Sick... my nose is running...

This is the first flu virus attack this year... feeling miserable now...

What so good about Good Friday..?

Today is my sister's 21st birthday.. and also Good Friday.. and we held a party at parc vista... invited all her close friends to have free fun and food... but most importantly, the free gift of living water - the salvation.

Before the party, I am very excited.. really excited...
After the party, I am very glad.. really glad...

I'm excited because there are 30 odd non-Christians to hear the message... and I'm glad that these ppl actually listen attentively to Wee Seng as he gave the message.. there is no much movement and no disruptions at all.. I'm glad that Wee Seng's had delievered the message so well and faithful that some of the people there had actually started thinking.. in fact Wenfeng had even started asking questions. I'm glad because I know that God is at work in the back scene... he is merciful to save..

i'm so impressed by wee seng.. he can really catch the people's attention... and his message is short.. but impactful.. not dry.. with a bit of humor.. Most importantly, i feel that the message is faithful to the gospel. Hence, i decide to do a short write out of his message.

So what's good about Good Friday? this is the title...

- some of us here may know what is Good Friday about.. it about a death of a person known as Jesus Christ. If some had watched the 'Passion of Christ', you will know that the death of this Jesus is not something good.
- Jesus was being crucified. You may not know.. but the process of crucification is an extreme of pain and shame - a criminal to be crucified will be flogged first.. scorned by the soldiers, then they had to carried the cross and parade the town, stuck naked, to be humiliated by all ppl.
- On reaching the execution ground, the criminal will be nailed to the cross.. at the wrists and the ankles... where the joints are. This is immense pain and agony, because being nailed in this way, every breath that the person take, the whole body will be in intense pain... and this will continue until the person's lung collapse and he was suffocated to death.
- The death of Jesus, an innocent man, is of such pain and shame... surely this is not good.. that why is good friday good?
- Good friday is good because of the reason Jesus died. (1) Jesus died for our sins (2) Jesus died so that we can relate to God.

(1) Jesus died for our sins.
- I had no doubt that all of you here are very lovely ppl... if i ask you to write down 20 names of the ppl u loved, u will have no problem... " how can i be a sinner?"
- Sinner is not one that is always capable of doing bad, and not be able to do good at all.. Rather sinner is one that cannot do good all the time..
- yes.. u loved.. but u hated too... some u may even wish that u had the guts to kill.. Bible states that we all sinned, and that God's wrath is upon us.
- in the eye of God, there is no diff btw small sins and big sins.. just like in facing the tsunami, there is no diff btw a good swimer and bad swimer... All died.
- Hence, Jesus's death on the cross is to pay the price of our sins - death.

(2) Jesus died so that we can relate to God
- imagine a child who is well versed in all areas of his studies, good in all kinds of sport, and is a boy well-liked by all ppl. But when he came home... he talks nothing to his mum and dad at all... he treated them invisible.. disregard their existence... What kind of child is he?
- well we are like him... we had disregarded the existence of the God that had created us... that had provided us the land and plants and animails and water... we had treated him invisible... This is not the right r'ship w God!
- Jesus died so that we can have a right r'ship w God.. so that we may know his love... and be thankful for him...

I wanna to be wiser...

i went to my Milton's (my cousin) house to stay last night so that i can test my project over his IPv6 network... and well... =) I managed to get it working before midnight... so we spent the rest of the night talking..

It was through the chit-chatting that i realised that i do not know a lot of things... compared to him.. i am like one flower that was well taken care of in an incubator.. never had faced any difficulties in life.. weak and 'girl'... whine a lot in a little stress... cried a lot upon a slight fall...

Worse.. i do not know what i want... i wish i know.. but i really can't decide... i do not know what kind of job i would like to have.. i do not know what am i capable of... i just know that i do not know a lot of things... and i wish i can be wiser.. in knowledge and of life.. and God.

My mind can't think the way he think.. my mind can't think the way Charmain's thinks.. my mind can't think the way Yong jie's think.. my mind can't think the way ann's think.. so how my mind thinks...? right now.. i'm really not very sure.. what i'm thinking now is FYP... robotics lab.. com vision lab... and the Book of Mark... and.. ........ ..

sigh.. i wish i can be wiser... i wish i can think more ... and am more confident in doing things that the mind think...

Around the Round table...

went to my uncle's funeral this evening... it was quite funny to sit around and talk to the different elderlys there... Thanks God that Milton was there.. he could God-talk better than me...
I can speak of anything but God to them..

It is funny to see the different thinking of the older generation ppl:
- mum said that she is a free thinker.. when she actually prayed and believed in the whatsoever buddha...
- dad is a worshipper of money..
- auntie said that she became open-minded after touring around the world... when actually she still can't accept Christians..
- another auntie (whom i dunno) believe strongly that the fate is in our hands..
- the above auntie's husband was impressed with what he had and has... kept telling us his glorious past and his wonderful son-in-law because he wanted us to be impressed too...
- Milton was there to point out the problem in their thinking subtly... He also pointed out that the Chinese during the early dynasty actually worship one God... and that Chinese was from the line of Japheth (Noah's son)... i dunno whether is that true or not.. i just listen lorz..

Though, the gospel is only being subtly mentioned... and though the whole conversation is quite post-modernised... I still really hope that it will challenge some of their thoughts... and that God may have mercy on them..

.. how i wish i can know how to speak of Christ without so much considerations...

Devastating news do not come alone...

Yesterday... i received news that my friend committed sucide... (look at yesterday's entry)
today.. another of my friend is admitted to hospital due to depression..
And my uncle passed away... when i had intended to visit him tomorrow...

I am devastated...

Death is not the end of everything....

well, there are times when we are in such a bad state that we wished that we can die... i wished I can be dead during the last few weeks, when i was stressing over my report and quiz, because i see that the living is not for Christ... it's for myself.. my own grades! but that's just a thought... a sin...

I gained comfort from the Word of God then... to be reminded that my sins are forgiven though Christ, and most importantly, we have the hope... that the pain and suffering now will not compare to the glory then we will all share. It motivated me to go on... struggling with sins... living for Christ...

I had struggled through the sea of stress while preparing for the report though I was very shacked due to the lack of sleep.. finally, I did my quiz this morning and handed up the report in the afternoon. I shall be happy.. and indeed i was relieved for a while.. Yes.. only for a while until later i met Ann..

Ann told me a devastating news... a friend of ours had just committed suicide..

i do not know that friend well... even i do.. i dunno how to respond... in my mind.. i was praying that God could have mercy for this "Christian"... then I do not know what to do and say...

Ann asked me if she will be saved... i told her that it's all depend on God.. However, both of us knew that if one truly understand the gospel... one will not murder him/herself.. it is sin.. the same sin as i had.. you may have... but ours are in thoughts, hers in action.. there is no difference.. God hates sin.. but we can do nothing about it on our own.. so the only solution is to believe in the solution God provided - Jesus.. cling tightly to the message of the cross in this fallen world.

we will be imperfect.. we will never be perfect in this fallen world.. we can't please God on our own.. we can't think that we can glorify God through the things we do. But people... even Christians (worse!)... demanded us to "perform"... to be able to score good grades.. to be able to evangelise... to be able to live a victorious now as a Christian.. Bullshit! if we can live victorious now without sins.. what is the hope for..? Christians are taking away the hope away from Christians...

i do not know the cause of her sucide... but i know that it could be due to depression. Depression always happened when the person thinks too negative about him/herself... so negative that s/he wished to not exist. Dear Christians... stop looking at yourself.. trying to fulfill this and that.. set your mind on the Kingdom of God.. be reminded from the Word of God that there are constant sufferings in body and in mind.. we struggle with our imperfections.. our sins everyday.. but do not look at yourself.. look back to the cross to see that your sins are forgiven.. and look forward to the return of Christ when sin will have no power over us at all.

So struggle with sin.. not to pay the penalty of sin on your own.. you dun have enough "ability" to pay for the sin's penalty... because our physcial death is not the end of everthing.. judgement is.. We who stand firm in Christ will be declared innocent.

Have a break...

Finally, after a week of burning of midnight oil.. drinking cups of coffee.. and popping in of vitamin pills... i had came out with the first draft of the final year report... well but there is still many many rooms for improvement... but i decided to take a break for a while...

went to look for ann then... she sounded sick over the phone so my whole afternoon break was spent with her in the medical center.. thought that i can take a break from my stress though... nahz... taking care of ppl also stressed me out ( i think i dunno how to take care of ppl maz)... Anyway i gotta myself a bottle of EverVon C (energy to cope with stress) at the Medicial Center... hahhha.. i think it's help a bit.