s/he wished to not exist. Dear Christians... stop looking at yourself.. trying to fulfill this and that.. set your mind on the Kingdom of God.. be reminded from the Word of God that there are constant sufferings in body and in mind.. we struggle with our imperfections.. our sins everyday.. but do not look at yourself.. look back to the cross to see that your sins are forgiven.. and look forward to the return of Christ when sin will have no power over us at all.

So struggle with sin.. not to pay the penalty of sin on your own.. you dun have enough "ability" to pay for the sin's penalty... because our physcial death is not the end of everthing.. judgement is.. We who stand firm in Christ will be declared innocent.

Have a break...

Finally, after a week of burning of midnight oil.. drinking cups of coffee.. and popping in of vitamin pills... i had came out with the first draft of the final year report... well but there is still many many rooms for improvement... but i decided to take a break for a while...

went to look for ann then... she sounded sick over the phone so my whole afternoon break was spent with her in the medical center.. thought that i can take a break from my stress though... nahz... taking care of ppl also stressed me out ( i think i dunno how to take care of ppl maz)... Anyway i gotta myself a bottle of EverVon C (energy to cope with stress) at the Medicial Center... hahhha.. i think it's help a bit.

I am stressed...

... very stressed... because it is Thursday again...

Words can express my feeling now...

Another chinese piece from me...
try to look up the dictionary if you dun understand... =P

有多少事。。 有多少时。。？
以秤衡量才知那多少事。。那多少时。。
那有多少的事。。 却只有多少的时。。
压迫着我那多愁善感的心。。

心。。 有多么的沉重。。
思。。 有多么的零乱。。
魄。。 有多么的微弱。。
志。。 有多么的懦小。。

但咎。。 如狼似虎着。。

怕那多少的事，多少的时 使我苟延残喘
怕那沉重的心，微弱的魄 使我妄自菲薄
怕那零乱的思，懦小的志 使我裹足不前

惧。。那多少的事，多少的时 弄得我惶惶不可终日

但希望。。
惟有那希望。。 也只为那希望。。 我披荆斩棘着。。

FYP...

I cheated my supervisor in a way.. I can't solve the problem at all.. but I was so afraid of her.. so afraid i shivered in the lab (probably it's cold in the lab)... so afraid that I teared in desperation, so afraid that I decide to hid the problem and tell her that I had solve it... What a wretched person I am!

Can't explain...

I really can't find anything to explain why am i feeling this way.. why don't I feel right to attend the Corporate Meeting today?

Nevertheless, I am happy.. really happy to see Theresa..! Welcome home tree!

Thereafter, have a short dinner with Michelle and Grace.. Guof and Shaun and Phillips before mi and yongjie went off to find ann. It was then I see the difference between the two...

Single or Attached (Married)...

Met up with YongJie and Ann for a while during my break to talk and discuss about the yesterday's PRC event. The discussion slowly drifted to BGR since today is valentine's day. I realised that my thoughts about valentine's day had became different from the past years; this could due to the fact that I'd began to understand the kingdom's purpose of being single or married. That is be it singleness or married, the purpose is to be able to live as a kingdom's citizen - blameless and holy.

Hence, in 1 Cor 7, Paul mentioned that it is better to stay single, like him, because the singles would be concerned about the Lord's affair, be able to devote to the Lord in both body and spirit. But if, the singles cannot control themselves, in the face of temptation ( be it lust or romance), they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn in passion; so that as married ppl, they can be blameless and holy before the Lord.

Despite the very clear words in the bible, Christians are still hoping for the right 'one' so that they can serve God together; I was once too, hoping for romance... then struggle to reason it myself to whether I'm gifted to be single or not...

But the struggle kinda subside, for me, after the Ministry Matter.. after I heard this short sharing from John Chapman, a 75 yr old single evangelist...

He was asked when did he decide to be single. And his answer is simple : "I'd never decide to be single. I just didn't think about it..."

This taught me a lot and really geared my thinking! Why do i spend so much time and effort to think for MYself..? ... then gotta myself caught up in self-pity.. then self-encouragement...!

Being a person saved into the kingdom of God, I should be able to say the same thing too, that I just didn't think abt BGR because my whole mind is filled w the Lord's affairs.. the kingdom issues.. of how to devote myself to the Lord wholly.

As for whether to married or stay single... why decide now? When it comes a man that cause you to fall into great temptation and drawing ur devotion from Lord, you will know that you need to get marry, for it is better to be married than to burn in passion. So why spend time struggling and deciding your martial status now, when the time can be more wisely used to struggle for some other thing?

Well... i guess, for me, spending this day with my fellow brothers and sisters is the best thus far.. because they will not ask me of when am i getting a boyfriend, rather, they had encouraged me to consider Christ...

The Chinese New Year Gathering for PRCs...

I was so excited for this event that i can't sleep the last night. In my mind, many thoughts raced through.. I was praying that gospel message can be clearly presented to them.. and that God can be merciful to them by opening their ears so that they can hear and understand. I knew that it is very hard for the PRCs to respond to God, especially those who had made up their mind, before coming, that they would not want to be a christian, yet I wanted to trust Him who is sovereign and powerful that He will save them in His time. At the same time, I'd pushing myself to plan and write out the games for today.. well if u dunno.. i'm not really a planner.. hence it's quite a chore to me.

But well.. today went fine, i think. There were around 25 of them with us, and they were really opened and friendly towards us, even after knowing our motive of bringing them to a church. Once everyone was gathered @ ARPC, we started the games.. the games went well too, i can see that everyone had had fun. After that was the sing song sessions... the chinese songs were so nice that some PRCs also joined in the singing. Thereafter, was a long sharing from a fellow PRC christian.. i will emphasize again... it was very long... so long that i felt that Pastor Boon Yong had to cut short his message to compensate the time. I felt that the resurrection and the return of Christ was hasty mentioned. Nevertheless, the idea of sin and our relationship with God is well explained, hence now can only hope that the people can really think about it... and respond according.

Chinese New Year Day 2..

planned to do my FYP today... but well.. as usual i am not motivated enough to do it.. so i surf the net... looking for some nice template for this blog.. yes.. i am thinking of changing the blog's outlook.. hope to make it more personalised.. and more かわいい (kawaii) ねえ！
nahz... anyway... it's a fruitless attempt, as you can see, because i am too indecisive... found some nice blog template that i like.. but well can't decide between them.. so i decided to leave it till the next holiday... which is coming soon!

Chinese New Year...

well.. Chinese New Year is always quite boring.. probably is because you are going out with your parents and not your friends.. or simply because you gotta nothing to do at the house of those relatives that you only meet once or twice in a year... Well for me, is the latter...

I can't talk much with people that I wasn't really close.. really.. ok ok i can be very friendly and talk a lot with the people that I'm really closed, but i can't when the person dun respond to me... Well.. that's the reason, preharps, i'm bored during Chinese New Year house visitaiton... because some of my cousins just 不睬 me despite i try to ask them question to get them to talk...

Well... I guess that when people said that the hong bao is the motivation for them to go house visitation... as for me again.. hong bao is definitely not the movation... cuz it's miserable.. whereas i guess Christ is now.. getting to know them better.. talked to them though it's boring... and hopefully there is a chance to share the good news of Jesus Christ...

Bye Sixian...

Sixian is flying off to Australia on Friday... so I'd manage to book a time to meet her last minute yesterday. I am actually quite worried that she thought I gotta some conflicts with the cell, or something had happened to me... because I had not been seeing her ever since she came back..

Well, it turned out quite ok when we met.. hahaha.. we started off with apologising with one another before sitting there for hours to talk. To my dismay, then I realised that the place she is going is not Melbourne but Perth, cuz I had been asking people of which churches is faithful in Melbourne... so, just FYI, I found that Peter Adam's church - St Jude's Anglican Church, Carlton, is a good place to grow and mature in Christ, and it is near the University of Melbourne.

She is really a dear friend to me.. a sister of mine.. and she is one that I really hope she can grow strong and firm in the Lord, our God... and be in partnership with me in helping SJSM... Well now she is going off.. i really pray that she can get a good church there and grow well..

New Look...

That's really a big problem for me now... I have to adapt to my flattened hair... Arg!

Yup yup... I had just rebonded my hair yesterday.. being 心血来潮. And the total cost is 98 dollars plus 5 hours of opportunity cost and some external cost incurred. Actually, it's not that bad lahz.. at least my sis said that it's nice... hahah... though i find that i look quite werid. This is probably because I had less flat hair friends than her, she said, that's why i am not used to that look... well.. be it what... I cannot be washing my hair for 2 dayz... Duhz!

Ministry Matters...

This is the first time I'd gone for such an expensive conference... but I would say that it is worth it.. ! Sound teaching from the bible, good biblical guidances to ministry, engaging pastors, like-minded brothers and sisters and wonderful food... what's more to ask for..?

I had learnt and reminded of many things.. and am clearer of how to make decisions after my gradation.. Now, what's still remained to baffle is the struggle between the mind thingy and the flesh thingy. And to bring what I had learnt into actions.

Fly Kite @ the last minute again...

Well... that's me.. the indecisive weez9al.. I had planned to go for the Evening Expostions which begin on today till thursday.. but backed out at the very last minutes when we are at the Raffles Place interchange... I was in a dilenma then... cuz the next day I had to lead a bible study with the Renita and Clara, and i wasn't prepared yet... and I wanted to listen to the expostions.. Finally i made the decision to fly kite and go home to prepare...

水灾...

This night is the first time I'd ever screamed so loud in a school canteen... a whole full cup of Ribena is being poured onto me... a whole cup mind you. Naturally, it's my instinct for me to screamed, and that caught the attention of everyone in the canteen, cuz I really shriek.. dreadfully...

It's so sick...! the Ribena is so sweet... and sticky.. and it's red... just hope that it will not stain my pants now.. What a way to end the last day of January...!

Well a few ppl to thank for helping me while I'm in the soup.. (ya, while i am soaking). They are Charmain.. for lending me a pair of pant to change. Alex... for driving me to char's hall (though it's wrong) and the 2 Yongjies.. one for lending me his windbreaker to cover up my soaking pants, while the other help to carry me bag...