Wedding Day of TYC and Vera...

This day is the wedding day of a dearest brother-in-Christ (it is also my dearest sis's birthday), and I was the chinese emcee of the wedding; and thankfully, I gotta back my voice on the wedding day itself.

Yup.. I had a terrible sore throat a week before then, and had lost my voice on monday of that week. So I had gone for 2 doctors, and gotten 2 gargles (one was from my boss) and had been eating soupy stuffs and drinking all sorts of herbal tea just to get the voice back.. Manz.. thanks God for having my voice back such that i could sing and host for the wedding of tyc and vera.

Oh well..to talk more, I really appreciate this dear brother-in-christ, as it was this brother who dragged me to the CF-FOC so that I could be more involved in CF (i only go for music min in year one). Since then, I started to attend CF bible studies in yr 2. Then in yr 2 sem 2, he was the one who dragged (again) me to one of the CF's prayer meeting where there I was being introduced to and learnt and encouraged more from some new staff workers. I still remembered that the messages were taken from 1 Thessalonians.. teaching us what a real church is from the bible, and what is real Christian living is like. Not forgetting the time in SMU too.. i was influenced by him to attended a workshop in SMU, where i learnt how to read the bible in context.

Thereafter, I began to understand the christian faith more, and grew much (w the help of HS). I wondered if he knew it or not, there were a number of people who I am grateful for whenever I think about my faith and understanding now, and he is definitely one of them.

I guessed he had grew much too. From the way, his wedding was held, I was grateful that God had indeed worked in his and vera's life.. bringing them to grow well in the knowledge of our Lord and savior. And of course, not just the 2 of them, there are a number of us, when looking back, had grew much too. Though, there were still some disappointments, i guessed i still can trust God in working in the life of people.

i think i am crazy...

gotten cranky.. and pissed over some friendship issue. I think i had over re-acted and definitely over-emotioned.. Arrrggg.. and definitely handled it in a bad bad manner.. *sob* will try to forgive and be forgiven by the other party too.

Dear anonymous...

Dear anonymous, thanks u for making a comment in my blog.. i just wanna clarify my post a bit and also to share w u my belief... so sorry that it's going to be long..

First, i am not WHINING about holding joss-stick in my blog.. rather i am just sharing what's in my mind then, which was quite normal since i was at a wake, while i was there w tree.

i'm guessing that u are not a christian.. so u may not understand the struggle of us wanting to express our respect to the dead, whilst at the same time, knowing that worshiping the dead is wrong. I am posting that entry is NOT to express my disgust of joss stick or idols.. rather it's to express my concern and question that of being a christian who know that God is the only ever living being, who judges the living and the death when He comes again, how do i go about handling such issue..?

The 2 suggestions that u had given are definitely the best ones.. we should show our love and respect to the person while s/he is alive but not when s/he is dead.. we, compelled by God's love, should also find every opportunity to share Christ with the person in hope that God may have mercy and save the person from His judgment. We can't convert ppl.. only God does.

I am not worrying abt holding joss stick though since i know that God had forgiven us because of what Jesus did and not of what we do.. I am just worrying how the others will view Christianity and God thru our actions and words.. that's y i'm concern of whether holding joss stick would give ppl an impression that it is alright to worship the dead.. that's y.. to tell u frankly.. even right now.. i am hoping that this post would not cause u to have more misunderstanding or hatred with regard to God and christians.

Hope that u may at least understand that christians dun go around smashing idols or condemning people, we are of no postition to do that because we are not right, good and holy people. We are just sinners who recognised that we can't do everything right, can't love, even our close ones, with all our might, we came to see that we are self-centered, always want to do things our way... we are just a fallen being who recognised that no one, not even Christians, is perfectly good.. except God.

We are of no different from the non-christians.. except that we chose to trust in and live under a man who was here 2006 yrs ago.. who said that he is the Son of God, and he forgive all who believe in him and judge those who disregard him.. He mentioned, recorded in the bible, that all of us were dead ALREADY wo believing him.. and only him can give us life, so that we can know how to relate to people the way God intended us to relate.. (dead ppl can't relate to anyone) . So the core teaching of Christianity is not to do right things, it is not looking right, on for God, holy, spirtual or good.. no, the core is to love and relate w ppl patiently and lovingly.. which i personally find it real hard.

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing. (1Cor13: 1-3)

You may chose to believe tt u are not perfect now, the world is in a mess because ppl cannot love ppl.. but when He comes back again everything will be brought to perfection.

OR
u may choose to believe that u are perfectly good now.. able to relate well w all ppl.. patient and loving and dun need anyone to matter the way u live..

Your choice.

(I am so sorry, if i sound disputative.. and long... like i'd said, i am not perfect and i'm learning too.. If so, may u forgive me, and hope that u may want to find out more about this Jesus Christ.. As for my grandma.. just in case u want to know.. yup she had discharged from the hospital le.. we have been visiting her every now and then. Really thanks u for ur concern.. i really hope that u may leave ur name down so that we can know one another. )

Sad news dun come alone...

Read up tree's blog again last morning.. and realised that her grandma passed away. Sad.. very sad.. especially when i recalled how tree had tried to evangelized to her granny one year ago.. especially when i had saw this pleasant old lady during tree's farewell party 4 months ago.. especially when this hainanese granny reminded of my own grandma who is in the hospital now...

Gone to the wake later in the evening.. tree was strong, though she was grief-stricken. I wondered how would i be if i were her.. and also.. during the wake.. I am battling, in my minds, with the issue of going through the ritual.. shall i go thru the ritual without holding the joysticks, just being filial and respect.. or should i not participate it at all..? .. i couldnt come to a conclusion.. so probably will discuss this w my sis when the time comes ba.. =S

Hospital Visit...

I always hate going to hospital.. always. Hospital always put into me this melancholy moods and feelings which i really dislike.. I actually have to think hard of how to response and what to say when i am meeting the person in the hospital. Today was not an exception.

Granny was admitted to hospital again.. this time because of her weak heart, her kidneys are failing, and she couldnt control but to shit and pee wherever she goes. (Poor cousin mei, that she has to do all the cleaning up).. Doctor said that her heart may just stop anytime without any symptom.. That's so scary.. What is more, last night, cousin Ling is admitted to hospital too.. because she is giving birth to her child soon. So ya.. one happy occasion, the latter's not.

I visited cousin first (and of course gotta the above granny's condition from her), as i thought i could record or take some pics of the baby and show it to granny later, so that umm.. i gotta something to talk to granny later. Well, but that didn't help much i guess.. in the end i still struggle while talking to granny with my deteriorated hainanese (sad.. as i used to speak good hainanese =S )... and also struggle hard to find things to talk about with her. Nahz.. anyway.. after visiting them, the consequences and impacts of sin in this world just daunted me again.. u see new life born into a decaying world.. yet there is nothing i can do.. Well .. i really hope to tell them the gospel.. but lack of courage.. so i prayed, and depend on God's sovereignty and good timing... I will try to get the hainanese gospel, from one helpful couple in ARPC (=P forgotten their names), soon.. but really prayed that i may have the guts to play it for granny manz.. =S =S

Disappointment.. it brings about....

I went to the ARPC membership class with my sis yesterday. It was a half-a-day event which started at 9 and ended at 4. I was totally glad that i had gone for this class. It'd given me a chance to retreat and re-focus on God and his good will. Chris Chia had spent the whole day with us, reminding us again on who is Christ, what is he here for and who were/are us before the Lord... etc. I had learnt and reminded of many things.

One of the many things that P.Chris had said that truly stirred my heart and thoughts is really the part when he was explaining Christ as the suffering Messiah. When Jesus told his disciples that the Son of Man must suffer and must be killed, Peter brought him aside to rebuke Him. Then P.Chris said (paraphrased by me), "The Jews expected a political Messiah.. not a meek, suffering one, hence it brought great disappointment to the Jews, when Jesus kept saying that he must be killed."... Then he cont'd.. (also paraphrased by me) " you see, great disappointment brings about..? What do u think great disappointment brings about..?" He asked it many times, with his hands gesturing a wide gap in height, and I thought it was 'rebuking' in my head. "What do u think comes after disappointment..?" he asked again.. but this time he answered his own question, "it's rejection lah"

Oh.. at that moment, i thought how true was it. Then, as a typical Chris Chia, he went on explaining this from Jesus' context and with many many real-life examples.. But in my mind, many many such examples from my memories was flowing thru me... i was totally ashamed of myself then, of how i had been so indifferent towards, rather how i had rejected, my mum , my aunt and some of my friends just because of my disappointment in them. I felt a tingle of sadness for those who i had known too, who was rejected and rejected others due to disappointment. Then.. i see again.. how utterly sinful we are.. how great is God's mercy, and how much more we need to depend on God to love others..

Of course, the things that i had learnt yesterday is not just this.. there are other mind-provoking issues too.. so yup.. in overall, i am glad, despite having to wake up early, that i had gone for the membership class.