I always thought that I'll not be afraid to die. For I know in certainty that dying will be better than living since then we will sin no more, and more importantly, we will be with Christ our LORD. ( However, the flip side of the coin is true too, as to live is for Christ... we live to encourage one another in Christ by staying alive, and to do the gospel work upon knowing mercy and knowing that time is short.)
To live is for Christ, to die is gain. That's why i thought that dying is not that frightening. But today.. my mind runs too wild a bit while on train to work. I thought that I am going to die.. and that thought actually causes me to tremble. The thought of me blowing up into many pieces of meat is just too horrible that I don't want to die. I tried then to rationalise that I am just afraid of the pain, or that i dun wished to die uglily.. but still, as the imagination continued, it uncovered my fear to suffer, especially physically. Now I really wonder what would I do if some terrorists come by with a knife and ask me denounce my faith? What if they threaten to saw off my head, or even rape me? Will I still be able to stand firm?
I dare not think further.. so i prayed dreadfully that the peace and harmony on this island may continue before I begin my day of work.