Arrrggggg..... super siannnnzzz.... ... i need to hand up assignment 3 by tonight... and i have no mood and no idea how to start yet... diezz... Haizz... ... why sc443 have so many assignments? if not, it will be such a fun subject manz!

Gotta a new PC...

Yippppeeee ... ... ! went to commex today, with my sis, and gotta a new pc for ourselves @ a very low price... $619. I think it's the cheapest deal there liaoz... with such a high-end spec. I was totally amazed of how much my sis knows about computer, she can look at the spec and tell me that this num rep the bus speed....that is the cache storage... this is the latest stuff and etc... geez... mi feel so 缠愧 manz... haha!

Saw Prof Tay today... my first time talking to a prof casually... you see I hav phobia talking to ingenious and authoritative figures watz... so I can't ever be "aah" with my supervisor.. my teachers, my lecturers... pastors... and even wee seng... hee...

But today.. I managed to talk readily with him... probably because he had shed down his professor look (he gotta a stud dressed-up)... or probably becuz tree is around... nevertheless, he is indeed a prof who likes to mingle with students... talking to them... be a friend to them.

Told him that I had read his speech... felt a bit sheepish to had commented his speech, after knowing that's his first speech; and that he was speaking to a group of non-christians. I guess he had really tried his best.... and i am too rushed to concluded in my last entry ahzzz....

Anyway, really hope that i wouldn't stressed up if he ever attend our CM ahz... he looked interested, when we tried to invited him to our CM yaz... =)

The True Joy...

I am so overjoyed to hear from tree that her grandma received Christ into her life today. I am even more encouraged by her... having the courage to bring a stranger, who can speak Hainanese, to talk to her grandma about Jesus Christ... Hearing her story... sharing her joy, has lighten up a flame in my heart. I suddenly feel that i shall too... try to share the gospel with my only granny left on earth.

I had always been indifferent when i'm at my uncle's house. I never thought of talking about Christ to my granny when i'm @ tamah jurong (my uncle's house), cuz my uncle and dad will be around. My dad had been threatening to 断绝父女关系 whenever i talk abt Jesus; and my uncle was very upset that i'd become a Christian, and that i didn't hold the joss sticks during one of the funeral. So everytime, if I'm there to visit my granny... i will just utter a prayer for them ( my granny, cousin and uncle)... and nothing more... so apathetic!

Tree's incident encourages me a lot... guess I shall pray more for them, rather once in a blue moon when i visited them. And that to start thinking how can i bring the gospel to them.

Told my sister about tree's grandma story... she was so touched that there is some tears in her eyes! Really hope that she can one day too acknowledge that she is a Christian, and experience this Joy... the joy to be IN Christ.

The Joy...

Think a lot today... many issues aroused yesterday that caused me to think about people's faith in Christ nowadayz...

One of it is Prof Tay's speech for SCE's DND, I read it, having an intention to see how a Christian Prof addressed to the non-believers @ the dinner. Guess he tried to subtly challenge the students to re-think about life... about happiness with his 3 points... But I just felt that something is missing somewhere...

I gotta this feeling that it's a "sermon" of how YOU can be happy and purposeful in this sinful world; which kinda contradicted my Christian understanding of denying myself... loving others... having joy IN the Lord, and bring this joy to the others...

I recalled the sermon of contentment during our last FOC that whether Paul is in plenty or none, he can be "happy" because he understand that he got nothing to boast about in the first place... everything he had achieved... anything he can do, he considered them rubbish upon knowing Jesus. Thus, I felt that Tay's 3 points, in the end, will not help people to understand the "Joy" that people need, which is knowing that we are already condemned, and how God graciously saved us; this brings about thanksgiving in our heart and hence indescribable joy... It is an act of God. Not something we can do to attain.
Nevertheless, guess Tay had tried his best lahz...

Well, the rest of the issues will be discussed during the different care groups... cuz I guess all the CGLs, like me, were greatly challenged to ruminate God's faithfulness and the "yunan garden thingy" and assimilate faith in Christ... not in our experiences. So do attend CG if you wish to sharpen ur faith... So glad to know that there are actually non NTU people attending our CGs... がんばいて (ganbaite) to all people, as we stand firm in the faith!

Tiring day...

Today was a very tiring day for me... cuz I slept late last night... wasn't able to concentrate in lecture as usual... and can't really bring myself to study when I was in the library with grace and wong YJ. Later, try to study Romans 3 @ canteen b with tree... same thing happens... I can't comprehend at all... so settle down with my Real Time lect notes... before going for CM.

Today's CM was good, though i made some smal mistake w the slides... Anyway, John was good... can see that he is more focus when he preached now... no longer bored us to sleep... he is more dynamic now... and the points of the passage was welly presented...
Was very happy to see Siyi here for the first time... hope that she can continue to come... Mabel was here too, though she failed to get the rest of my FOC members here... I was encouraged by her still...

Eat with minners during the dinner.. and gotta know 2 Vietnamese... Lan and Nyhi. They were very encouraging, esp Lan, who showed great interests in our activities. I had asked them to join our CG and also Supper Talks... they agreed, and they also went for the GRT later... =) hope that they will not be too stretched lahz... in attending our so many activities.

Can't concentrate well during the GRT too... mind was filled with other thoughts then but still gotta the main points lahz...

Mind blanked out totally after the GRT... stoned when talking to Char(nie), PohL, Ray... left my pencil case in the TR... =S

haizzz... the moral of it... have sufficient sleep....

ST Flyer Distribution...

Finally, I had made a trip down to the hall to help out in the flyer distribution... I have always wanted to help out, but was being occupied with other stuffs until today.... and this night we managed to sweep thru Hall 4... knocking on every door, talking to every soul about the Supper Talk, and challenging them to come for it...

This time, unlike last year, I met no cute dude... no half-naked dripping wet guy that make me blush ... instead we encountered this "seemingly anti-Christ" chap... that not only jeered jokingly at us when we knock on his door, but also commented loudly and sarcastically to his friend, "... Ahh, there the what Jesus and the twelve apostles..." I dun understand why he commented us this way... and I dun understand why he (and many other people) find Christianity offensive... when they dun even wanna find out more before they concluded their stand.

Was a bit upset though, but still managed to utter a prayer silently for him, that one day, he will get to see the truth, the way, and the life.

sc443 assignment... completed!

Oh manz... after 2 sleepless night, I finally kinda complete the second assignment of SC443... which is to render a 3D scene of a school compound. Well here is a link...for those who are interested to see the product of my one and a half week work. After this assignment, I thought I can at least rest and catch up with some friends and of course... my other subjects. To my dismay, when I went to the SC443 lecture this afternoon.... Parasak announced the third assignment...#@$!%*#%.... haiz... guess that's school life lahz... endless assignments and tutorials!
Anyway, I wanna thank those people, whoever you may be, for the concern you had shown while you see me looking stressed and tired... i'm ok .. and i hope to be able to be there for you too, when the table is turned. Anyway, to all school kidz... がんばいて ("ganbaite" which means all the best!)

Music Ministry...

Just came back from Music Ministry Recruitment... and was very glad that we have had 4 people coming for the interview; whilst at the same time, inexplainably, feeling a bit disquieted... probably, no Indonesians had joined us this time... or probably I had started to worry... started to be anxious of the work that is to be done... the work of loving people... the work of building one another in Christ...

This is exciting though, to begin another chapter of Music Ministry.... an area where I had devoted a great deal of time in. Looking back, I never regret... in fact, I shall always remember the moments of joy and pain serving and learning together as a ministry.
While looking forward, i now see a year of great changes... Music min being reconstruct to lead song sessions, christmas caroling becoming ad-hoc... more S'porean than Ind'sian in the team etc.

haizz... really hope that i can adapt to the changes fast lahzz.... and really hope that God will help us in our service to Him and His people lahzz.....

The Hope...

Nothing can describe my disappointment now, after i had watched the badminton game of Susilo against Boonsak not a while ago... A hope for Susilo to earn Singapore a medal was shattered... He is supposed to be a good player... He beat the China's top seed, and his game with the German, Bjoern Joppien was awe-inspiring... He should have won the Thai today since he had won the Thai for at least 3 times in past encounters... He shouldn't have lost... but he did! and was badly crushed... with the score of 15-1 in the 2nd set.........

Haizzzz... that's the problem of placing hope in things that are not eternal lahz... the result is not reliable and it only brings about great disappointment. But thanks be to God! ... that the hope we have in His promise is eternal and the result... the future is certained... for the victory is already given to us through Jesus Christ. ...... Yeahzz....!

school work piling up liaoz...

Arrrgggg..... gotta programming to do... have to render a 3D scene, with openGL, in one week's time...aaahhhhhzz..... streesss... and geez, school work is really piling up liaoz, i started to realize that i'm quite behind in my lectures and tutorials...!!! esp Adv Algorithm... still dun have a clear idea yet.... oh no... perharps is the Olympic Games season now , i feel as if i'm running a marathon race, mi running to catch up with the courses.... and yaa... with FYP is catching up from behind... haizzzz...really hope I can cope well with the time and be able to stay focus lahz....

Song of the day...

Live a life for You

What have I to boast a life sold to sin?
Striving for selfish gain apart from You, my King
Whom am I to claim? The grace You freely give
By Your Son's obedient death
You brought us from our sin

By His death on the Cross You saved me from
You just and certain condemnation
By the Power that raised; Your Christ o'er the grave
I'm now Your new creation

Chrous:
Renew my mind, transform my life
to live only for You, to walk in the light
What joy to know, I'll be like Your Son
Who avails us to worship You
In spirit and truth.

Verse 2:
Why should God Himself wear frail humanity?
In love, Christ bore the wrath of God; nailed on Calvary
So help me choose to live for Him who gave me life
For imitate Your perfect Son and glorify Your Christ

So I love my neighbour, as myself
Be he my enemy or friend
So I serve mt brother, united by blood
until we gather round the Lamb

A very nice song that I'd heard in ARPC today as I visited it the second time. Wonderful lyrics, Beautiful melody... and it really speaks to my heart as I sing. I so loveth this song that I went up to the song leader after service to ask for the lyrics and of where can I buy the cd.
To my dismay, in one sense, that it's not a song from any CD, but was written by fellow ARPC members. So, she gave me the lyrics, and I ask for more... the guitar chord for the song i asked, and she actually gave me the handbook of gospelic songs sang in ARPC, at a price of 10. I am so amazed to know that they have a compilation of evangelical songs... so without much thinking, Yongjie and I shared to buy the handbook...

I was so happy that I gotta the lyrics of the song with chords, forgetting that I actually can't rem much of how to sing the song...=p... anyway, Yongjie knows how, so will bug him for the next few days... heehee. Gosh... I miss the guitar... how i wish i can play some songs with it now... =s haiz... Anyway, I was quite inspired somehow... hoping that I can compose a song too...when I got the time... hahahaa... =).. Arggg... anyway, gotta do my assignment for SC 443... =[

Loss or Gain?

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? For what can a man give in return for his life? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels." Mark 8: 34-38 (ESV)

This is a passage that YongJie had pointed out today, to encourage me when I cried out, to him, that I am not worthy of the gospel... I had lived a life that did not speak of Christ loudly, fearing that I may lose something, esp relationships with people (and pride probably). For to me, losing things had never been a good experience since young... there was always tears, regrets and frustrations; whilst on the contrary, gaining always brings about rewards, gladness and pride....

"He is no fool to lose things that he cannot keep for something he cannot lose"

I had been hearing this saying for umpteen times, and I totally agree to this... however, my life is not committed to it... and it seems not yet ready to lose the world that I had gained so far...

But as Yongjie open up the bible, and "took out the scales"( Mark 8:34-38) to measure the worth of the gospel, I realised my foolishness. What a fool I am to think that losing a friend is a greater deal than losing the eternal life. How blinded I am, failing to see the glorious prize in heaven, and the partnerships that I had in the gospel. I weep for my transgressions, and weep even more to find it hard to let go of the notions that i had held on for years. In the end, we pray... I pray for forgiveness, repentance, and renewal... he pray to encourage, for more wisdom (fear of God).

Now, I can only pray and hope that the Holy Spirit will transform my mind and my thinking each day, such that whatever happens, I can deny myself, and identify myself with Christ and with His suffering..... Amen.

Mum is so proud of me....

When i came back after a long tiring day in school, mum comes to me excitedly and said, "姐，你成功了!" She is so happy, because today, many people had commented that her new haircut looks nice.... and guess what, her hair was cut by me yesterday before i went to IMM... hahahaha.... =) Actually, I cut her hair in a rush, and i seriously dun find it good..., anyway, she is very happy lahz... and can't take her eyes off the mirror... =P

Sudden Inspiration...

Wanting to settle down and start studying just a while ago... guessed I got
distracted when I flipped through the notebook that I used for IA, and found some chinese poems written by my colleague, Shuhui. I was inspired suddenly to write one too and, guess what..! I managed to create one with the limited chinese vocab i have... I am so proud of myself... *grin*

Anyway, this is the chinese poem reflecting of what I had learnt from Romans so far... geez, don't laugh... if it sound cheesy....! *shy*

自古何人无罪过
日以继夜自堕落
庆幸真理现身说
唯独耶和救天祸

The First Corporate Meeting...

Wohooo... Yesterday is the first corporate meeting of CF... the launching of a busy year ahead... Really have to thank God for the people who are willing to be in the partnership of the gospel with us. This year is so different from the past years in CF; it is MORE!! -- more freshies, more 'activities', more gospel-centered, more leaders, more evangelical, more evangelistic, more non-believers in our midst, more fellowship, and more love for one another...

As what the Pepsi's slogan suggest: Ask for more... I really hope to see even more... more 'revival' in NTU, more people can be challenged to live a worthy life, to be evangelical and evangelistic. =p ... I know CF will be faithful in its teaching, now shall only pray that the Holy Spirit will do the rest... the transforming... not only in the freshies, but also the leaders. Esp for myself too, that I would not get distracted or stressed when more things (like sch, FYP, Music Min, church etc...) that come up. Really really hope that time is not the factor that will affect the partnership of the gospel... =)

The National Day...

Today is the 39th National Day of S'pore, and it's also the day when Andrew leaves for his exchange program in the States. Mi went to the airport to sent him off in the morning and saw 张善伟 and his crazy fans there. Come to think of that, he is no different from normal people, haha =D... so he can't steal the limelight from our Andrew Zhang...Anyway at 1 odd, Andrew went into the departure hall & we headed to BK. Had our lunch... talk some stuff... then head home; while mi and Grace went to Ray's home to take some stuff b4 going to the fireworks outing. Saw Ray's doggie, Blackie... it is so so so cute.... He gotta big bright eyes that look adorably at mi and my ice-cream...Awhhhhh.... とても かばいい ですぬ (very cute desune)...

Then we went to City Hall, make 4 new PRC friends- Huang Zhao, Song Fei, Guixiang and Yan Shan. Really hope that they had enjoyed our fellowship, and would like to continue to come with us.

Watching fireworks on the Benjamin Shear's Bridge is quite a big yawn... cuz it's quite far fr the stadium and there many cars roaring by. One very funny thing that happened on the bridge while watching fireworks is that whenever a long and tall container-lorry pass by, and block the view, all people on the bridge would "Oie" loudly together then burst into laughter for our "unity"... haha... =p

Lastly... Happy Birthday Singapore and ya Happy Birthday Ger!

Silent Reader's Innocent Verdict =)

I'm really thankful for all my friends, affirming me that it's not my fault regarding the Silent Reader's Issue... if not i will just go on thinking that i had caused a hooha... Anyway after posting the last blog yesterday... deem it was making a mountain out of a mole! I seem to have over-reacted... haiz... 真是小题大做啊... ^_^! Anyway, thank you, reader, for torturing that ahz..=p...so do disegard any bad concerns, thinking that I am still feeling bad. I ain't in bad spirit anymore, in fact it's not a bad thing to have cleared the bad misunderstanding about some bad issue before it turns really bad... =p *smile*

A Culpable Silent Reader...

Feeling very very bad now... after reading some of my favourite bloggers' entry! =(
Feeling that I am the cause of their response... I guess that they are really disturbed to know that I had been reading their blog silently... without any common courtesy probably... because I never give any comment neither do I tell them that I'm reading...

I always thought it's alright... because to me, I am just reading articles written by my friends, and through their writings, understanding their views and thoughts. I always thought that when we had something online, we are expecting diff kind of people to read so there is no need to acknowledge. I always thought that I don't need to give comments because i really have no comment... =S

Though I always thought.... never do I thought that I am wrong, until I told them, one fine day, that I had been reading their blogs. They are so shocked... seemingly disturbed that I am reading their diaries, something that is not mean for me to read. Suddenly, I felt that I had committed a crime unknowingly... invading their privacy unknowingly... hurting them unknowingly... and gotta myself this pang unknowingly....

Sorry... I'm deeply sorry and I will try... really try to give comment to the things that I'd read. This is really not me... giving comments... exposing myself and thoughts to the public, the people that I'm not close to... I feel so vulnerable now... guess I should have considered more or at least prepare myself more... before launching into this blogging business....

Once again... sorry to gunblad3, icegal, tree, chin cher, yifen, char(nie)... that I had read your blog and link it to mine without any consent... Rest assure, i will remove the links till you gave me the "authorisation".

Alas... what a lengthy entry for a small matter... ={... but guess it will be good that thing can be cleared up.

The "seafood"....

Well... guess i really spend a great deal of time communicating my thoughts on the "seafood"... wonder if any kind soul have had the patience to read it thru... ya! Anyway the seafood dinner for Andrew is good... =) at least he ate quite a lot of shelled stuff... =P and we had lotsa fun together at the arcade center... playing photohunt and the "3 colors 3 players hitting game" (=p dunno the name of the machine). I am really very happy, probably because of no guilt, probably because of the little beer that I took, or probably just because of the accompany... whatever it may be... I am really glad.
However thru'out the night, I didn't have much chance to catch up with Andrew before he left... something I felt a bit regret of... cuz i know that i'm gonna miss him when he's not around, just like when Peishan, Danny, Ziyang and Sam is not around. Really hope that he will cont to keep us in contact when he's over there... *smile*

Alright... time for me to sleep! gotta 830 lecture tml... =S

bbq satay or bbq seafood?

It is 12.25 am... and I just gotta home from the farewell dinner for Andrew. After washing up and boiling a cup of green tea... here am I, entering my third post of the day. It is a reflection of what I had done... about my weakness... about my indecisiveness...

Everything was well and good in the library then since today is the opening ceremony of my blog... But around 5... I was preparing to go to the farewell dinner when I kinda remember that today is the ARPC Fri service and today ARPC is having "satay outreach" ... and my non-Christian colleague will be there... and Chris Chia will be preaching ... and Yifen will be going... and so many ands.... that caused me wanting to join them to the ARPC... and I actually went.

On the way there however, wasn't easy for me... I am struggling to decide to go for the "satay" which i know that i can learn a lot... or to the "seafood" where I can fellowship with the people there... esp Eunice and Andrew. I am confused.. Vera don't understand... but I'm really can't make up my mind though I am still following them to ARPC. Finally, just before I step into ARPC, I backed out and decided to go for the "seafood". Reason: I don't wanna feel guilty, dun wanna let Eunice and myself down... cuz I hav kinda confirm and plan to go for the "seafood"...

So, I left with a sorry.

On the way to Marina... I am thinking to myself... I see that my dilenma came about because I was distracted... I had planned to go for the dinner few days ago, but as new plan comes up, it arouse my concern.... This is not a sole case for this had happened many times... like choosing of my prescribed electives, I can't decide of what subjects to take until the very last day of add-drop period. Then I remember the times when I am distracted in my walk of faith... how many times had I identify myself as student, as church cell member, as minner, as even Cfer... busying with so many things and events, yet forgetting to see myself as a Christian... a Christ follower... doing things out of love, and not out of dues.

I am easily distracted... really! and God knows it... that's why Jesus promised a Counsellor... a Spirit in us... that will constantly and faithfully reminds us and points us to Jesus Christ. Many a times I look at myself... many a time I bewailed the ugly side of me... But each time, the Holy Spirit will point me back to Jesus reminding me that... Yes it's true! I am this this this and that that that but hey stop looking at myself... Look at Jesus... He had forgiven all of our sins in His grace. Get out of the "me" thinking, and think of things that are honorable, whatever that is pure and just, and whatever that is lovely and commendable. Furthermore, there is a church alongside to grow and mature together, hence striving for holiness is never a solo effort... So, God please help me in this... with the help of Your Spirit and Your people.

Continue from the First...

yeah! As say earlier... I shall continue this excitement I have had in this new toy... =) after my lunch. However, this excitement is about to die out soon, when I realize I had spent so much time editing the template and typing of what I wanna say. Alas, really hope that I will not 半途而废 lahz... I am someone that really hate typing out stuff, I will take ages to type it out.. then check sentence structures and spellings and blahz... and duh! Anyway... I shall keep it short when I have to keep it lahz... =)
so now to keep it short... i shall keep it short and end now..Ha! I guess I haven't meet my objective yet... which is to talk about the welcome tea yesterday... anyway... should talk about it tonight lahz.... if I still have the excitement...

My Very Very Very First...

Finally, finally... after so many months of considerations, I am into this blogging business liaoz... the so called "dark side" defined by Theresa...*hee* And yes...! I am really really very excited now, because I am going to share part of my life and penny of my thoughts on this public site...! This is indeed something very new to me cuz never do I share my thoughts and experiences to anyone that I am not comfortable with.

True indeed, i must agree with Yifen that blogging is not the true expression of oneself (quote from Yifen), but I really feel that I get to know some ppl better thru reading theirs. At the very least, I can know what had happened to them on 6 Aug and about their view on certain stuff. Some very great examples will be theresa, yongjie, chin cher and ray, I really get to know them a bit better thru reading their blog. you know what, I actually began to like theresa after I had read her blog... hey Tree! I'm your great fan...! =) Thanks to Theresa and Yongjie, for encouraging me to start this blog yesterday, if not, all of us will not be reading this page about me.

Alas... 130 pm now... gotta go and meet my fren now... shall continue this excitement later... :)