Loss or Gain?

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? For what can a man give in return for his life? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels." Mark 8: 34-38 (ESV)

This is a passage that YongJie had pointed out today, to encourage me when I cried out, to him, that I am not worthy of the gospel... I had lived a life that did not speak of Christ loudly, fearing that I may lose something, esp relationships with people (and pride probably). For to me, losing things had never been a good experience since young... there was always tears, regrets and frustrations; whilst on the contrary, gaining always brings about rewards, gladness and pride....

"He is no fool to lose things that he cannot keep for something he cannot lose"

I had been hearing this saying for umpteen times, and I totally agree to this... however, my life is not committed to it... and it seems not yet ready to lose the world that I had gained so far...

But as Yongjie open up the bible, and "took out the scales"( Mark 8:34-38) to measure the worth of the gospel, I realised my foolishness. What a fool I am to think that losing a friend is a greater deal than losing the eternal life. How blinded I am, failing to see the glorious prize in heaven, and the partnerships that I had in the gospel. I weep for my transgressions, and weep even more to find it hard to let go of the notions that i had held on for years. In the end, we pray... I pray for forgiveness, repentance, and renewal... he pray to encourage, for more wisdom (fear of God).

Now, I can only pray and hope that the Holy Spirit will transform my mind and my thinking each day, such that whatever happens, I can deny myself, and identify myself with Christ and with His suffering..... Amen.