Last Day of the Year...

Oh manz... the last day of the year had just slipped by without me noticing... guess that I was too engrossed in the work of editing the photos.. finding a good gallery and uploading them. Duhz! What to say to a greenhorn in digi camera stuffs..? Nevertheless, I am proud of the first photo gallery I had created...

Here's a link to my photo gallery: http://www.picturetrail.com/nice9al

But to my dismay... the photo gallery that I had signed up is only a free trial for 30 days...

The PRC camp... ( 28/29th Dec)

Headed school, after an hour of sleep, to participate in the PRC camp. This is the first time I'm in such a camp, though they had a similar camp last year. Last year, I was too busy with the Music Ministry Pantomime that I missed the PRC camp and hence missed the chance to make friends with the last year PRCs... that is also why I'm kinda anticipating this coming camp.

The camp was fun.. i would say that it was very fun.. so fun that I'd kinda have a "hangover" after that. Well, since Ray had made it clear that we are purely to make friends with the PRCs, I had kinda give it all in enjoying myself and establishing friendship in the hope that I might one day have a chance to tell them the gospel.

This was one good camp, indeed, that I no need to think of what to do and just follow the program. This was one good camp that the people are so friendly and the ice is easy to break. This is one good camp to see shy people evenually opening up to one another...

However, how good a camp it may be.. without any following up, it will just be another empty fun! Really hope that I would have the wisdom, the initative... and the courage to follow up with them. Pray that they too will one day accept Jesus as Lord and Savior...

Pre- PRC camp...

Gotta an orientation camp on the 28th and 29th of Dec... meeting supervisor on the 30th Dec! Diez!! Haven't been doing my FYP since Christmas Eve and arggg... and no time to do the FYP for the next 2 dayz... so how...? no need to sleep liaoz lahz.. and duhz still have to prepare for the camp!

Christmas isn't christmas...

After so much that had happened, i thought i would be melancholy till the end of the year... Things kinda turned well on thurs... finally have more confidence in my FYP... finally made up my mind and was firm of it. So was kinda relieved after.

But this incident had kinda make me grown in knowing Christ... hence I lamented when I see that Christmas had became a season of shopping and feast and party @ orchard where the local churches put up one performance after another.. All people at Orchard... Christians or not are celebrating Christmas.. are clapping, dancing and rejoicing for the peace we have with one another. That's our society now... as long as we are in peace with one another.. have fun together, it doesn't matter of what you think or say or believe...

So, nobody had paused to think of Jesus.. the Christ... the King that one day will come and judge. If we really think... i guess we will not be rejoicing but repenting and crying out for mercy together. This will then lead to true joy... the joy of knowing that our sins can be forgiven because while we were still evil and helpless, sinful and alienated from God, Christ died for us... on our behalf, he had drank the cup of wrath deserve for us. Hence, really hope that all people, whilst celebrating, may experience this true joy... this true gift of grace and mercy.

Many things had happened...

Have not been blogging for 2 weeks... actually for 2 weeks.. many things happened.. many emotions... many thoughts... many things that i want to say it out.. yet many things to hide.. many things I had learnt.. on the other hand, many things i am unsured... many things that are confused... many things that i am inconfident in doing... many things that weighed me down..

I can't find time to blog them... and I can't find any words to pen down the thoughts and the feelings in me... I even tried to think of Chinese words... but what i can think of is 难以形容.... the more i tried to think... the more 辛苦 i am... like there is something very heavy in my heart...

Running away could be a good way... i realise i wanted to run away from many things but i know i can't... and i shouldn't.. but still i see me running... running away from my FYP project... from the FES matter... from church... from friends... from myself...

yes.. I am weak... I can't make firm decision.. I can't be sure of my project... I can't voice out the wrongs that I see... I can't understand many things... i can't stop thinking of evil... i am a sinner... yes i am a sinner.. and no one... no one except God can save... This is the only thing that i am sure of...

Hence, I dun need sympathy... because we are all in the same plight... Rather, teach me the word of God.. the power of salvation... help me to consider Christ... so that i can have my confidence in the Lord and not in my flesh... so that i may have the wisdom to deal with issues whilst still in the "now and not yet" .. I want to continue in learning God's Word.

Sis told Dad that She wants to be a Christian...

Came back home from school... after a long thoughts on the bus about Christian Ministry and about Christian Living esp in family issues and ministry issue... i concluded when i alighted that i am still unsure... unsure of when to be respectful to parents and when to stand up for faith... what does it mean to be lovingly... what is consider as rebellious? I had decided that i have to ask people...

When I opened the door, as I reached home, I overheard immediately the conversation between my Dad and sis. My sister is telling dad that she wanna be a Christian. My first thought... what shall I do?... what shall i do when i had just concluded that i have to ask people about family issues...? shall i chip into their conversation...? Would I become impatient and start to barl out at dad...? I decided to 逃避...

I turned on my pc... start calling janice.. msn people to talk..

after talking to janice... i did what she suggested. I sat beside my sister and just listened.. self control... self control.. prayed.. self control..

I guess my sister was indeed good in being calm.. or I guess that it's me that was hotheaded. Their conversation, unlike mine, didn't ended with quarrel and tears. My dad made his stand.. he said that he would not interfer any of my sis's decisions when she reached 21. I laughed in my heart... sis is turning 21 in 3 months time.. so i told my sis tt it's a good deal. That's kinda end the conversation.

I asked her how is she feeling after the talk.. she mentioned that she felt happy.. cuz she knows ,at last, what's dad's thinking. I always know dad's thought.. but i'm never felt happy for that... for i see it as sin.. utterly sinful... trying to find excuses for his pride.. for hating Christianity.

Nevertheless, felt relieved after the whole epsoide.

Supper at Wee Seng's house...

Whenever i heard Ann said that they had supper at wee seng's place, how i wish i was there... being in the fellowship... to talk about current issues ... be encouraged from the bible point of view... and to learn from one another...!

Today is the first time i had supper in wee seng's place... as i'd anticipated, it is encouraging... we talk about some ministry matters.. some case studies... etc! Nothing especially new... but bringing it up again certainly sharpen my thinking in many ways.

I can't sleep the whole night after that... juggling the many thoughts i have... and gotten myself tired out and knotty as the night gets deeper. Well.. i can only conclude that thinking stuff at night is not really helpful... at least it's true for me... my thoughts seems to crystallize as the day breaks...

Bible Study... Bible Shopping...

Met Mabel to study bible today at funan... she is the second person that i'd done bible study with in a fast food restaurant. Not a conducive place i know... but well I can't think of anywhere better outside school. Like sixian, she seemed to understand fast for the first study. Now after the study... can only pray and hope that she (and also me) can persevere well in reading the bible in context and being faithful.

After then, go bible shopping with my sis... yes! she had received Christ! She mentioned that she would like to attend a church and wanted to get a bible for herself. Hallelujia for that! I was happy... overjoyed! then lost... so what am I to do next? shall I bring her to church? or shall i let her to decide on her own? ( she mention that she would like to look around on her own ) shall i do bs with her... or shall i just leave it to the church to do it? How about Dad..? will he erupt into great anger when he knew abt this...?

Well... despite the many concerns... the joy is still inexpressible!

Damping Monday...

Gotta up early to go to school to meet my new FYP supervisor.. was late.. so i called to apologised! Prof Chan was kind enough to postpone the meeting to the afternoon. This gave me a break to do some shopping therapy at Jurong Point.

Then went to school.. saw Jeremy and DanDan, as usual, they were having their lunch at canteen A... try to make a card for tree, but made a mess in the end... felt sad while trying to undo the mess!

Met the supervisor then, after borrowing laptop from YongJie, she is a nice lady... but stern when it comes to work. She warned me of my slow progress. i felt embarrassed for not doing anything during the first semster now... really!

Try to do something for the FYP in library.. ended up continuing the mess of making tree's card. Then went for Music Ministry Practice. I was too early, so watch ppl play badminton... memories came back...

Practice was bad... I'd kinda angry with myself for unable to sing it well.. everybody seemed laid back.. late comers, early goers, Ray didnt come for practice, Sharon just chip in like this... AArrrggg... stressed + disappointment... tired !

So the day ended with such a feeling, and i carried this feeling to meet tree.. to pass her the card. It rained.. making my mood damper.. but when tree received the simple card and said how much she loved it.. manz.. that brightened me a lot!

Thanks tree... and may the Lord our Lord Jesus bless you and keep you. May you be able to learn and trust God more as you now serve at Doulos! All the best!!

Brought sis to ARPC...

i realised that i had not been talking to my sister for one week liaoz... we were all busy with our own stuffs - I had camp and FYP in school and she had her part time job. It feels so funny when i do care for her and wanted to talk to her but there is nothing to say to her... and worse i'm indifferent when she talked to me. Preharps this is what they mean that we always hurt the people who is most close to us... or is it just me... the sinner me!?

Nevertheless, I tried to catch her today... cuz it's Saturday... she worked half day! I invited her to hear with me an online sermon from ARPC. She enjoyed the sermon, as I had expected. So then i asked her if she would like to attend today's service at ARPC... since they will begin a series of evangelical Christmas talks today with John Chapman to start the ball rolling. She agreed.

John Chapman had delivered a very faithful message about Jesus... about how from His birth, death and resurrection show forth that He is the Son of God and the King of all. I kept looking at my sis during the service.. hoping that she could be convicted. She is, as what John C. had said, the person who knows the information, but have not move to the light side... Notwithstanding, she seem haven't been so at the end of the service... she had enjoyed herself she said.

KTV です... と BBQ

Finally, today... i'd gonna KTV after such a long time. It is kinda fresh to me cuz the KTV khakis today is so different.. we have Pohlin, Grace, Tree and Yongzhi.. no Charmain, Eunice and Guofeng... geez KTV without charmain is quite different sia cuz no one to sing Sammi's Cantonese songs with me... hee, nevertheless that was still a very enjoyable KTVing...

After that, mi went for the BBQ gathering at Huan Yang's house. We were celebrating the completion of the PDL's first series... duhz... anyway... glad to see some new faces and some familiar ones there... have had good food and fun...

Music Minstry Training Camp...

very very tired now... have been singing for more than 10 hours per day for the past 2 days... and I have one more day to go... and this is the first time that i have to learn to sing in both soprano and alto voice for all songzz... sigh.. no choice ahzz... got not much singers... nevertheless... guess the training is essential ahz.. since we had gotta some place to sing out the gospel to those whom the gospel is needed to be heard. That's the motivation for me to go on now...

To Johore with Sis and Mum...

yeah.. my very once in a blue moon outing with my mum...! This trip was well planned by my sister way before the start of the exam, nevertheless, i guess i had kinda made her upset sia... because i wasn't feeling well during the trip so wasn't seem to enjoy myself during the trip... or is it that i wasn't used to going out with mum. Anyway... i was quite glad and relieved to see and know that my mum enjoyed the trip very much...

Retreat at Wee Seng's place...

Finally the decision was made.. seem that all of us were on the same side of the fence... which is good . I had kinda made up my mind yesterday.. before the retreat, that's why I am very quiet today... i need to reason out my emotions, cause even when I had made the decision... I still feel emotional abt it... 怎么说.. it's a place where I had known so many people that i liked... a place where i had grown...
Well... that's just my emotional side... but I am firm about my decision because that is something that I know it is bibical and godly... furthermore I know that God, despite of anything, will sustain His ministry... and we shall be thankful that we have a part in His ministry.

Granny's Birthday...

Yes.. yesterday was my granny's birthday. It was one of the annual event that the whole family will come.. and talk to talk to one another while the kids run around the small flat, making noise. Well, what a blissful scene... because it's 三代同堂 watz... oh no no.. it's 四代.. four generations... i gotta nieces and nephews already.. haiz. However, I don't like this, 'cause the talks are shallow and the concerns are superficial, nobody really care for one another... worst not even to the birthday gal. My cousin actually scold my granny when she blocked her view whilst watching TV... what the @$!%&#
One other thing that saddened me is the fact that some of my cousins were quite disturbed that I am a Christian... and I find it hard... really hard to talk to them abt Christ... when we never have in depth relationship with one another.. and worse, i am prejudice towards them...

Meeting my FYP supervisor...

I was kinda trembling with fear when i saw my supervisor yesterday while i was in the canteen... was afraid to face him.. because I have NOT done anything for the FYP yet... I hate to say, but i cowardly leave the place as soon as possible. As I was on my way home, my supervisor called me... asking me to meet him today. The whole night... i was anxious. I was thinking of what to say to him the next day... ... should i find some excuses, or should i be honest? As I was battling with these, i realized how weak i am.. how iniquitous i am to want to hide my shame with excuses....

So in the end, I told Prof Andreas, this morning, that I have not done anything at all for the FYP. I thought he will give me a good scold, but he didn't. Nevertheless, I still feel bad for not doing anything yet, even though I was quite relief that he didn't disapprove me.

Examzzz is Over...!!

What a long time since I last entered an entry! Well well... due to one main factor: EXAMS... one sub factor: MODEM spoiled... i had not been updating the blog for 3 weeks...
But anyway, usually nothing interesting could happen to me during exam period... and normally during these times... i would be at home munching my lecture notes... haiz boring sia!

so here... a bit update of what had i been doing for the past 3 weeks:
- most of e time study... when mind drift away... study bible, draw anime, sing songs, see mirror...
- eat...
- watch TV..
- sleep..
- attend cell..
- sing KTV at home.. to destress
- watch anime..
- in school taking examz.. studying with frens after that..

そですしょ... geez .. むずがしですね (boring desune)... that's why am looking forward to the interesting holidayzzz です...!! KTV ですか?

Making a scene...

Attended cell today, after my school. For the first time, I will be doing the 40 days PDL series. Very uncomfortable with this unfaithful material... and plus my healing emotion... I made a scene during the cell. I have to apologise that I didn't control myself well... but seeing the people there... one opinion after another without looking into the bible... made me distressed.. lamented.
I barge out in the end the harsh message of the gospel uncontrollably... that we all deserved death if God is to be fair... but God in His mercy, saved us.

Talk to Huan Yang and Sixian after the cell... it's not going anywhere, because we are just stating our POV without looking into the bible. I did warn and mention that PDL is not a good material to use, because of the way it present its study is exactly embracing our Enemy, who has disguised itself into Experiences in this post modernism age. PDL's intention is good as I had agreed with that Huan Yang that we are to glorify God, but the way the study goes seem to glorify ourselves more. Do note that I am making this comment after I had scanned through the material and that I had attended the cell today.

Was very upset in the end after the talk... my mind was thinking.. wondering why God's ministry is always facing so many adversities... why many, throughout Man's history, are not evangelical? But I thank God the faithful ones... and I pray that you too are the faithful one.

Tidying up the emotions...

Have been thinking too much these few days... gotta myself trapped in this mess of thoughts... making myself depressed and dependent on myself...

What a wretched person I am... how can I have forgotten that I am dead to sin, alive to God in Christ Jesus? Why do I allow myself to be cooped up with my own stupid stuffs, when there is a much serious thing happening now to God's ministry?

I wanted to fight on..!! I wanted to be the good soldier of Christ Jesus, an athlete that run to get the prize, and a hardworking farmer waiting for the first crop.... May I be able to flee from the youthful desires and sins... may I consider Christ.

I am picking myself up now(with help from friends), so, do not come and ask me what happened to me... I DO NOT wish to arouse MY emotions again... my sins anymore. Talk Christ to me.. remind me to live a godly life, for Christ had set us free to righteous living.

The Game Demo...

Yesterday was the game demo presentation... I managed to come out with a game, but I wasn't happy. I was afraid... very frightened. Of what? I was not sure of myself too... Maybe I'm worried of how to face my partner or wondered what to say later during the demo...
I was so emotional that I broke into tears on the bus to school and when I saw yongjie and his group. I was and am so thankful that he and his friends were there to support and helping me to stabilize whilst i'm waiting for my turn to present.The presentation went well. Alvin said that I'm very vocal. Thank you... but i know I am very nevous... putting a strong front then... acting happy...
I dun even know what am I saying.. that's y i feel so bad after commenting yongjie's laptop when he lent me then -- I wasn't thinking then manz.. when his computer hanged during the demo... I was so nevous that I just barge out "oh lousy pc" and just ended the demo abruptly.

Now... now... today, I'm still restless. Still depressed over Saturday's issue. Very regretted. My mind kept flashing the game demo... the sms. I starts to loathe myself. Oh Lord, help me to consider You.

You are so irresponsible...

I received 3 sms from the same person... each word I read cut deep... every word are resentful. My hands can't stop shivering... my mind was blank... tears uncontrollably fell.. heart's beating fast. I am hurted... very much... this is a very first time I'd received an angry comment.

Maybe he was right to be annoyed, but I don't see it as my fault. I wasn't not doing anything like what he said, in fact I have not been sleeping and have been toiling on and worrying about the game demo everyday. I have came out with the maze and the code to print, working halfway for the explosion effect... and trying hard to combine his code, which i can't even run, with mine...
I am not uninterested in the project... I really like Computer Game Programming, I just find it very tedious. In fact this is one of the projects in my entire NTU life that I'm so involved in... that I'd skipped so many lectures this semster for it.

So, I find it very unfair to say that I am not doing anything... that I am irresponsible and unreliable... that I'd gave him a false impression... that I am being unfair to him...

I sent him 6 sms to clarify... to say sorry for the distress I'd caused. I have to admit that I was to blame for not updating him and wasn't punctual in giving him my code... my reason is I wanted to finish my stuff, nice and presentable, to him. Yes, I am a perfectionist, so I really think that the things he had came out wasn't nice, though he was fast. Because he was fast, he seemed to have done many things, this will shame me if I handed him an incompleted code... I do not want to deny the work he'd done, so I suggested to 拆伙... if it would be fair to him.

This incident ended up with a break-up... we will do different game demo on our own. Which mean now, I only have 2 days to come out with a game with whatever I have...



[written on 19 Oct because was too occupied with work! sianz haven'tblog about bday yet =( ]

Sign Up for NTUCF Annual Camp...

A very nice banner and website done by barnabas for our CF annual Camp.
Please click here for more information... and also to sign up for the camp.

Mawkish Stuff From Sis...

Dad woke me up this morning, "Qing..Wake up, sis had prepared the breakfast for you liaoz!" I dragged my half awaken body down the bed and headed to the toilet to wash up, before i sat at the dinning table. So this was my breakfast :


"So what is this?", I asked.
"You guess!" said my sis.
"Bread Crumbs? 面包皮？... why do you cut it into small pieces?" ( I was thinking how pathetic is my breakfast today.. only a few strips of bread skin)
"Can't you see?"
"See what?"
"The words.."
"No.. what words?"
"why don't you stand up and see.."
" erm... ok I see some letters... but I can't understand what you are trying to say... ya, I see 'H', 'A', 'D' and an 'E'... 'had eay'... ? "
" No.. It's "HAPI BDAY" lahz... #@%$!"
"Ohz... is it? but this looks like 'E' to me watz... anyway why hapi bday? today's not friday right?"
" it's ur lunar birthday today !!!"
"oic.. hee ok.. thanks! ... So, then what's the 2 toys here for..?"
"for decoration duh!!!"
"LOL"
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Oh... My sis is so sweet...
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A Song Composed...

God has good news to spread
It is one that would save
His mercy pour out on sinners who
Would repent and believe

Not in the idols, believe not the signs
Believe not even in yourself
But hear of the message brought by the one
Who risen up on the third day

In view of God’s mercy
Jesus died for all sin
This is God redeeming man,
When Jesus overcomes death

Not in the idols, trust not in the signs
Trust not even in yourself
But trust of the message sent by God
Of One who rose on third day.

Yes, into the world we’ll say
Of God’s great love and grace.
Times we might fail, but not the news
God will sustain His saving plan

Not of the idols, preach not of the signs
preach not even in yourself
But say of the message entrusted
Of Jesus who rose from the death.

This is a song that I'd written after reading the book of Jonah and hearing the Timothy sermon... I had roughly came out the tune for the song, but find it a bit dull... so will try to improve it before I'd sing to anyone. It speaks quite a lot of what I had learnt for the past week... no.. in fact for the past years when I am in NTU, so ya would like to share with you even it look and sound cheesy... ha.

Visit doctor...

Ann was very concerned of my 老毛病 yesterday, that she made sure I would go for a doctor visit today. Guess those who were close to me would know that I had this 老毛病... that whenever I drink soft drink or eat too fast, I would have this excessive air trapped in my chest and stomach... making me feel nausea for the rest of the day until I force them out of my body by inducing myself to vomit/burp ...
And ya... and the frequency seems to increase these days... that for almost everyday that I will this excessive air thingy (sometimes mild though). I gotta more worried, when there was some blood patches when I puked yesterday. So, ya... went to doctor today.
Doctor assured me that the blood patches could be the result of me forcing my throat while puking... nothing serious, and will heal by itself. However, he suggested me to go for a scope to see what's wrong with my stomach inside. I considered not... cuz i dun find it necessary. I was quite well after taking the medication. Anyway, I may consider to, if I am really curious of what's happening to me.
Dad kinda affirmed, and suggested me to go for the scope probably after my examz... haiz see how lahz. Think it will be quite expensive... so will really consider first.

Early Celebration...

Gotta a cake for charissa today! She's a business CG member, whom I never meet. But still.. in the end, I didn't gotta meet her -- she didn't come for CG... "WWhhat!? then what shall we do with the cake ?" hee... in the end, we celebrated Renita's and my birthday, which is in next week... her birthday is one day after mine! Anyway... we had have great fun, this is the very first time we have fun as a cell... cuz the CG was still quite close-up then. Ray joined in, cuz Ann wanted him to be the camera-man, he ended up to be the monster that smashed cake on the innocent, cute little girls in the BCG.... geez!

Happy Birthday, Charmain...

Yo gal.. if u happened to pop by here... just to let you know that I'd remembered your birthday! May u have many happy days ahead...!! H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y.. and God Bless!

Stay Over at Ann's Hall...

This day, I stayed over at school again, not at Grace and Charmain's room, but at Grace's and Ann's room. Hee... cuz thinking of staying in school to prepare the bible study materials with ann, but we ended up talking to one another and also with yongjie... about the CGLG's incident... about my yesterday's incident too... about her opinions in some stuffs... and etc.
After then, we went for supper, together with chincher and weeseng... chincher too, too restless to study lahz... so in the end, we went to jurong extension for meepok... talked quite a lot of stuff before we went back to canteen b to continued our BS preparation.
Haiz... it turned out quite fruitless manz, cuz we yakati yakati till 4 pm, just to realise that we were only halfway thru the preparation, and yongjie haven't study for his lab presentation yet...

Guarding the Gospel...

Was feeling very discouraged now... had just tried to help a friend of mine with one of his concern, but had seemingly failed... The thing is that it had became a norm for me to read any passage in the context, so when he gave me a passage from Thess, and told me his revelation from God... I told him what the passage meant in its context, and hence what should be its application. His question was not answered in a way... he mentioned he felt stumbled in a way when what he wants is an assurance that what he understanded is from God, and I just told him that God speaks clearly to us through the bible. He mentioned that he wants to speak to God....

I am deeply distressed after the MSN conversation, probably using MSN is not a good mean to bring my msg across..., my brother felt stumbled in the end... I started to doubt my stand... is what I am doing -- guarding the gospel, edify ppl or stumble ppl in the end? Ppl no longer want gospel alone, bible alone, Christ alone.... ppl wants more... more experiences, more standards, more spirituality... yet there is this one small group of boring ppl, making every effort to teach and rebuke and correct according to the Scripture alone, Christ alone. And apparently, I am in this minority. It is not easy to hold fast to the word of truth... especially when ppl feel that they can't relate to you, because they know ur standard answer is bible bible bible. Now with a friend saying that he is stumbled by what i'd said, it weaken me even more....

As I almost make a decision to be more "open", when I came across Chin Cher's site. I opened the mp3 of Chris Chia's sermon on God's Worker (2 Tim), and before long, my face was soaked in tears. The things that P. Chris said, is what I'm going thru every now and then. Every word he said, every letter I read from the bible, strengthed my heart, firming my stand in Christ. I wants to be God's workman... faithfully handle the word He had entrusted. Pray that I still can be strong despite of any adversity, for I am like Timothy, trained but timid... very timid.

Before I end this entry, allow me to thank God and the Holy Spirit in encouraging me. And if you have the time, do listen to the sermon if you'd not. Let me encourage you too, to be a faithful workman of the Lord, for we can be workman to the church, the congretation, the people, but unless we run the race according to the rule, we will be disqualified-- unless we work in God's way, we are not workman of God. And God's way is Christ, and Christ alone.

What a Thursday...

Went to the lunch time talk for the first time. The attendence wasn't as I expected. I was a bit sad though, that I didn't bring anyone with me to the talk, cuz I think that Wai had given a really great talk on Luke16: 13-31. Wai's talk had really challenge anyone there, not to sneer at Christ, but to listen to what He's speaking. That's y... i wished that i had brought someone with me. But who can I ask..?? How can I ask..? Or am I ashamed to ask..? No time to ask..?? Probably, I was tired... or probably I'm stressed.. dejecting thoughts kept creeping into my mind...

Anyway, gotta lead a BS for the first time this semster. I thought that my points had been driven across, but as I ask one to pray for us, it seems to me that the msg haven't impacted them as much as it had impacted me... haiz... guess now I can only pray for them liaoz lahz...

Music Min was good... Grace and Ray joined us. The dynamic was good i thought, though we need more guys... Haiz.. and we haven't send the proposal letters to the shopping centers yet... arrgg... hope we still have the chance to perform in the shopping malls ahz...

Tuition...

oh no... mi stressed up now!! KLin's having her AMaths paper on Monday... arrggg...! how..??
Dunno she can pass or not...
KLin is my second tuition kid, which one that I have no control at all. She is one kind whose attention divert easily... and talk a lot. It's very hard to teach her, not much to say to keep to my teaching plan. Hence, I will always have to extend the tuition time, because of that. Not only that I can't give her any homewk becuz she wldn't have time to do. Sad!

I try to be a good example to her... a christian example though, ... but I realised I can't because I dun have the chance to take the time from her. Yes, she is a Christian... a "Jesus loves ME" christian. She has this thinking that she is always right, and that the ppl around her are not. Her dad talked to me abt her before, and he seems to give in to her in anything. I wonder if it's good...

Anyway... I juz wanna whine a bit lahz... that KLin is really a hard case to teach.. but if from a friend POV, she is very fun loving gal... the things she shared are all very interesting, and yaz, glad tt she do share her prob and feelings too.... anyway...

One dead beat body... two swollen eyes...

I just finished my fifth assignment of sc443... ya.. i know that's a bit late, considering that the date due was 2 days ago. But I really felt a great sense of satisfaction... ? umm... more of enjoyment and relief after i completed the thing... ya and also, the aches around my neck and back, I felt them too. Had been spending the last 26 hours staring into my computer,
working out the collision detection..... (which mean i'd missed school again... haiz sianz) ... This is the really an assignment, i guess, in my entire ntu life that i'd spent sleepless night doing the programming... well sad to say, i think i really like this course manzz... ha.

I was telling Gfeng yesterday that the things that motivate or interest me, in school now, is the gospel and this computer game programming... haha. That's sound quite bad harz.. well guess, I had make myself be interested in other stuffs like RTS and FYP.... think my supervisor gonna kill me soon...

What a day...

What a lousy day today... the mood was super down due to the Algo quiz, probably also due to the lack of sleep while preparing for it. The quiz, however, did not go well. I can't finish the 5 questions.. worse, I can only do 2 questions. The rest I just crapped thru... sad.

Didn't go for CG today... planning to help out in Ann's CG on Thurs instead. So, went for tuition in the end. As I was taking MRT to Queenstown, I saw Rosemary, my Secondary Sch pal whom I used to be very close to... but now.... we become passagener to each other. ..
This really make me distressed and I told my tuition kid abt this. I lamented that friendship between people is hard to last... she commented tt people are quick to change... I wonder is it my fault of not making an effort to catch up w them. She said that good friendship is hard to get... I agreed... she said must cherish... I started to think abt my relationships with people in genreal - my clique in JC, friends in NTU and folks from church... people that I dun wish to neglect... Thinking this makes me sad and fearful. I'm so afraid to forget the things that I dun want to forget; and not do things that I want to do...

Music Ministry Camp...

Just came back from music min training camp... was very encouraged by the minners, and felt very glad that we had learnt and challenged of what it means of to worship God-- which is in view of God's mercy, offering our bodies as a living sacrifices... not conformed to the pattern of the world but in renewal of the mind... so that in every aspects, be it to friends, to enemies or to governments we can love and consider them higher than us (this is my summary of Romans 12-13). Worship, therefore is not just singing songs, but of every words and deeds we do and say to ppl shows tt we are God's ppl. With that, where is the place of music? Well, bible recorded tt ppl sing songs to one another and to God to thank God of His great Mercy and Love to us. Hence, we sing, not to enter God's Presence, but to express our thankfulness that we can be in God's presence every moment thru the blood of Jesus.

じゃ.... that's what I had learnt.... um so talking about the fellowship, I would have to say tt 2d1n was too short. Slept in a big function room with Grace only while we chatted, in e dark, for quite some time. She told me some horror stories that caused me to freaked out...(cuz we are in a big dark room, and my mind is animating the things she'd said, like white girl at the corner.... ) while I shared some of my deep thoughts to her...

Now that e camp had ended, amazingly I was not very tired but was more stressed then. I would have to say that i am worry about my school work because it's now the end of Friday liaoz, and I hav so much thing not done. Really anxious of the coming Algo quiz on Mon.....
decided to hand in the Assignment 5 of Computer Game late liaoz... well and I muz start doing my FYP... and there is 401 quiz comin up.... haiiiizzz... so much things, so little time... Heeellllppp

Met yifen, nie's char and yongj up @ millenium walk to have a meeting regarding the annual camp. This is my first time in a camp committee, hence I was a bit unsure of what am I supposed to do and what to suggest. But soon, I know what am I supposed to do liaoz... and it's seemed quite a load manzz.. nevertheless, it's still a good experience to me!

We went to tcc for our discussion... hee and that's my first time there @ TCC! The Cuppocino there is beautiful. They topped the cuppocino with whipped cream and sprinkled lemon peel plus a bit of cinnamon powder and a cinnamon stick for stirring. Interesting desu! でも... the coffee taste for the cuppocino is not strong enuff to satisfy my bud...

Went for a haircut wif Yifen... but because my hair is longer, yifen finish and left first, and I am late for movie with my sis... arhh

Can't Stop talking about Christ...

Today I had woke up early for church... Thanks to my sis's LG phone and also to Han Min too, for his effort to call and wake me up. However, I was still late ... 10 minutes latezz.. argg.. Anyway, I went up to the front to sit w my cell ppl for the 1st time... . Sermon was on the summary of the book of Acts... P.Ian ends of the series of Acts by challengin the youths to "shout", "prove" and "be" God's story... can see that P.Ian had tried his best deliver the msg lahz... though the example he trying to make with Johnson...was a bit duh...hahah.. poor Johnson!

Catch up with Michelle after service... talk Christ to her to encourage her to stand firm in the gospel. Also to help her to understand the church-ing issue... Thereafter, she shared abt a fren who argue tt the bible is contradicting. She tried to help this fren... but as she told me that her cell leader agreed that the bible is contradicting becuz man do make mistakes... ! I was so SHOCKED..!!! and she actually reply tt guy this way !!! How can God's Word be contradicting? If so, aren't we believing in a contradictin msg? I was quite agitated... and soon I was in my defending mode... tryin to help her to see that bible is not contradicting... but we just had no enough time for one another becuz we had to attend our cell respectively after service....
So the talk ended quite abruptly.

After cell, I had a great talk with Sixian over lunch... sharpening our understanding of God while we talked about "Christ-Experiences", about "God's Calling", about Man's Pride and "Hearing God". I must really thank God, the Holy Spirit who had aided both of us to reach a common ground to the issues tt we were discussing. Now shall only pray that we could continue to remain faithful in Christ.

Talked about Christ to my tuition kid once again, for she brought up a question regarding the bible. I tried to answer her, where from there, I do the "2 ways to live" with her.. offering 2 choices for her to respond. Felt that today's sharing was more completed, because it doesn't just ended with the "facts/ theory" about Christianity but also a chance for her to choose which way to live. I told her no obligation... she can take her time. But I say to her tt her decision matters life and death .. hence i want her to tell me if she'd chose to allow Jesus as her Lord; whilst I will cont to speak Christ to her if she doesn't... this what i told her, and she's ok w it.. hahaah.

Sixian called up, and we did GIJ over the phone. Then again, we started to talk about Christ. I warned her about the post-modernism phenomenon tt we had now... that the world are becoming "experiencing" now. There are so many means for people to feel "peace" and "spiritual"... people can go for yoga, listen to zen music, make donations, mediatation , or... going to church, sing songs with "spirit" and "truth", feeling the "peace of God", hearing the "voice of God" . Everything people do becomes very subjective... nothing is absolute... everything is relative. Hence there will be these ppl will always ask those, who hold fast to the one truth, to be more open to other opinions. Are we, the people who were entrusted with the gospel, be conformed to the world? Are we ashame of the plain truth of Christ tt is not "experiencing" but said 'blessed are those who have not seen ant yet have believed ' ? I'd challenged her in the end, (and all of us here) to stay faithful to the one truth - Jesus Christ. And not "Christ ++"...