Death is not the end of everything....

well, there are times when we are in such a bad state that we wished that we can die... i wished I can be dead during the last few weeks, when i was stressing over my report and quiz, because i see that the living is not for Christ... it's for myself.. my own grades! but that's just a thought... a sin...

I gained comfort from the Word of God then... to be reminded that my sins are forgiven though Christ, and most importantly, we have the hope... that the pain and suffering now will not compare to the glory then we will all share. It motivated me to go on... struggling with sins... living for Christ...

I had struggled through the sea of stress while preparing for the report though I was very shacked due to the lack of sleep.. finally, I did my quiz this morning and handed up the report in the afternoon. I shall be happy.. and indeed i was relieved for a while.. Yes.. only for a while until later i met Ann..

Ann told me a devastating news... a friend of ours had just committed suicide..

i do not know that friend well... even i do.. i dunno how to respond... in my mind.. i was praying that God could have mercy for this "Christian"... then I do not know what to do and say...

Ann asked me if she will be saved... i told her that it's all depend on God.. However, both of us knew that if one truly understand the gospel... one will not murder him/herself.. it is sin.. the same sin as i had.. you may have... but ours are in thoughts, hers in action.. there is no difference.. God hates sin.. but we can do nothing about it on our own.. so the only solution is to believe in the solution God provided - Jesus.. cling tightly to the message of the cross in this fallen world.

we will be imperfect.. we will never be perfect in this fallen world.. we can't please God on our own.. we can't think that we can glorify God through the things we do. But people... even Christians (worse!)... demanded us to "perform"... to be able to score good grades.. to be able to evangelise... to be able to live a victorious now as a Christian.. Bullshit! if we can live victorious now without sins.. what is the hope for..? Christians are taking away the hope away from Christians...

i do not know the cause of her sucide... but i know that it could be due to depression. Depression always happened when the person thinks too negative about him/herself... so negative that s/he wished to not exist. Dear Christians... stop looking at yourself.. trying to fulfill this and that.. set your mind on the Kingdom of God.. be reminded from the Word of God that there are constant sufferings in body and in mind.. we struggle with our imperfections.. our sins everyday.. but do not look at yourself.. look back to the cross to see that your sins are forgiven.. and look forward to the return of Christ when sin will have no power over us at all.

So struggle with sin.. not to pay the penalty of sin on your own.. you dun have enough "ability" to pay for the sin's penalty... because our physcial death is not the end of everthing.. judgement is.. We who stand firm in Christ will be declared innocent.