Thursday, December 08, 2005
I had thinking a lot lately...
Too long never blogged.. i guessed i was really busy. Busy thinking i think... but never ever thought it through. I cannot said that i had learnt during this period of thinking.. what i can say is that nothing had changed.. and this terrified me a bit. Nothing had changed uh? Probably not. I think i had became more unlovingly.. towards the people around me.
The many thinkings confused me sometime.. I could not bring myself to see or differentiate what is real and what is unreal anymore.. I feel that i am trapped in my own thinking.. i wanted to be happy too.. but i just can't be positive in the thoughts.. happiness or holiness? can i have both? why can some people seem so happy and carefree.. when i lamented over my actions and deeds each day?
Is Christ coming back? The year 2005 is ending soon.. many things had happened, good and bad.. and many things will. What had happened to me? Bad i think.. I could no longer encourage.. no longer love.. no longer share my knowing of Christ..? What i had left was just a fainted faith in something unseen yet true.. and each day i have to remind myself of the faith i had in Christ.. When is Christ coming back..? i am so afraid that i may lose this faith before he comes back, but again.. my faith is determined by God who had chosen to save me..