My family received a call last midnight as we were all about to sleep. It was from my cousin. She told my dad that grandma was admitted to NUH, and was quite critical. My dad got worried, so were sis and me. I was thinking rushing down, with dad, to the hospital whilst sis offered me to pray together for grandma. We prayed, whilst dad went down alone. After prayer, another call came, and aunt exaggerated that grandma was dying soon.. so we rushed down to the hospital after that, one reason is also to be there to give support to my uncle's family.
I sms-ed friends to pray for grandma, because deep in me, I was hoping that she could hear the gospel before she leave. I hoped this at the last time when she was hospitalised too, and I had kinda promised myself to spend more time with her, and by all means, tell her about Jesus Christ. I was disappointed of myself... that I can't get myself motivated to do so. Then many thoughts came though.. I began to see that I was very passive, and I hated it because I wanted things to be done very much, but why I can't make things happen. This is true for my work right now... and it is also true for ministry matters too, in fact, I see that the whole life was too laid back.. so nothing was done.. then stressed up.. then despaired.
A few weeks ago, when I knew that I was coming back to school to work, I wanted very much to continue leading bible study with some gals. Not only me, some of my friends encouraged that too. But what happened now, too laid back -> nothing done -> stressed up -> despaired. AARRGGG... I hated it... for my tuition kid was the same case too.. and so was han min and sixian and her friend...
I do not know what is my priority of my life now. Is it God? Is it work? Is it myself? Arrgg.. I do not know.. life is moving very fast now especially when i started working.. i dun seem to have time to think or plan what to do.. each day is like a routine.. and each morning i uttered the same prayer - May the Lord come quickly.